THE DRAGON'S DEN CREW ARE SITTING IN A ROW GLOWERING AT SOME ONE OFF STAGE.
THEO
Your amateurs this is the worst idea since my dad got my mum pregnant.
DEBRA PURSE'S HER LIPS LIKE A GIANT TROUT AND SLOWLY BLOWS HER CHEAKS OUT.
THEO
Debra know we've discussed this.
DEBRA STICKS HER FINGER OUT AT HIM, HE RELUCTANTLY PULLS IT SHE BREAKS WIND NOISILY DEFLATING HER CHEEKS AT THE SAME TIME.
WE CAN NOW SEE THEY WERE PRESENTING TO ALAN SUGAR AND THE APPRENTICE CREW.
ALAN POINTS HIS FINGER THEN WAVES IT UNDER HIS NOSE.
ALAN
Cor what a bloody stink. 4 arseholes judging investment proposals what a load of old toot. You're fired.....
WE CAN NOW SEE SIR ALAN WAS ADRESSING THE JUDGES OF BRITAINS GOT TALENT.
SIMON
Well I'm not fired up you're, what is that smell?
AMANDA
Piers has sprung a leak again.
WE CAN SEE PIERS SLOWLY DEFLATING AS A STREAM OF EXCREMENT POURS OUT OF A HOLE IN HIS HEAD.
WE CAN NOW SEE ANT AND DEC ARE WATCHING THE JUDGES.
ANT
Wow looks like Piers has finally spewed so much shite he's broken, maybe we'll have to a contest to find a new judge.
DEC
Canny man, Britain's got arseholes like Gordon Brown.
ANT
Shut it you numpty we don't do politics you're sleeping on the sofa. And I'm not shagging you in the shower neither.
WE NOW SEE DAVINA IS WATCHING THEM.
DAVINA
Ooh it's all hotting up in the Big Brother house. Will Ant Deck Dec let's get ready to rumble, let's....ouch!
WE SEE TIMMY MALLET AND JORDAN ARE SAVAGELY BITING HER.
DAVINA
What the pantenne is going on!
TIMMY
You're our Bush Tucker trial.
JORDAN
And I'm experimenting with lesbianism for my shitty TV show with Peter Andre, which bits your minge?
PULL BACK TO REVEAL THEY'RE ALL TRAPPED IN A GIANT STARTREK STYLE ARENA.
THEO
Actually where the hell are we?
ALAN
Yes I need to get back to my African root vegetable business, Yamstrad.
WE SEE SOOTYJ OBSERVING THEM FROM A BALCONY
SOOTYJ
You're fate is sealed trapped for ever in an unfunny Sootyj reality TV pastiche.
Mu ha ha!
