Veggie Chicken (inspired by Leevil)

Thanks to Leevil for inspiring me. My head is full of nonsense. Feedback appreciated as always.

NB. Morrace, I'd like some actual feedback not just you topping my ending, okay?

_________

INT. BUTCHERS

BUTCHER
What you having then?

CUSTOMER
I'll have a whole vegetarian chicken please.

BUTCHER
No problem.

BUTCHER GOES TBHROUGH THE BACK, HE COMES WALKING THROUGH WITH A LIVE CHICKEN. HE PUTS IT ON THE CHOPPING BOARD, CUT'S IT'S HEAD OFF AND STARTS SKINNING IT.

BUTCHER
Here you go madam.

CUSTOMER
I said I wanted VEGETARIAN CHICKEN!

BUTCHER
I can assure you madam that chicken ate nothing but green beans & tomatoes.

Nice ending, I like it.

It's an old joke but nicely handled.
(it's on the Nandos menu!)

I think it could still work if you really amped it up, make the woman scream have blood all over the place etc.

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Quote: Craig H @ April 28 2009, 8:37 AM BST

NB. Morrace, I'd like some actual feedback not just you topping my ending, okay?

View original

Sorry, Craig. Good point. Taken.

Well, first off - most vegetarians do not go into butcher shops whether to buy or not. I don't mean Tesco's, etc; I mean a butcher shop that only sells meats and other related goods; in which your sketch is set.

Therefore, the moment the customer asks for 'a whole vegetarian chicken' inside a butcher's shop, most (human) carnivores, vegetarians, vegans, Presbyterians, cannibals (Fine Young or otherwise) - know what's coming. Another thing is that the customer would react immediately the butcher produced a live chicken. As Sootyj says 'It's an old joke'. Also, a lot of meat-eaters jokingly say when asked if they're vegetarian, "Yes, I eat cows – they're veggies, ha, ha, ha!"

I would suggest you turn it on its head and send a wind-up artist into a Holland & Barrett type health food shop asking for something 'chicken flavoured'. In fact, health stores do sell that type of thing – 'Quorn' for example. Your wind-up artist could eventually 'settle' on a product – then when the assistant (who is glad to have made the hard-fought sale) is about to take the money – the wind up artist asks something like:

"Oh – I forgot. Do you have any artificial blood, 'cos I like to see it dribbling out when I cut it up"
________________________________________________________________________________

Hope that helps.

.

Quote: Morrace @ April 28 2009, 10:36 AM BST

.

Sorry, Craig. Good point. Taken.

Well, first off - most vegetarians do not go into butcher shops whether to buy or not. I don't mean Tesco's, etc; I mean a butcher shop that only sells meats and other related goods; in which your sketch is set.

Therefore, the moment the customer asks for 'a whole vegetarian chicken' inside a butcher's shop, most (human) carnivores, vegetarians, vegans, Presbyterians, cannibals (Fine Young or otherwise) - know what's coming. Another thing is that the customer would react immediately the butcher produced a live chicken. As Sootyj says 'It's an old joke'. Also, a lot of meat-eaters jokingly say when asked if they're vegetarian, "Yes, I eat cows – they're veggies, ha, ha, ha!"

I would suggest you turn it on its head and send a wind-up artist into a Holland & Barrett type health food shop asking for something 'chicken flavoured'. In fact, health stores do sell that type of thing – 'Quorn' for example. Your wind-up artist could eventually 'settle' on a product – then when the assistant (who is glad to have made the hard-fought sale) is about to take the money – the wind up artist asks something like:

"Oh – I forgot. Do you have any artificial blood, 'cos I like to see it dribbling out when I cut it up"
________________________________________________________________________________

Hope that helps.

.

View original

You just couldn't resist could you?

Thanks for the feedback Morrace. The majority of my sketches/jokes are written for feedback/learning purposes only.

....and the customer did not react immediately cause she thought he was making it for the guy standing next to her. See, you didn't see that guy did you? standing there next to her in the queue.

Ironically, I am a veggie and this happened to me the other day.

Morrace has a point, I haven't stepped into a butchers in a long time. I liked the joke though, I haven't heard it since I cracked a cracker at Christmas

Why not have a spin on Tofu? Some smug vegan enters a shop asking for tofu and the shop keeper pulls out a small animal, just before he butchers it, the vegan stops him an asks what is he doing? To which the shop keeper replies something along the lines of "Where did you think Tofu came from... a plant, ha!?" But funnier

MAN
I wish to have something chicken flavoured!

LINDA MCCARTNEY
There is nothing chicken flavoured here as I am a vegetarian and dead.

MAN
How about my cock?

LINDA MCCARTNEY
It's foul!

Wahey!