Preacher

INT. EVANGELICAL HALL.

AN EXUBERANT GOSPEL PREACHER IS GIVING A SERMON.

PREACHER:
If you follow the word of the Lord, you'll find salvation.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
That's right.

PREACHER:
Jesus Christ, is the Son of God, brothers and sisters and we worship him in this house.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Hallelujah!

PREACHER:
The Lord God himself, he answered my prayers last night. He said to me I was allowed to have a beer.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Beer, nothing wrong with that, nope.

PREACHER:
I supped that beer, brothers and sisters, and then I had a bong of Skunk.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Skunk, hallelujah for skunk.

PREACHER:
I have the Lord God Almighty in my soul and my neighbour asked me to give it to her rodeo style.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Hallelujah, rodeo. That's what the Lord wants.

PREACHER:
I follow the Gospel every minute of my waking life, brothers and sisters and I'm going take my penis out right now, behind this pulpit and masturbate.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Hallelujah, let's wank for the Lord.

PREACHER:
On the way home, I might even visit a hooker, they're all God's children.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Yeah, f**k the children!

PLACE FALLS SILENT, EVERYONE LOOKS AT MAN IN DISGUST.

What's rodeo style? Sounds fun, what ever it is. Liked this one Nige.

PREACHER:
On the way home, I might even visit a hooker, they're all God's children.

RANDOM CROWD VOICE:
Yeah! F**k the Children!...

Church falls silent. Everybody looks at man in disgust?

I'm with Scotti - works better for the end. Sorry Nige.

Quote: Balf @ April 30 2009, 5:50 PM BST

I'm with Scotti - works better for the end. Sorry Nige.

View original

Thanks kind sirs, I have adjusted ending accordingly.

I really liked the start of this sketch but I kind hoped it would go a different direction -

INT. EVANGELICAL HALL.

AN EXUBERANT GOSPEL PREACHER IS GIVING A SERMON.

PREACHER:
If you follow the word of the Lord, you'll find salvation.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
That's right. Amen!

PREACHER:
Jesus Christ, is the Son of God, brothers and sisters and we worship him in this house.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
Hallelujah!

PREACHER:
The Lord God himself, he answered my prayers last night. He said to me I was allowed to have a beer.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
Beer, nothing wrong with that, nope.

PREACHER:
I supped that beer, brothers and sisters, and then I had a bong of Skunk.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
Hey, skunk - it's a naturally occurring substance - why would God put it here if he didn't want us to use it!

PREACHER:
I have the Lord God Almighty in my soul and my neighbour asked me to give it to her rodeo style.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
Is there anything more beautiful than the love between a man and a woman... maybe not a man and another man's woman admittedly, but...

PREACHER:
I follow the Gospel every minute of my waking life, brothers and sisters and I'm going take my penis out right now, behind this pulpit and masturbate.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
Erm,love... loving oneself? No, I'm struggling.

PREACHER:
On the way home, I might even visit a hooker, and have her take a dump on my chest.

PLACE FALLS SILENT, EVERYONE LOOKS AT MAN IN CONGREGATION.

MAN IN CONGREGATION:
(Shrugs) I've got nothing.

Anyway, I loved the scenario. Good work, fella.