Morrace, YOU'VE WRITTEN BETTER.
Henry, you're not fired. Page 2
Quote: sootyj @ April 19 2009, 10:08 PM BSTMorrace, YOU'VE WRITTEN BETTER.
When Sooty says "You've Written Better"
Don't let any bad feelings fester
He's try-ing to assist
So please don't get pissed
And send him an abusive letter
Sootyj is the critical blood letter
You've written better you bed wetter.
Some people love the queen some have met her.
But sootyj has the royal you've written better.
Sootyj is the critical blood letter
You've written better you bed wetter.
Some people love the queen some have met her.
But sootyj has the royal you've written better.
Thanks for in-depth definition. 
"Wet Young Bitches" walking down the street
In my world that would be a treat
But they might get mad if they were to know
That GBH stands for "Great Big Ho"
The problem with acronyms you see
Is that they mean different things to you or to me
Body Centred Cubic or Blank Card Company
Are just two uses of BCC
Embroidered on an old sweater
Is 'Sootyj says you've written better'
It's the haute couture of this summer
But at extortionate rates
What a bummer
As for the feedback to the sketch:
It sounded promising at the beginning and liked the dialogue, I just think it's too confusing. If interweaving ideas, think you need to make the references clearer. Changing direction is all well and good, but it can be a bit unsatisfying when it's not used as part of the gag.
Perhaps just needs a slight rewrite? I THINK you're trying to set-up some confusion where Alan's trying to fire Henry, but Henry takes it another way and gets rid of the other employees to save his job.
A slight change to your end to include a dodgy pun?
Last night, four men were savagely beheaded. It appears all four were workers at the local Woolwells Store in Woolwell. The mysterious beheadings happened just hours after owner Alan Pepper cut some staff salaries in an effort to avoid having to give any of his employees the axe.
Quote: Rob0 @ April 19 2009, 11:02 PM BSTAs for the feedback to the sketch:
It sounded promising at the beginning and liked the dialogue, I just think it's too confusing. If interweaving ideas, think you need to make the references clearer. Changing direction is all well and good, but it can be a bit unsatisfying when it's not used as part of the gag.
Perhaps just needs a slight rewrite? I THINK you're trying to set-up some confusion where Alan's trying to fire Henry, but Henry takes it another way and gets rid of the other employees to save his job.
A slight change to your end to include a dodgy pun?
Last night, four men were savagely beheaded. It appears all four were workers at the local Woolwells Store in Woolwell. The mysterious beheadings happened just hours after owner Alan Pepper cut some staff salaries in an effort to avoid having to give any of his employees the axe.
Thanks Rob. Yes, you were right re: set-up some confusion where Alan's trying to fire Henry, but Henry takes it another way and gets rid of the other employees to save his job. SPOT ON.
and yes, love your dodgy pun at the end too...I should have been sharper. 
oh and, can anyone define hijacked for me?
Quote: Craig H @ April 19 2009, 11:08 PM BSToh and, can anyone define hijacked for me?
Like the Mile High Club - but just a wank.