Door To Door (posties) Sitcom script :)

My new opening scene from my sitcom.

Gulp!

In hope of feedback... good/bad... as honest as you like

Door To Door

Mrs Mutton used to be a Postie, so I can relate to the situation.

I felt a certain part was written for Ricky Tomlinson but that's not a bad thing. It also reminded me of On the Buses - maybe the uniforms.

I think I'd be happy watching that as written.

I agree with the Ricky Tomlinson and on the buses comments.

Think the script is a little dated though. Can't imagine a sitcom on TV where they would refer to Alan Carr as a "Wooly Woofta"

Didn't really make me laugh out loud and thought it went from being a family sitcom one minute to needlessly crude the next.

Not sure whether you should refer to the economic situation either? By the time the sitcom got made it would probably all be over. I could be wrong on that one though.

On the plus side I think it is a good idea for a sitcom. Should be lots of plot opportunities and can't think of a similar sitcom.
You obviously know the area well which is always important.

Cheers, thanks for the speedy comments

Understand where you're coming from re: RT

RE: 'refer to Alan Carr as a "Wooly Woofta"' a bloke knocking sixty says this.

Big thanks again for your thoughts, must dash on the school run

It does feel abit 70s. And jokes about an incredibly camp comic being gay are a bit odd? Also it all exposition for 5 minutes everyone telling us what's happening and no one showing.
I think you could tidy and tighten it alot.

Oh and Tigger was a Tigger not a lion!

Quote: sootyj @ March 30 2009, 8:21 AM BST

It does feel abit 70s. And jokes about an incredibly camp comic being gay are a bit odd? Also it all exposition for 5 minutes everyone telling us what's happening and no one showing.
I think you could tidy and tighten it alot.

View original

Cheers sootyj, thanks for your thoughts... RE: 'tidy and tighten it alot', any suggestions?

Quote: Tom G @ March 30 2009, 8:23 AM BST

Oh and Tigger was a Tigger not a lion!

View original

(I Assume you did mean he was a Tiger)

lol, But yeah, I know that Tom

I've not read this yet so I'm not sure in what period it is set - I assume current. However, I wondered about the chances of success of setting a 2K sitcom in the 70s. Would the public shun or revel in the nostalagia on an On the Buses type show.

Current Mr. T

Hey random, at the moment I feel that its ok but it kind of comes across as if you're forcefully introducing every character in the very first scene, so to me, it seems a little busy. If it was me, I would try and stagger the introductions throughout the first scenes. Also, you kept spelling 'lose' as 'loose'. But yeah, potentially the postie situation is a comical goldmine.

Thanks for your thoughts Eden, appreciated

RE: character introduction, I'm a little surprised by that as it only has 5 initially and then introduces 2 more (both of which have a reason)

I wanted to create a 'family at work' type feel, all out for each other when they really need it.

My thinking being a group opening would be best to introduce the characters and allow the reader to see how they got on together.

As once out on delivery, they're on their own.

Re: 'lose' as 'loose', shall go through all before ever sending out, thanks for pointing it out though, you're not the first - I'm shit at spelling

Thanks again

Rather enjoyed that, although I will agree with Eden. I felt there were too many characters from the word go and it got quite confusing so we didn't really get chance to learn much about who they are. It felt a bit like a muddled free-for-all.

That said, I thought the dialogue was good and funny and it got better in the last few pages with regards to the characters. I would defiantly be interested to read more.

Cheers Chris, thanks for the read and comments

Re: too many characters, I did try and hold back with the majority of them to allow the others to breathe but still included them in conversation. Shall ponder!

Thanks for the 'dialogue was good' and that other word which means so much 'funny', pleased it amused

Hey random.

I really enjoyed it. I have to disagree with the majority too with regards to having too many characters at the beginning. I thought it suited the situation and I think you were successful with regards to having the the group pull together like a family.

Dialogue was great.

Thanks for sharing, look forward to reading more

Craig

Cheers Craig,

Thanks for your time and thoughts, appreciated (esp, as they be in my favour )

30 people have downloaded it so far and you're the 6th person to comment, in hope of some more feeback.

Thanks again.