Sitcom storyline:
Had feedback on my first 10 pages of my sitcom Door To Door in critique. Thanks to all who have commented.
However some of the comments have left me pondering, those being issues raised about the pace of the storyline against general humourous dialogue which hopefully gives an insight to the character/s.
Does the storyline have to be forced down your neck all the time?
I know that may sound a soft question but does it? Can it not be paced slower, more naturally instead?
I would say that in a half hour script there just isn't the time to take things slowly.
Is this something you've completed or just the first scene? If you haven't got to the end yet, you may find that some of what you previously felt was necessary just has to go to keep it within an acceptable page/word count.
Bearing this in mind as you go helps to keep things in check and makes for less editing later. There's nothing worse (well, alright, there is but...) than agonising over cutting your favourite joke because, ultimately, something's got to give and it just doesn't contribute more than a laugh.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:32 AM BSTI know that may sound a soft question but does it? Can it not be paced slower, more naturally instead?
Yes, providing it's funny enough. But if it's not particularly funny, you soon lose interest. And often a cracking story is one way of drawing the audience in.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:32 AM BSTI know that may sound a soft question but does it? Can it not be paced slower, more naturally instead?
Not easy in a half hour show. That's more for 1 hour comedy cramas I would have thought. Not many sitcoms move slowly, except for Royle Family and Shelley.
The most repeated buit of advice on writing sitcoms seems to be that everything should be there for a purpose (i.e. if it doesn't move the story on, cut it).
I've never written a sitcom so I don't know how good that advice is but it seems to be mentioned anywhere you look for advice on writing.
The script is written but needs trimming.
The back end of my 10 pages has been likened to a 'pub conversation', although I dare say when he posted the comment, it was intended to be put across as a bad thing on my behalf, this was not the case for me as that was the sort of vibe I hoped for but in the work place.
Realistic.
A more natural sound, drip fed storyline not a forced down your throat every 2 minutes storyline with people speaking how the average person doesn't.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:45 AM BSTA more natural sound, drip fed storyline not a forced down your throat every 2 minutes storyline with people speaking how the average person doesn't.
Yes, but no matter how naturalistic you are, you still need an opening scene that will hook the reader/viewer. And part of that is setting up the premise of what's going to be happening in the next thirty minutes.
Quote: chipolata @ March 31 2009, 10:48 AM BSTYes, but no matter how naturalistic you are, you still need an opening scene that will hook the reader/viewer. And part of that is setting up the premise of what's going to be happening in the next thirty minutes.
Cheers chipolata,
That is what I've done (or hope I've done 
)
It's just that allot of people jumped on the 'not driving the storyline at all times', as tho they have been brainwashed into thinking that is the only way.
Is it?
Can it not be done any differently?
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:51 AM BSTCan it not be done any differently?
Of course, but mostly only by people who are already accomplished, well known writers.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:51 AM BSTCan it not be done any differently?
Of course, there's more than one way to skin a cat (as I tried explaining to the RSPCA). But in essence, good comedy knows how to tell a story, and no matter what angle you come at it, you should never forget that. IMO.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:51 AM BSTCheers chipolata,
That is what I've done (or hope I've done
It's just that allot of people jumped on the 'not driving the storyline at all times', as tho they have been brainwashed into thinking that is the only way.
Is it?
Can it not be done any differently?
It's not brainwashing. If people want to hear people talking like they are down the pub.... well they go down the pub!
Naturalistic dialogue isn't real conversation. All comedy/drama/art is heightened/translated reality.
Cheers.
The potential sacking is the episode storyline, coupled with a main storyline which is intended to run throughout the series, some of which is setup also in the first scene.
Would a production company feel the same when reading? I mean expect it to be box standard and if it isn't...
Quote: Marc P @ March 31 2009, 10:58 AM BSTIt's not brainwashing, if people want to hear people talking like they are down the pub.... well they go down the pub!
Quote: Marc P @ March 31 2009, 10:58 AM BSTIt's not brainwashing, if people want to hear people talking like they are down the pub.... well they go down the pub!
What if they're recovering alcoholics and can't take the risk? For those poor bastards, a sitcom by random might be just the answer.
Quote: chipolata @ March 31 2009, 11:00 AM BSTWhat if they're recovering alcoholics and can't take the risk? For those poor bastards, a sitcom by random might be just the answer.
Exactly, they are my demographic.
Quote: random @ March 31 2009, 10:51 AM BSTIt's just that allot of people jumped on the 'not driving the storyline at all times', as tho they have been brainwashed into thinking that is the only way.
Is it?
Can it not be done any differently?
The Simpsons often starts with one story, and simply leaves it behind to pursue another, unrelated one. The characters sometimes joke about the unresolved parts of the plot.
The Office, episode 1.
Introduction of characters and seeing how they get on (or how they don't) with each other dominates until about 7 minutes in. It's at this point we then find out about one of the branches will have to incorporate the other.
This is then not mentioned again until about the 20 minute mark when DB calls a meeting.
My point being so much of this episode is character only and not directly plot driven.