I really like the rewritten intro!
Novel introduction Page 2
Just thought I would add my praise to Mr Slag's fine writing.
And to Marc's fine editing.
Some great tips from Marc there, thanks for sharing your wisdom. 
SlagA, as I don't read novels, I found this piece very interesting. It hooked me enough to read through, which is an impressive feat! Gripping open, good narration, more please.
Slag, this is great. It really grabs you; the first line in particular is a big draw. It reminded me of Christopher Brookmyre, of whom I'm a huge fan: starting bang in the middle of a scene, no idea what's going on or who is who, imminent danger but with some dark humour thrown in.
Would be very intrigued to read some more.
Quote: Leevil @ April 6 2009, 10:33 PM BSTSlagA, as I don't read novels, I found this piece very interesting.
May I ask why not? Have you ever?
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 7 2009, 10:02 AM BSTMay I ask why not? Have you ever?
I've tried lots of times, but I can never make it through to the end. It seems the problem is TV wins over reading, unfortunately.