Henry, you're not fired.

INT. OFFICE, WOOLWELLS STORE

ALAN
Henry, as you know alot of companies are in a bad position right now with the recession. Alot of people are losing their jobs.

HENRY
Yes sir, it's terrible

ALAN
Terrible? it's a bloody disgrace!

HENRY
I know sir, one of my friends just got paid off. He has four kids and a wife

ALAN
I know son, I know, how many is it you've got again?

HENRY
Six.....six wives and a kid

ALAN
Okay, do any of them work?

HENRY
God no, they look after the house and the kid

ALAN
Ahh, I see. Do you have any money saved? for a rainy day perhaps?

HENRY
No, I've never really understood that rainy day thing, it's always blooming raining

ALAN
Okay, well, understand, I have 12 workers above you, all of whom can do your job and your salary is the equivalent to 4 of theirs. You with me?

HENRY
I totally understand sir, it's just one of those things you have to do. I don't mind, really I don't. I'll find a way

ALAN
Henry, I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you understand, you have made my job alot easier than I had anticipated

HENRY
Not at all, sir

ALAN SHAKES HENRY'S HAND

ALAN
Okay son, have you got any idea how your going to do this, I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you

HENRY
Not at all sir, I'll find a way

ALAN
Henry, you're a breath of fresh air son, it's been a pleasure

HENRY EXITS

NEXT MORNING

ALAN IS EATING HIS BREAKFAST AND WATCHING THE EARLY MORNING NEWS

NEWSPRESENTER
Last night, four men were savagely beheaded. It appears all four were workers at the local Woolwells Store in Woolwell. The mysterious beheadings happened just hours after owner Alan Pepper cut some staff salaries in an effort to avoid having to fire any of his employees.

I think you got your ALAN and HENRY's crossed near the beginning.... needs fixing, else it doesn't work.

Quote: Blobster @ April 19 2009, 1:41 AM BST

I think you got your ALAN and HENRY's crossed near the beginning.... needs fixing, else it doesn't work.

View original

Thanks for that Blobster!

I copied and pasted from word doc, made a small change and managed to bugger up the entire sequence of names.

Hows it now?

Craig, I'm trying to find it funny because there is something under the surface that should work. It's too confusing though... I assume there is a play on Henry VIII and his six wives in here, but it just seems to be jammed in and doesn't work with the whole flow. You set it up to appear that Alan is trying to fire Henry, but doesn't have the nerve to do it, and that Henry is some sort of higher paid peer of the people above him. Then Henry beheads four of them... it's muddled - then again, I'm tired and might be missing something. I'll take another look tomorrow.

Keep going though.

It's not a bad idea but you're not playing up Henry VIIIs character.

Losing the Mary Rose, wasting time writing Greensleaves etc.

I liked it.

The Henry VIII links to the beheadings at the end nicely.

Decent idea but maybe you could have some more jokes en route to the punch. If I may be so bold sir.

ALAN: How many wives is it you have again?

HENRY: Six, six wives. I only live with four though, six was too much. I had to let the other two go. I was heartbroken, they were in bits when they left. I've felt guillotine, I mean, guilty ever since.

ALAN: Is that hair coming out of your sportsbag Henry?

HENRY: Hair, erm, no, no. It's one of my wives' wigs. Nah, I keep my Boleyn ball in that bag. Four wives at home Alan, you need to keep in shape.

I'm sure you can do better, these were just off the top of my head.

Thanks all. Great feedback!

Blobster - you're probably right with it being a bit muddled and I think that's due to the way I'm writing at the moment. I'm confusing people unintentionally. I try to write so that every line is a surprise, you think you know where it's going then it goes in completely another direction - and now that I'm thinking about it, I think it's probably causing more confusion than laughter.

sooty - It wasn't really supposed to Henry VII, more so coincidental links...but again, that is probably due to my confusing writing style.

Tom - Cheers!

Nigel - BE BOLD AS YOU LIKE as long as it's constructive . You see I think this is where I go wrong, you go straight for the jugular, where as I seem to confuse and leave people guessing/looking for the under the surface jokes.

Quote: Craig H @ April 19 2009, 12:05 PM BST

Thanks all. Great feedback!

Blobster - you're probably right with it being a bit muddled and I think that's due to the way I'm writing at the moment. I'm confusing people unintentionally. I try to write so that every line is a surprise, you think you know where it's going then it goes in completely another direction - and now that I'm thinking about it, I think it's probably causing more confusion than laughter.

sooty - It wasn't really supposed to Henry VII, more so coincidental links...but again, that is probably due to my confusing writing style.

Tom - Cheers!

Nigel - BE BOLD AS YOU LIKE as long as it's constructive . You see I think this is where I go wrong, you go straight for the jugular, where as I seem to confuse and leave people guessing/looking for the under the surface jokes.

View original

If you have to explain.......

.
Nigel's got it right. Go for this sort of stuff:
________________________________________________

HENRY:
Six.....six wives.

ALAN:
Do any of them work?

HENRY:
No, but they were in a Girl band once.

ALAN:
Really?

HENRY:
Yes - 'New Wives On The Block'

_________________________________________________

.

I hate you all.

Lmao @ Morrace....very, very nice.

But you see, I try to think more complex and end up losing all sense of jokery pokery.

and sooty...nail on the head...I get it...I'm still learning so be nice

Hey that's me being nice.

Of course I didn't say YWB

The fightingest insult in BSG.

Quote: sootyj @ April 19 2009, 9:00 PM BST

Hey that's me being nice.

Of course I didn't say YWB

The fightingest insult in BSG.

View original

lol. YWB?

You've Written Better.

Darkest insult in BSG.

Quote: Craig H @ April 19 2009, 9:21 PM BST

lol. YWB?

View original

1. YWB (Urban Dictionary):

Term to refer to Young Wet Bitches without the young wet bitches knowing what you are talking about.

"I see a flock of YWB's walking across the street over there."

(Sootyj's not young!)

.