After months of searching I think I've finally found the ideal comedy vehicle for the ancient greek God Hephaestus. It's a play set in an old english manor house in the early 1990's, it's mostly about white people. I would say it's a cross between a yarn and a fable, a yable if you so prefer. Although the guy who reads my gas meter reckons its more a surreal allegory, I happen to disagree.
Key:
(AWATPBITL) = audience would at this point be instructed to laugh
(IAMAW) = insert aide-mémoire at will
(DP) = drop pencil
(SOODC)= spill onions over duck cage
(LACIM) = light aircraft crashes into moat
butler (Goodwin): good morn sir, would one like a coffee with your newspaper
Holmes: why yes certainly goodwin, may I take it in the drawing room
butler: why break a habit of a lifetime (AWATPBITL)
holmes: thankyou goodwin may I also have some quails eggs on toast
butler: very good sir (DP)
holmes: what terrible weather today goodwin, (LACIM) I fear I shant be able to play croquet on the lawn with afternoon tea
butler: well I don't know sir, I hear you often like it wet (AWATPBITL)
holmes: no, I'm afraid I hate the rain, ever since daddy left me outside in the pouring rain for 4 hours when I was a boy. All because I put frog sprawn down Mrs Gutteridge's summer dress.
butler: How frightful, will you be seeing Hephaestus later?
holmes: I'll never (IAMAW) forget the look on her face. I might as well of just eaten her eyeball.(SOODC)
butler: yes how terrible, (DP) that reminds me of something (IAMAW)funny Hephaestus said the other day........
holmes: I think perhaps (LACIM) I shall play croquet, regardless of the weather.
butler: Very good sir (AWATPBITL)
holmes: (DP)
butler: perhpas (SOODC) a quick sherry before you play? You know who loves sherry? Hephaestus, he can't get enough of it.
holmes: OK(AWATPBITL) I'll have a sherry, what would (SOODC)i do without (IAMAW)you goodwin? (SOODC)(DP)
That's all I've got for now. My gas meter reader suggested I tone down the pencil dropping, he said less is more. Although he liked the idea of the audience being encouraged to insert their own aide-mémoire, as audience participation is always fun.
