Clear writing?

Just saw an advert on Hotmail for broadband. While I'm not a stickler for grammar in dialogue, I think advertisers should try and get it right. The banner read:

"I saw my first grandchild using a webcam."

You can straight away spot the two confusing messages. All they had to was replace the word 'using' with 'via' to improve clarity and remove ambiguity.

My favourite ambiguous piece was a World War 2 newspaper headline that read:

"British push bottles up Germans"

Oh dear. I know what they meant, they know what they meant, but why didn't one single person on the staff see the glaring and highly disturbing mental image?

I know exactly what you mean. While Dawn French was writing Jam, we only ever saw crap.

I've just picked up a copy of Eats shoots and leaves, don't know if you've read it Slag? There are some amusing examples of incorrect punctuation that have similar outcomes. Theres a rather good letter in it, where the puntuation is shifted around to create an alternative meaning.

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?
Jill

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill

I think it's pretty good

Yep, it's a good book and I still reach for it when it comes to novel writing. Some of the history in it was very good too.

Quote: Ginger Jesus @ December 12, 2006, 4:14 PM

I've just picked up a copy of Eats shoots and leaves, don't know if you've read it Slag? There are some amusing examples of incorrect punctuation that have similar outcomes. Theres a rather good letter in it, where the puntuation is shifted around to create an alternative meaning.

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?
Jill

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill

I think it's pretty good

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oh i love it! well it had me giggling at least

I've been meaning to ask actually Slag, have you had anything published? Is there anywhere I can read anything?

I've had a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves for ages, but not got around to reading it. I'd say that my grammar is pretty damn good though.

Ginger Jesus - love it. I'll have to get that book.

It shocks me how some people have the cheek to label themselves a 'comedy writer' when their grammar is so terrible. Without naming anyone there's some obvious examples in our Writers Directory* - how they ever hope to get anywhere without some attention to detail is beyond me.

* p.s. I realise it is very ironic that I've chosen to label it "Writers Directory" that rather than the more correct "Writers' Directory"

Mark, don't take it too hard. Sloppy teachers, writers and students will tell you 'it's a living language'. Well, so was Latin. My Dad taught me all I know and once when I termed something as 'grammatically incorrect' said that wasn't possible. He said if something is grammatical it can't be incorrect.
Unless you spell it wrong.

Fair point Charlie - I'm actually a terrible speller (shhh, don't tell anyone).

The fact is though in this industry you'll never be a pro comedy writer without good grammer - well at least not for a while - at the moment the commissioning editors are all even bigger grouch bags than I am. Bad grammar = instant binnation (<-- new word, living language in motion!).

I hope standards don't slip too much as, whilst I'm glad we don't still talk like Shakespeare, I find badly constructed sentences with poor spelling take more effort to read... and I'm a very lazy person!

(Plus, as Ginger Jesus highlighted so well above, bad grammar can lead to mis-understanding... actually that leads to comedy so perhaps not such a bad idea to let things slip after all)

What about this? Seen on a menu blackboard in a greasy spoon in Hastings.

The best apostrophe catastrophe I've seen for some time.

8 piece's chicken nugget's chips garnish or bean's

Are chips the exception that proves the rule?

Chips have some infinite power over the universe!

Whilst in Cornwall last year, I went into a chip shop where EVERY ending-s on the menu had an apostrophe.

Bean's
Sausage's
Chip's
Ice cream's
Drink's
Chicken nugget's
Fish cake's
And so on.

I shit you not.

A character in my latest script goes around wiping off the chalked apostrophe when it's wrong. That's how they catch him.

More than anything I hate when they say 60's or CD's as if someone has decided that abbreviations require an apostrophe when plural.
Bollocks's, I s'ay.

Well of course it might well be bollock's but dont' you think that we should add here two standard's at all time's?

It 'seem's to me that we mus't have 'standard's' or els'e we'll end up having apo'strophe anarchy. And thats' scary!

Good God. I saw a shop today called "Mobile's Store" (or something to that effect). I demand to speak to this Mr. Mobile, and shout at him for his stupid shop name!