would be very grateful for any help you fine people can offer.
Thankyou
STAGE IS SET SIMILAR TO QUESTION TIME. THE HOST IS SAT AT A TABLE WITH A GUEST EITHER SIDE OF HIM
ANNOUNCER:
We now go live to Northampton for this week's Rhetorical Question Time
HOST:
Good evening and welcome to Rhetorical Question Time with me your host David Francis. This week we are joined by the MP and Cabinet Minister Marcus Bloom and the Political Commentator and editor of the Weekly Muse magazine Lucy Hawke.
INTRO MUSIC
HOST:
Now with the government today announcing new measures to "stop and search" in areas which have a high crime rate and with violent crime continuing to be a major concern to the British public. Will the government's latest initiatives actually reduce violent crime? Or merely reduce the figures?
MARCUS:
Erm well in answer to that questi……
HOST:
(INTERUPTS) Noooo! This is Rhetorical Question Time Marcus. You can't actually answer the question! you must merely deflect the question by replying with another rhetorical question. I know this is your first time on the programme but I thought you would have seen the show before. Perhaps I'm mistaken?
MARCUS:
Yes I have seen the show before I……..
HOST:
(INTERUPTS) Nooo! Come on Marcus get with it. That's not too much to ask is it?
LONG SILENCE
HOST:
Gooooood (RUSTLES NOTES)
LUCY:
I would like to make a point if I may? (BRIEF PAUSE) I'm sorry but I can't see anything changing under this Prime Minister. This government has continually had a softly softly approach to crime and more specifically violent crime. I'm left wondering would this have happened under the previous administration?
MARCUS:
(STARTING TO SOUND A BIT ON EDGE) Well I can say this government has introduced a range of initiatives to help combat crime, we're currently trying to engage young people in the most deprived areas and hopefully we will soon see positive results from our initiatives? (RAISES HIS VOICE AT THE END AS IF HE'S ASKING A QUESTION)
HOST:
I'm asking myself was that a rhetorical question?
MARCUS:
Of course it was a rhetorical que……..
HOST:
(INTERUPTS) Arrrrr! Come on Marcus! This is Rhetorical Question Time remember?
MARCUS:
Yes I…… Oh (REALISES HE'S BE TRICKED AGAIN)
HOST:
Arrrrr! Dear oh dear Marcus, you're not sounding too clever in front of your constituents are you? (LOOKS AT MARCUS)
MARCUS:
(SHAKES HIS HEAD)
HOST:
(STARES AT MARCUS). Dear me. (PAUSE) Now, can we have a question from the audience please? (POINTS AT AUDIENCE) No, not the ugly man in the hat, no not the disfigured child, yes the woman with the large head at the end, now does she have an insightful question for our panel?
WOMAN IN AUDIENCE
This question is for the MP. I have growing concerns about the current state of the economy. What with falling interest rates and increased unemployment. I can't help but wonder, where do we go from here?
MARCUS
(SOUNDING UNCONVINCING) Well I suppose the opposition will be blaming us for the current crisis but is it all my parties' fault that the economy is in such a mess?
WOMAN IN AUDIENCE:
Well is the Pope a Catholic?
MARCUS:
(FLUSTERED) Er well I... well I think we need to erm….
HOST:
(STARING AT MARCUS) Oh dear
LUCY:
Leading on from the audience members question about the economy, I find it terribly hypercritical that the banks continue to bemoan the recession and the world economy and yet we keep seeing these bankers who failed in their jobs and have actually been detrimental to the economy, receiving these huge bonuses. I will certainly be interested to hear Minister Bloom's speech on the situation tomorrow, but will it just be another case of "we know best"?
MARCUS:
Well the economy is obviously not as healthy as we would like, but if you look at the figures, in the three terms we've been at Number 10 we've reduced child poverty, reduced hospital...
HOST:
(STARTS TALKING OVER MARCUS)
I'm beginning to tire of you Marcus. I'm asking myself, does Marcus Bloom know what he's talking about?
MARCUS:
(CONTINUES TO TALK ALTHOUGH HE SOUNDS UPSET)
Waiting lists, er we've reduced waiting lists er and crime in inner city....
HOST:
(TALKING OVER MARCUS) Marcus Blooooom Marcus Blooooom. (IN CHILDISH VOICE) Is Marcus the worst person to ever grace Rhetorical Question Time?
MARCUS:
(SOUNDING MORE UPSET) areas. Would the previous administration have managed to implement such changes? (RAISES VOICE AS IF ASKING A QUESTION) I don't think….
HOST:
(CONTINUES TALKING OVER MARCUS) Oh dear Marcus this is getting very very embarrassing. I'm wondering, how did you get so far in politics if you can't even ask a decent rhetorical question?
MARCUS:
But you can't pin all the current economic (STARTS SOBBING QUIETLY) problems on our govern…… (STARTS CRYING)
HOST:
(SOUNDING GRATIFIED) Yeah that's it. Gooooood (RUSTLES NOTES)
END MUSIC STARTS IN BACKGROUND.
MARCUS:
Bully! You're a bully.
HOST:
Mmm did that sound like a rhetorical question?
MARCUS:
This show is an absolute farce!
HOST:
(SPOKEN IN JOLLY UPBEAT VOICE.) And I'm afraid that that's all we have time for this week. But please join us again next week for another insightful edition of Rhetorical Question Time? (RAISES HIS VOICE AT THE END AS IF HE'S ASKING A QUESTION)
CLOSING MUSIC
