Stand up material for relationships. Feedback wanted, does it work?
My partner wants us to change our relationship and spice things up, she said it is very routine, she wanted to pick a row with me, she said this whilst getting into her 'Winnie the Pooh' pajamas before bed, I said how can I get excited when it's like undressing a f**king 8 year old! She didn't like that, especially when I said she had Pooh on her pajamas.
Again the other night me and my girlfriend were in bed, and she turned and said to me, ' I feel the relationship has lost it's spark, we need to spice things up, I want you to want me again, I want to feel sexy again, it's just got so plain and boring and routine, I want you to take me by surprise, I want you to surprise me' (beat)
So I shit on her.
And then the ultimate blow comes (beat) 'Im thinking of going to Ann Summer's' (beat) oh great, I thought, how do I get out of this? She's gonna come back with something bigger than a cucumber, something huge like The blackmambo 2000, not that I've heard of it or anything, y'know, so I said 'Well don't buy anything that is bigger or thicker than mine!'... else she would never be satisfied by me again. Bit worrying really (beat) off she went, I was worrying about it all day, so she came back after work, with a bag, and I casually said, 'oh so you went to Ann Summer's did you' (beat) yeah, she said, well what did you get? 'well I couldn't get anything in Ann Summer's so I had to go to Costcutter, I said why, and out of the bag she pulls out a Pepperami. (beat) bit embarassing.
I said well that certainly will spice things up (beat) down there, she didn't look happy.
They say if you want to know what your girlfriend will look like in the future, just look at her mother (beat) Not for me (beat) her's is a fat Jamaican lady (beat) well she is adopted.
But having said that we do have a small half cast son together, bit strange.