British Comedy Guide

A Village Fete Worse than Death

Not a sketch but a spoof news article which I might send off to some places. Would be interested to get some feedback from you wonderful people.

Residents of the village of Pemberly were angered yesterday when their annual fete to celebrate the sight where it's believed William Shakespeare once vomited, was disrupted by Council members from local rival village Duxton. The Duxton Parish Council interrupted proceedings by issuing a writ stating they have evidence to prove that the actual spot where Shakespeare once 'threw up' was indeed in Duxton.

Pemberly have emphatically denied these claims and were quick to question the motivation behind Duxton's proposals. As it has since come to light that the new location where Duxton believe the historic incident occurred is now in fact rather ironically a factory which produces fake vomit for funerals and Bar Mitzvahs. Fake Vomit Ltd have denied any involvement in the new claims made by the Duxton Council, although it has since been leaked that the Duxton based company were planning a new advertising campaign in light of these new findings. The rather catchy pun "Buy vomit from the place where it's believed Shakespeare once vomited" is understood to have been a slogan set to be used in an upcoming brand re-launch.

Despite Duxton's allegations Pemberly remain resolute in defending their piece of history. Pemberly's Mayor stated yesterday "This is just another absurd statement made by an increasingly desperate local council trying to smear our village's rich cultural heritage". This isn't the first incident where Duxton Parish Council's actions have angered the residents of Pemberly. Other previous attacks on the village include, Duxton's attempts to flood the Pemberly economy with orange squash, writing disparaging and explicit graffiti regarding the Mayor of Pemberly's pet dog 'Nigel's' halitosis and sabotaging the village's water supply with the remains of a mime troupe.

Even Duxton's own residents have suffered in the past from their Parish Council's often bizarre antics. Last year the council decided to introduce Polar Bears into the village's eco-system, many political commentators viewed this "gimmicky" and "populist" policy as just an attempt to gain favour in the run up to local elections. The resulting 72 deaths led to some embarrassment for the local parish but fortunately for the council most of the village residents who perished were swing voters or indeed supporters of the opposition.

With both villages refusing to back down, it seems more likely that the conundrum of where William Shakespeare once vomited will have to be settled in court. This case is already drawing comparisons to that of Hafotts Green V Horksley 1986, on that occasion the villages were fighting to decide the true location of where Alec Guinness once threw a Frisbee. William Shakespeare whose literary works include 'Othello', 'Hamlet' and the sit-com 'It Ain't Half Hot Mum' was yesterday unavailable for comment.

Excellent!!! I can't stress enough that this has to be one of the funniest pieces on here for quite a while. Intelligent stuff!!! Give it another going over to get it tighter and It'll be TIP TOP!

I think there are some funny ideas in here.
However It didn't quite work for me as a stand alone piece.
To me it felt like a part of a series of articles.

I did enjoy some of the silliness though & I think that this sort of village rivalry, or even the point about companies making up bits of history both have good comic potential.

This is quite similar to the rivalry between St Tiffins on the Verge and Chesney Hawkes New Town in our spoof paper. If you've got a mo, look at www.thetiffintimes.co.uk . See what you think, give us a PM.

A good idea, well written but a touch wordy. You've got some huge sentences in there.

Minor points: In the first sentence, "sight" should be "site"

The 'pun' you mention is not (at least I don't think) a pun, it's more a slogan, until you punify it.

Phrases like "indeed in" "in fact" are slowing up the pace. For example:

Quote: Nitram Skir @ April 6 2009, 5:23 PM BST

Pemberly have emphatically denied these claims and were quick to question the motivation behind Duxton's proposals.

Could reduce to:

Quote: Nitram Skir @ April 6 2009, 5:23 PM BST

Pemberly denied these claims and questioned Duxton's motivation.

But saying that, it is a stylistic choice that only you can make. But it is good.
:)

Thanks for your input so far guys. It was intended as a very rough draft so I do appreciate some tidying up is required. However thanks for your comments on the material itself.

Where are you planning to send it Nitram?

Great title. Agree with it being a touch wordy, though. Less is more.

Quote: chipolata @ April 7 2009, 11:17 AM BST

Great title.

The title has been used before...

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 7 2009, 11:24 AM BST

The title has been used before...

Quote: Balf @ April 6 2009, 7:04 PM BST

This is quite similar to the rivalry between St Tiffins on the Verge and Chesney Hawkes New Town in our spoof paper.

Not only the title it seems.

Quote: Balf @ April 6 2009, 7:04 PM BST

This is quite similar to the rivalry between St Tiffins on the Verge and Chesney Hawkes New Town in our spoof paper. If you've got a mo, look at www.thetiffintimes.co.uk . See what you think, give us a PM.

Lol at the Real IRA comeback tour.
Laughing out loud

Quote: Morrace @ April 7 2009, 9:49 PM BST

Not only the title it seems.

It just seems like the sort of piece that would fit our style. The Times is open to anyone BTW.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 7 2009, 9:53 PM BST

Lol at the Real IRA comeback tour.
Laughing out loud

I 'loled' at this many years ago:
"HITLER EUROPEAN TOUR 1939-1945
WHITE COTTON T-SHIRT
Printed on quality 100% Cotton
short sleeve T-Shirt."
Laughing out loud
.

i'm going to send this to peter schmeichel. Thats where I'm going to send it!

Back of the net! :)

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