I'm here to check the meter

METER READER SITS IN HIS VAN TALKING TO HIS OFFICE ON THE MOBILE

METER MAN
Yea, I'm at Number 10.

VOICE ON PHONE
We really need a reading on this one, they owe us a fortune. The last six guys have all failed to get past the door.

METER READER
Pff, amateurs. Give me 10 minutes I'll phone you back with a reading.

METER READER GETS OUT VAN AND APPROACHES NUMBER 10.

METER READER
Hi, I'm here to read the meter.

MAN
We don't have one.

METER READER
But, I read it a few months back

MAN
Not here you didn't

METER READER
I have your account here, I read it in

MESSES ABOUT WITH HANDHELD MACHINE

METER READER
January.

MAN
Okay, well who let you in?

METER READER
I think, it was a young child, possibly one of your children?

THE MAN LAUGHS

MAN
I don't have ANY kids.

THE MAN GOES TO CLOSE THE DOOR. THE METER GUY PULLS OUT A BADGE FROM HIS LEFT HAND JACKET POCKET (CLEARLY FAKE)

METER READER
(smug)
Hi, I'm John Hail from Child Benefit Fraud, do you mind if I come in?

THE MAN OPENS THE DOOR WIDER, INVITING HIM IN.

METER READER
God, it's warm in here

THE MANS DAUGHTER (20S) WALKS PASSED THE METER READER

DAUGHTER
Yea, we're waiting on someone coming to fix the heating

METER READER
Oh, that explains it

THE MAN TURNS TO HIS DAUGHTER

MAN
You didn't by any chance let anyone in to read the gas meter did you?

DAUGHTER
Yip

MAN
I might have known, what have I told you?

DAUGHTER
What was I supposed to do, he said he was a policeman.

MAN
AND YOU BELIEVED HIM?

DAUGHTER
He had a badge and everything

THE MAN TURNS ROUND SLOWLY TO FACE THE METER READER.

MAN
(angry whisper, slowly)
Can you...show..me..that..badge..again?

THE METER READER PULLS OUT A BADGE FROM HIS RIGHT HAND JACKET POCKET (CLEARLY FAKE) "BELLBROOKE POLICE, DETECTIVE CHARLES JOHNSON"

DAUGHTER
That's it, that was the badge!

THE METER READER STANDS QUIVERING, HIS COVER IS BLOWN.

MAN
(disappointed)
The meter is in the cupboard under the stairs.

END

Craig, doesn't work for me I'm afraid. To be honest, I didn't get it.

Maybe I'm thick. See what the others say.

Quote: bigfella @ April 23 2009, 11:51 AM BST

Craig, doesn't work for me I'm afraid.

View original

Have to agree with bf

I think I get this and liked it.

LOL.

Thanks for reading guys, it's appreciated.

I think like many of my other sketches they would have to be performed. The point was that the meter reader had come up with ingenius ways to get into homes in order to read the meter. You are made to think the man will click when he see's the police badge but instead allows him to read the meter.

EDIT: I typed the above before you posted sooty

On another note - it would be good to get a more in-depth analysis as I feel this has happened a few times now, where people don't get it and I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong. is it my lack of expression or description that's leaving people confused? I'm getting frustrated because I feel this is good stuff but it's as if I'm not presenting it in words the way it is in my head.

Quote: Craig H @ April 23 2009, 10:50 AM BST

DAUGHTER
What was I supposed to do, he said he was a policeman.

View original

I think that's a classic line.

It's a marvellous sketch. I think people struggle if you meander off a path they are expecting a sketch to follow. Perhaps other people would have kept it shorter?

Make it a bit longer and have him pretending to be a TV licence inspector as well!

Quote: Bad dog @ April 23 2009, 12:32 PM BST

I think that's a classic line.

It's a marvellous sketch. I think people struggle if you meander off a path they are expecting a sketch to follow. Perhaps other people would have kept it shorter?

Make it a bit longer and have him pretending to be a TV licence inspector as well!

View original

Thanks bad dog, I'm glad you liked it. I was actually going to add to it and make him out to be something else and the TV license inspector would be absolutely brilliant - point noted.

I think that you may be right in that if people think you are taking it in a certain direction and you change it, it confuses, and it seems I'm a master of this style if nothing else.

Craig

There we go you see! Told you I was thick!

Why would a meter reader need to go to so much trouble? Surely they would just let him in?

Quote: steven @ April 23 2009, 1:05 PM BST

Why would a meter reader need to go to so much trouble? Surely they would just let him in?

View original

Hold on I'll go change it, so he let's him in without a hitch.

I'm actually doing an edit on this as we speak. Just to set the picture.

Quote: steven @ April 23 2009, 1:05 PM BST

Why would a meter reader need to go to so much trouble? Surely they would just let him in?

View original

Maybe he's actually an undercover council operative, trying to gain access for nefarious totalitarian purposes.

Quote: Bad dog @ April 23 2009, 1:30 PM BST

Maybe he's actually an undercover council operative, trying to gain access for nefarious totalitarian purposes.

View original

lmao. What do you mean maybe?

Sorry, but just didn't work for me. Sorry to be sweeping, but it wasn't actually very funny to me, I was reading it and waiting for something great to happen, but it never materialised. I wish you all the very best with your writing though, I look forward to reading more in the future.

Quote: Mike Dan-Carter @ April 23 2009, 1:57 PM BST

Sorry, but just didn't work for me. Sorry to be sweeping, but it wasn't actually very funny to me, I was reading it and waiting for something great to happen, but it never materialised. I wish you all the very best with your writing though, I look forward to reading more in the future.

View original

Thanks for reading and the feedback Mike. Sorry to hear it wasn't to your liking :/ Maybe next time.

i think you're a good writer Craig, but you make stuff to complex at times and rely on sometimes esoteric stuff.

In this you have a great idea a conman using multiple fake IDs that lead into each other, before getting what he didn't want.

But the extra stuff like looking at the bill confuses stuff.

If you can force yourself to simplify you'd be a top writer.