Camera Pans outside of the classic car museum whilst the narrator speaks
Narrator// One of the most popular attractions in the village is the Classic car museum, run by local businessman Clive 'Pop' Rainbow. However, recently numbers attending the museum have dipped as visitors are put off by his over-zealous security measures.
Cut to inside the museum
Guard sitting reading paper in booth next to entrance of classic car museum, feet up relaxing. Surrounded by monitors. Enter stereotypical kindly old lady.
Keith// woah! Excuse me madam could you just step to one side please
Guard looks down at photo identity sheet of well known terrorists – (pictures of FBI's most wanted, all are clearly Asian men) Old lady looks shocked and slightly scared.
Guard// (realising she's not on the list) ok madam. On you go (flicks his fingers nonchalantly and goes back to reading the paper)
Clive 'Pop' Rainbow rushes out of his office
Clive// Keith, KEITH!!
Guard (Keith)// yes sir?
Clive// you've not searched this woman Keith – why not? What did I tell you?
Keith// to search everyone who looks suspicious?
Clive// - (mocking puzzlement) just search everyone who looks suspicious Keith? Are you sure?
Keith// er yes sir
Clive// ooo you sure I didn't say to rigorously search everyone who looks suspicious Keith?
Keith// (reluctantly )sir
Keith searches the kindly old lady
Clive// (Very Animated) rigorously Keith, Rigorously search her (Clive grows impatient) look like this
Clive searches the old lady inappropriately who looks very shocked at the whole thing
Old Lady// well I say
Cut to talking head of Clive, he's an excitable character, but comes across as very proud and takes himself very seriously.
Clive// er well yes, I run the Museum. I've always had a love of classic cars and.. (stopping midsentence) sorry where did you say you were from again?
Interviewer// me personally? Er London
Clive// London? where the terrorist bombings were?
Interviewer// er well yes but London's a big place I'm not from where the bo..
Clive// (cutting in) you're not a terrorist are you?
Interviewer// No..look Clive can we...
Cuts off Clive and camera moves to one side filming another area in the room whilst off screen the camera crew have to chat to Clive. You can hear mumbles and the odd word, apologies between the interviewer and Clive himself and then the camera moves back to Clive.
Interviewer// Many see you as overcautious would you say that's a fair assessment?
Clive// I'm not paranoid..is that what you're saying? Are you saying I'm paranoid? look I just want to be safe ok, I want my museum to be safe.. kids and families come here to see the cars and the model village. How could my conscience rest if I didn't do anything about their safety? I mean have a look at the governments website at the terror rating at the moment (picks up a print out of the governments terror rating and shows it to the camera) - we are on moderate "an attack is possible but not likely" Not my words – the words of the government- attack is possible. Imagine if someone were to come in here with a bomb strapped to his chest?
Interviewer// the chances of an attack on the car museum must be low though Clive
Clive// I don't know about that, were having near misses all the time (pause) just the other day we found a suspicious white powdery substance on a 1969 Alfa Romeo (pause) It turned out it was only talcum powder but we were very concerned at the time, especially as soon after that Norma the cleaner came down right sickly. (pause) Luckily it just turned out to be cancer. I mean What are odds of that though ey? (shakes his head) Getting cancer, must be one in a billion.
Clive// We are at war and we must remember that (While he says that line, show a shot of him wondering around the museum, walking up to customers and trying to look into there bags while they are looking at the cars. Customers are all quite innocent looking e,g old lady, woman with a pram)(Shot returns to Clive's talking head) Look you live your life fancy danning about with your head in the clouds whilst I live mine ok. ..(Clive lifts his hand up to count his fingers) September 11th (taps finger one) London bombings (taps finger two) you know... (taps finger three - goes to talk about another terrorist attack but can't think of one) the list is endless. Who's to say we won't be next (Long look at camera, looks a bit vulnerable)
Shot of Clive standing outside using a pair of binoculars and looking into the sky. Next bit of dialogue is spoken over this shot
Clive// If you think I'm paranoid now you shoulda seen me in't 80's with the IRA. (pause) No no, I think I've mellowed since then
Shot still on Clive using binoculars. Clive lowers binoculars. Clive turns to the side and calls out.
Clive// Craig!
Craig// What? (sounding fed up)
Clive// Come here soft lad
Craig appears next to Clive, he's a young man, stacked and strong build
Clive// Craig here's ex army. He's a mechanic but acts as one of me guards
Craig//(nods head upwards to acknowledge the camera with some indifference) alright
Interviewer// so your a guard? What would you do if you saw a terrorist
Craig// dunno, probably kill him (acts out breaking the terrorists neck, biting his bottom lip, rotating his right arm around an imaginary neck)
Clive// (despairingly talking to craig) no no Craig, don't kill em' we want to keep the little buggers alive. (turns to the camera) No he'd capture em' and send em' to Guantanamo – let the Yanks do what they will with em'
Clive pauses and lifts one hand to the camera with one finger in the air to signify to give him a minute. He lifts the binoculars to the air once more
Clive//(Points to the sky and says) Keep an eye on that one will ya (Clive hands over the binoculars to Craig who raises them to look through, Clive guides camera away from Craig and back towards the building)
Final Talking head of Clive
Clive// (Speaks very intently and meaningfully) If there is a terrorist cell operating in my Classic Car Museum (pause) I will be the first to know about it. (looks proudly at the camera)
Interviewer// er ok. Thank you Clive
