I liked this Leevil. Re: the comments about swapping tense. I'll switch tenses, sometimes to indicate a switch between narrator and character POV or sections, or flashbacks (as in my recent novel intro thread), etc. I think present tense has a nice imminence and tension to it and a real sense of danger (this is happening NOW). As long as you use it sparingly and with a definite purpose behind it, I can't see an issue.
You have a good readable style. Agree with Krusty in regards to phrases like "in cahoots". A character could use that but not so easily with the narrator's voice.
And I'd personally be very careful with similies. Either be sparse, else think of a new way of describing, or maybe be a little self-aware in use of old references like "clear as a bell" "Slept like a log." The self-aware route might have potential for comedy.
But this is good. It's always a pleasure to read your work.
