A MAN IS WALKING THROUGH A RUNDOWN ZOO WITH A BUCKET AND A LADDER, HE'S SMOKING A ROLLY.
A ZOO KEEPER STOPS HIM.
ZOO
Ah you're here to clean the windows in aviary. Take the first left after Marmoset village, then straight through the petting....
MAN
Nah mate I'm here to rape the giraffes.
ZOO
Very funny, now after the petting zoo it's....
MAN(SPEAKING VERY SLOWLY)
I'm hear to rape the giraffes. Are you deaf or summat?
ZOO
If you're being serious that's disgusting. Why would you want to rape such a majestic creature?
MAN
Oh bloody hell this is worse than Duddley Zoo. Ok a giraffe is a wild animal, with no concept of human language or social norms. How on earth can it consent to having sex with a homo sapien?
ZOO
But why are you having sex with it in the first place?
MAN
I work for channel 5. We're trying to compete with the BBC for natural history programs. But how can you compete with the national treasure that is David Attenborough?
ZOO
So you have none consensual intercourse with zoo animals?
MAN
Well David is well into his 80s. Where as I'm an exporn star with a 12 inch wang. It's the one place he can't compete. Do you want to do the voice over?
ZOO
I do not.
MAN
Never mind I'm going home anyway.
ZOO
Seen the error of your ways? You beast?
MAN
Nah f**king Bear Grills beat me to it.
BEAR GRILLS WALKS ON IN RIPPED CLOTHES COVERED IN SCARS.
BEAR
Ha! I just bummed your polar bear for the discovery channel.