What did they sayyy?
Social etiquette and boundaries Page 8
Quote: Aaron @ March 27 2009, 4:53 PM GMTI avoid awkward chat as I'm generally watching some decades-old sitcom on my media player. Recently has been the incredibly bleak The Cuckoo Waltz, interspersed with In Loving Memory. But that's another incredibly sad discussion altogether.
Careful, Aaron, You're veering off thread. I'm watching you.
Quote: Aaron @ March 27 2009, 4:53 PM GMTBut that's another incredibly sad discussion altogether.
Yeah, that you're fishing to have! 
Quote: Morrace @ March 27 2009, 11:38 PM GMTCareful, Aaron, You're veering off thread.
Perfectly permissible. 
Quote: Morrace @ March 27 2009, 11:38 PM GMTYeah, that you're fishing to have!
Not especially.
Quote: Aaron @ March 27 2009, 11:37 PM GMTWhat did they sayyy?
First was a woman on the tube asking out of nowhere where my mum was from. She gave one word answers so the lady moved on to the man on the other side, who luckily was one of her type and they had a very long and loud discussion about hospitals and dentistry.
The second was a man on a bridge wanting to talk about god. Awesome.
And the third a man on the train home, who listened to an extreeemely quiet and private exchange between me and my mum about Gareth Gates, of all things and then jumped into our discussion and asked us why we'd been in London. We gave one word answers again and went back to our books.
It's nice for people to be friendly and everything, but understand social barriers, pleeeease.
Like I said, probably need a badge to protect well meaning people from us as well as the other way around.
Gareth Gates?!
Quote: don rushmore @ March 27 2009, 5:48 PM GMTFair enough, Seefacts. You have your opinion, and I have mine. On a more positive note, I do see a little good in you - not much, but a little.
Well that's an historic first! Actually being able to accurately read another person's personality from reading their posts on the Internet. We all think we can accurately read the person posting.
On every forum I've ever visited, everyone - everyone - has received expert training that would put a behavioural psychologist to shame. They just 'know' what the other person is like. They know, because they know.
- There ought to be a reality 'blind date' programme based on making the right choices from the posts alone, of the candidates, on Internet forums.
Quote: Aaron @ March 28 2009, 12:19 AM GMTGareth Gates?!
Heh!
It started off as a conversation about stutterers.
Quote: Danny K @ March 28 2009, 12:23 AM GMTThere ought to be a reality 'blind date' programme based on making the right choices from the posts alone, of the candidates, on Internet forums.
Sounds like my life.
Quote: zooo @ March 28 2009, 12:24 AM GMTHeh!
It started off as a conversation about stutterers.
Ah, one of the biting topics of the day. 
Phooee! Wading in on this discussion, a few thoughts:
Now, I understand your wanting to have a private discussion and wanting to avoid the awkwardness and change in tone of the conversation that would likely occur had the couple joined you. So on that side of things, I do sympathise.
However, given it's a crowded room, and given they were eating food and had to sit somewhere, surely it makes sense for them to sit in the only "available" seats, rather then wait around while their food gets cold. Them being elderly and possibly unable to stand around for long with full, heavy, hot plates of food doesn't particularly help your case for etiquette (of course not all elderly people are infirm but I won't expect you to take a full medical history ). Whether or not they were desperate, to me they approached you politely, and their little quip suggests they were making it clear they didn't want to intrude, but just needed somewhere to eat.
Now of course I have sympathy for you if you had limited time for lunch (compared to the "old" people, who surely would have all day to bumble about), perhaps hadn't seen your friend in a while, or were dicussing things of a personal nature (or national secrets - which I wouldn't advise in a busy pub - I also wouldn't advise leaving your bag on the adjacent seat on a train/bus to deter others, if it contains, say, a laptop or disk with, say, personal details of half the population. And I certainly wouldn't then pretend to be asleep! Though many civil servants are clearly not civil by name and nature, as demonstrated by so many of them getting caught out, presumably from pulling the above trick).
Given it's a crowded bar, they'd probably just stand awkwardly around waiting for another seat to become free and be more alert to your conversation that if you'd let them sit in the first place and start their own.
Next point - perhaps not relevant, but do you think you would have acted the same had the couple not been old, but two beautiful women/handsome young men (whichever you prefer)?
I also think your starting point in your argument could be up for review. There was an empty table for five, and you sat at it. Alone. OK, you were waiting for a friend, but not three or four. I could argue what right is it of yours to sit at a table for five, when there may have been a group already waiting. Could you not wait for a party of two to vacate a smaller table, as you later expected the couple to?
What about the bar staff, who, in a recession, are glad to fill up all available space, but can't maximise their efficiency because there are three empty seats free that are blocked by yourself. What about the extra backlog of waiting people they might be subject to, and what about the loss of custom and future revenue if the couple tell their friends the bar's frequented by rude youngsters, or if they or others decided not to wait for another table to become free, but went elsewhere instead.
In short, if it's not your establishment, do you have the right to allocate seats as you wish? Also bear in mind you didn't even fill up half the seats on your table.
Anyway, my overriding thought is that whether you granted or denied their request, you should have done so politely, as they had been to you. It is that that is the offensive thing, and could potentially lower your friend's opinion of you, (and the elderly couple's opinion's of "young" people).
Not a dig at you, just my thoughts given the described situation.
Quote: Danny K @ March 28 2009, 12:23 AM GMTWell that's an historic first! Actually being able to accurately read another person's personality from reading their posts on the Internet. We all think we can accurately read the person posting.
On every forum I've ever visited, everyone - everyone - has received expert training that would put a behavioural psychologist to shame. They just 'know' what the other person is like. They know, because they know.
- There ought to be a reality 'blind date' programme based on making the right choices from the posts alone, of the candidates, on Internet forums.
Still a virgin, aren't you, Danny?
Quote: Danny K @ March 28 2009, 12:23 AM GMT- There ought to be a reality 'blind date' programme based on making the right choices from the posts alone, of the candidates, on Internet forums.
It might just work, y'know?
*Puts on Hippy Mum hat*
Don, I think the point that Danny and Marc was making it that it was comming across that you were making judgements on Seefacts and his personality based of a few written words on a forum. You know, some of the biggest issues we have on this site and this also appears on others is that too many people make silly judgement about people they've never met and feel that it's right to have a go at them personally because they didn't like a subject or an opinion that was brought up by that person. Ask anyone here who has ever attended a meet. Very few have ever said "Oh so and so is just as I thought they were". Computers are misleading.
The post was about Seefacts looking back at this and wandering if he was in the wrong or right, NOT boasting he was right. He ADMITS it himself he could have been nicer. Everyone here has passed an opinion on if Seefact was right or wrong but you are the only one attempting to take it further by making it personal, asking him if it was you would he do the same to you? I would like to ask if YOU would say that to him if you weren't on the other end on a computer? He is not comming across as a rude bully but you are and that the impression you are putting out there right now which is what Marc and Danny reacted to and you replied, not with any decent facts, but personal and rude remarks, when they were reacting to you in the same kind of reaction you used on Seefacts.
I don't know you as a person. I've never met you, I know little about the kind of person, you are, all I've seen is some posts on this one thread. If I did what you did and judged you soley on those posts, and this is in theory, I would have to say you are a bully. In a post you made a remark about how you were a 6ft boxer and that is intimating language (don't pretend it wasn't, it was and 15 year old boys pull that one) and you back up this image when both Danny and Marc pointed this out by lashing out back with rude comments. That's not fair of me at all, is it? I'm making a snap harsh judgement of someone over something I read. That's not the whole you is it? And it's not very nice, is it? I actually hope you are a good person who cares about people and just wanted to stand up for people you never met making the world better which would be very nice of you.
I'm not saying what ether said was right of what Seefact did wasn't rude but what I am doing is pointing out that judging people over a silly post is dumb. And you are being just as badly behaved as the people you are lashing out at.
We all get a bit carried away. Everyone here does (oh the fun) but I think you'll find we are a nice lot. Even Mr Facts. Grudges are rarely held. If they were, not one would post. Tea?
Quote: zooo @ March 27 2009, 11:22 PM GMTI might get a badge.
Trust me, they all want one.
Quote: zooo @ March 27 2009, 11:43 PM GMTLike I said, probably need a badge to protect well meaning people from us
Didn't know that was part of the deal.
I have badge makers!
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ March 28 2009, 2:48 AM GMTI have badge makers!
Makers, tell her to let me go!
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ March 28 2009, 2:39 AM GMTThe post was about Seefacts looking back at this and wondering if he was in the wrong or right, NOT boasting he was right.
I doubt this very much. Few people, if any, start a thread with the aim of hearing people tell them they have done wrong. Mr Facts was seeking justification for his actions, that is all.