Overkill Insurance

OVERKILLINSURANCE

CHARACTERS –

•GEORGE AND MABEL, A LOVELY MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE
•ARTHUR, A PSYCHOTIC INSURANCE SALESMAN
•RAMBO, AN EMBITTERED VIETNAM VETERAN
•ASSORTED PIRATES, NINJAS, YETI AND DALEKS

SFX: LOW RADIO, NEWSPAPER RUSTLING, CLICK-CLACK OF KNITTING NEEDLES. SUDDENLY, THE SOUND OF A DOOR BEING KICKED IN. GEORGE AND MABEL YELL.

ARTHUR (too happy)

Evening folks. Now, if you'd have had insurance for random door kickings, we could have replaced that with a nice new solid oak one.

MABEL

Well, that would be nice, yes.

ARTHUR

Well, you can't have one. Now have you ever thought about insuring you and your home against, say, flash floods?

GEORGE

But we live in Derby, we're nowhere near the sea!

ARTHUR

Really?

SFX: HOSE TURNING ON, GUSHING WATER.

ARTHUR

You see the benefits of insurance now don't you?

GEORGE

I suppose so, yes.

ARTHUR

Now, let's talk alien incursions to your property. Say a great big spaceship was to land on the patio, and a green slobbering monster was to abduct your wife for some bizarre space experiment thingy?

GEORGE

Well, that's hardly likely, now, is it?

ARTHUR

Think so? Look out the window. (a la Poltergeist) They're heeerre!

SFX: TAPPING ON WINDOW

GEORGE

Hey, you stuck this on!

ARTHUR

Didn't.

GEORGE

You did. It's a publicity still from Forbidden Planet!

ARTHUR

OK, I'll give you that one. However, ever considered the possibility of ninja attack?

SFX: HAND CLAP, NINJA YELLS, 'BRUCE LEE' EFFECTS

MABEL

Oh, we've got insurance for that.

ARTHUR

Oh. Right.

SFX: HAND CLAP, NINJA STOPS, EXITS MURMURING

ARTHUR

OK then, how about pirates?

GEORGE

Got that.

ARTHUR

Yeti?

MABEL

Fully comprehensive.

ARTHUR

Uh… Dalek?

GEORGE/MABEL

Yes.

ARTHUR (peeved)

Just a sec.

SFX: WINDOW OPENING

ARTHUR

Um, could you all go, please? Seems they're covered against all of you.

SFX: PIRATE 'YAHARS', YETI GROWLS, DALEK RUMBLES, FADING OUT. PAUSE

ARTHUR (aggressive)

Right, that's the way we're going to play it is it? OK, how about third party fire and Rambo?

MABEL

Now, that's just plain silly.

SFX: WINDOW SMASHING

RAMBO

Don't push me, Colonel!

SFX: HEAVY MACHINE GUN FIRE

ARTHUR (calm, almost smug)

And so ends another day in the life of the average insurance salesm…

SFX: ARROW BEING SHOT, ARTHUR HITS THE GROUND

Hahahaha, brilliant. Should have had Mabel holding the bow at the end though

Thanks for sharing. Very good sketch indeed.

Craig

Edit : this could be a really good advert

Quote: Craig Hosie @ April 1 2009, 4:39 PM BST

Edit : this could be a really good advert

View original

Particularly if the Rambo character shot up a red animated telephone with wheels, a nodding British bulldog and Michael Winner [with Joanna Lumley & Nigel Havers running for cover].

Quote: Geoff Mutton @ April 2 2009, 4:47 AM BST

Particularly if the Rambo character shot up a red animated telephone with wheels, a nodding British bulldog and Michael Winner [with Joanna Lumley & Nigel Havers running for cover].

View original

A sketch in itself Geoff.

At the risk of sounding pedantic, you don't have to live near the sea to have flash floods.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 2 2009, 10:03 AM BST

At the risk of sounding pedantic, you don't have to live near the sea to have flash floods.

View original

How about some actual feedback on the piece opposed to pedantic nitpicking?

Dolly makes a very valid point if the writer prefers accuracy.

Quote: Geoff Mutton @ April 2 2009, 3:19 PM BST

Dolly makes a very valid point if the writer prefers accuracy.

View original

"If" by Rudyard Kipling is quite an astonishing piece of writing. You should read it if you haven't already.

I wasn't having a go at Dolly, just thought it would be nice for her to leave some proper feedback on top of her pedanticism (yes, its a word).

Quote: Craig Hosie @ April 2 2009, 3:47 PM BST

"If" by Rudyard Kipling is quite an astonishing piece of writing. You should read it if you haven't already.

I wasn't having a go at Dolly, just thought it would be nice for her to leave some proper feedback on top of her pedanticism (yes, its a word).

View original

It is proper feedback. It means that gag doesn't work.

Didn't know a running hose would cause such a problem. Relocating their house to the Gobi desert.

Quote: Balf @ April 2 2009, 4:30 PM BST

Didn't know a running hose would cause such a problem.

View original

It can during a hose pipe ban.

Specially in the desert.