Quote: Matt Skillington @ April 8 2009, 3:37 PM BSTThe eastenders omni bus gag was there purely for the reason that it doesn't fit. The thought of Johns character being interested in East Enders amused me, but still good feed back. Thanks
Unless you're trying to create a runner I wouldn't worry too much about trying to create layered characters - this is a sketch, not a sitcom.
Quote: David Bussell @ April 8 2009, 3:44 PM BSTUnless you're trying to create a runner I wouldn't worry too much about trying to create layered characters - this is a sketch, not a sitcom.
Fair comment
It's alright Matt but waaaay too much waffle. You need to get to the pissing / bear fight as quickly as possible. (Not sure I'll ever type that sentence again!)
Comedy action going on in the background unseen by other characters is always funny. So get to it quick then finish up would be my advice.
Quote: Lee Henman @ April 8 2009, 4:32 PM BSTSo get to it quick then finish up would be my advice.
And they say romance is dead.
Quote: shaggy292 @ April 8 2009, 3:16 PM BSTIf I may...
It seems like there are two jokes here, or rather two punchlines, when there should only be one.
Personally I think you need to decide whether to pursue the 'bear' joke or the 'pigeon' joke. Obviously you need to make it as funny as possible but having two 'moments' competing against each other in the same sketch just seems a bit off to me.
Well the main punch line I suppose is BECCA calling the two lads perverts, the pigeon is more of a vessel that carries the sketch to an end not really a punchline. Same goes for the bear he (asumming the bear is male)is used to set up the punch line
I threw a little paddy and deleted this post.
Your right woodmeister, Im going to change the diolouge's lenth and subject. It is abit too 'topical', also it dates the sketch.
Though you still want there to be an element of surprise and the chat meant it did look like they were leading elsewhere. Although there was too much of it.
Il have to try and get the right ammount, could get them talking about taking a wee next to a steam train, right Dolly?
Thinks it will be better if BECCA gets rips to bits in the back ground
Quote: Matt Skillington @ April 10 2009, 12:18 PM BSTThinks it will be better if BECCA gets rips to bits in the back ground
Nah, I quite like this Becca character...
How about she fights with the bear in a House of Flying Daggers style treetop martial arts style?
You just like Becca cos she sounds like your northern counterpart!
I don't even know my own name sometimes...
(and that's when I'm sober)
I threw a little paddy and deleted this post.
Does a bear shit in the Woodmeister?