A MAN IS BEING LEAD THROUGH CUSTOMS BY A CUSTOMS OFFICER.
CUSTOMS
Could you come with me sir we're concerned you may be carrying something and we'd like to search you.
MAN
Blasted customs, I suppose you want to poke around my fundament for explosives?
CUSTOMS
No sir.
MAN
Oh God you're going to go through my poo aren't you? Looking for explosives? Well I hope you've got some strong coffee, flying makes my bottom shut like an oyster.
CUSTOMS
No sir we do not believe you to be smuggling, drugs, explosives or any other physical objects.
MAN
Then when the bloody hell do you think I was smuggling?
CUSTOMS
Sir you were reading a copy of the Independent with an article on how the enivornment is doomed and the G20 countries can do nothing about it.
MAN
So what?
CUSTOMS
Are you not aware there's a war on terror? Terror is an emotion and I suspect you're attempting to smuggle fearful emotions into the UK.
MAN
But you can't control my emotions.
CUSTOMS
I'm afraid my concern is can you control yours? Now are you a Moslem, Christian...
MAN
Oh what have my religious beliefs got to do with anything?
CUSTOMS
We need to search your soul throughly. It helps to know your faith.
