I was looking through some files on my old laptop and found my very first script that I wrote when I was only 11 years old. I thought I'd share and see if any of you have a "first script" to share as well. Always good to see how far we've come!!
Here's just small snippet of the show. This is only the first 10 pages or so. The script actually comes out to around 51 pages. Maybe I'll post more if I have time to format it all!
Logline:
This is is an ensemble comedy about two young men - Oz Kicks, the straight man in his world of chaos, and his lazybones best pal, Stevie Emmerson, who share a small student apartment. As if Oz's life isn't hard enough, thanks to his crazy Sicillian mother, Provi, and bothered, shaken up father, Allan, who continually drop in to embarrass him - his strange, poor buddies, Chuck and Jeff, the Right brothers, are kicked out of their own apartment and invite themselves to move in with Oz and Stevie. Also in the building is Oz and Stevie's push-over of a friend, Matt Tremmon, Oz's dream girl, Audrey Smith - who lives across the hall, her roommate, Heather Cummings, Oz's brother, Adam, and Adam's bookworm girlfriend, Jessica Merris. All the chaos not only cramps Oz's plans to win the heart of Audrey, but makes life even harder than usual for the simple minded man. And now, faced with a choice of four males living across the hall, who will Audrey choose?
ACT ONE
SCENE A
INT. OZ AND STEVIE’S APARTMENT - DAY (1)
OZ IS SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING T.V. WHEN HE NOTICES THE CAMERA.
(TO CAMERA) OZ
Oh, hello. Didn’t see you come
in. I’m glad you decided to join us
this evening. My name is Oz Kicks and
what you will be seeing tonight is
the sad, sad story of my life. I live
in a small apartment with three of my
friends. My life was fine until two of
my friends moved in. Now you may ask
me, "Oz, why watch this when I can
just be around my own family and
friends?". Well to answer that question:
it’s because mine is better. Enjoy.
ACT ONE
SCENE B
INT. OZ AND STEVIE’S APARTMENT - DAY (1)
STEVIE IS SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING T.V. AND EATING A SANDWICH WHILE STILL IN HIS BOXERS.
STEVIE
Ah, yes. Now they have the
emotional fat woman. Why do
they always have to have fat
people on T.V. when I’m eating?
(HE SIGHS) You can’t trust
anyone anymore.
OZ ENTERS.
OZ
Hey, Stevie. Talking to the
T.V. again, eh?
STEVIE
(HE FEIGNS LAUGHTER) You really
should consider a career in
stand-up comedy. I’m telling
you, Oz. You could make a
fortune.
OZ
Really? You know, I was
always told I’d make a...
(INTERRUPTING) STEVIE
I was being sarcastic.
OZ
I see.
STEVIE
This is disgusting.
OZ
What are you eating?
TEVIE
No. It’s what I’m watching.
It’s Something with Rosie O’
Donnell in it.
OZ
Ouch. Why?
STEVIE
Rather watch "Seventh Heaven"?
OZ
I see your point.
STEVIE GETS UP AND WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN.
(CON’T) OZ
Anyway, Chuck and Jeff want to
take us out to lunch today.
STEVIE
Why? What do they want? They
ruin everything. No. No, no.
OZ
Yeah. Seemed a little weird.
STEVIE
I mean, remember last time
they took us out to lunch?
OZ
Yeah...we’re still paying
off that boat.
STEVIE
Why did they need it again?
OZ
They wanted to sail to
Alaska.
STEVIE
Yeah.
OZ
Didn’t even get past Santa
Monica.
STEVIE
Who sails to Alaska? Who
goes to Alaska? Only pure
idiots go to...
OZ GIVES A "CHUCK AND JEFF ARE IDIOTS" LOOK.
(CON’T) STEVIE
This is true.
OZ
Alright, now go get ready.
STEVIE
What, I can’t go like this?
OZ
Stevie, you don’t even have
pants on.
STEVIE
Fine, fine, fine. I’ll put
pants on. (SAID UNDER HIS
BREATH) Stupid restaurants,
what with their dress codes
and fancy rules.
OZ
Did you smoke something
today?
STEVIE FEIGNS LAUGHTER AS HE WALKS INTO HIS ROOM.
SFX. PHONE
OZ
I got it.
OZ ANSWERS THE PHONE.
(ON THE PHONE) OZ
Hello? Hi, Ma. What? You’re
going to the store and want to
pick me up some underwear? Ma,
I’m fine. I have enough
underwear. No. No you don’t.
No, you don’t need to know my
size ‘cause you’re not buying
me any underwear. No. Ma,
you’ll regret this. I don’t
know Stevie’s size. Fine, let
me ask. (HE YELLS TO STEVIE)
Stevie, do you need any new
underwear?
(FROM HIS ROOM) STEVIE
Is it your mom again? Why does
she have to do this every week?
No. Tell her no. I’m fine.
(ON THE PHONE) OZ
He says he’s fine, Ma. Alright.
Bye.
STEVIE COMES OUT OF HIS ROOM.
STEVIE
Why does she...
(INTERRUPTING) OZ
Just ignore her.
STEVIE
Yes.
OZ
What?
STEVIE
What?
OZ
Why did you say, "yes"?
STEVIE
You know, like, "I understand".
OZ
...Okay.
STEVIE
I hate you, you know.
THEY EXIT.
CUT TO:
ACT ONE
SCENE C
INT. OZ AND STEVIE’S APARTMENT - DAY (1)
OZ CONTINUES TALKING TO THE CAMERA.
(TO CAMERA) OZ
Now, let me explain how
Chuck and Jeff are. Chuck is
a pretty sane person, but
Jeff has some problems. What
those problems are - too many
to mention. Can we fix these
problems? We’ve tried. Basically,
with Jeff’s insanity, Chuck has
trouble keeping his own sanity.
The two of them together is what
you might call, a screaming
tornado of horror.
ACT ONE
SCENE D
INT. A RESTAURANT - DAY (1)
OZ, STEVIE, CHUCK, AND JEFF ARE EATING LUNCH AT A RESTAURANT. BY OZ AND STEVIE’S FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, WE CAN SEE THAT IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY FOR THEM.
STEVIE
So, Chuck, Jeff - what’s the
reason for this...wonderful
evening?
OZ
Afternoon.
STEVIE
Whatever.
JEFF
What, two friends can’t take
out their best friends for a
little lunch?
CHUCK
Frankly, I’m insulted that you
think we would only take you
out if we wanted something.
OZ
What about the...
(INTERRUPTING) JEFF
The boat. Yes, yes. I know,
I know.
STEVIE
Seriously, what do you guys
want?
CHUCK
Really, it’s nothing.
(ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE THE
SUBJECT) How’s your lasagna,
Stephen?
STEVIE
I’m eating a burger with fries.
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) JEFF
Well, both are Italian.
OZ AND STEVIE EXCHANGE STRANGE LOOKS.
OZ
Alright, well I think we’re
gonna get going.
JEFF
No, no, no. You can’t leave yet.
We haven’t gotten desert yet.
STEVIE
Oh no. That’s okay. I think
I’m good.
OZ
Yeah, I don’t need anything
else. I’m full.
JEFF
Oh, come on. Some pie, rum cake...
CHUCK
Ice cream.
JEFF
Carrot cake.
CHUCK
Some fudge. They have good
brownies.
OZ
Yes, thank you, giant talking
menu’s. Now what do you want?
CHUCK
Alright, alright. Well, I
hate to tell you this, but...
JEFF
Chuck’s a woman.
CHUCK
What?
STEVIE
I knew it!
CHUCK
What?
OZ
Oddly enough, I can see it.
CHUCK
No, it’s not that.
STEVIE
But you are a...
(INTERRUPTING) CHUCK
I’m not a woman!
STEVIE
Okay, okay. Sorry.
OZ
Yeah. Sorry...ma’am.
OZ AND STEVIE TRY TO HIDE THEIR LAUGHTER.
CHUCK
What, are you two in fourth
grade?
JEFF
Come on guys. Give her a break.
CHUCK
Oh, how funny. You slipped,
"her" into there instead of,
"him". I get it. Ha! You make
me laugh. The switch - all
very clever. You keep that up,
Jeff. You keep that up.
(SAID UNDER HIS BREATH) Immature
fool.
A WAITER WALKS UP.
WAITER
Hi, everyone. Can I get you
anything else? Some desert
maybe? We have some wonderful
deserts tonight. Rum cake...
(INTERRUPTING) OZ
Yes, yes. We know what you
have. No need to tell us.
STEVIE
Rum cake, huh?
OZ
We really just need the check.
WAITER
I’ll go get it for you.
THE WAITER WALKS AWAY.
OZ
Alright, so what is it that
you want? Please just tell
us.
JEFF
Well, see, for the past few
days...
CHUCK
Days?
JEFF
Okay, months. For the past
few months we haven’t been
able to pay our rent ‘cause
it went up.
OZ AND STEVIE GROW UNEASY.
CHUCK
Yeah. The point is, we need
a place to stay for a while.
OZ
Hm...
STEVIE
Man, that sucks.
OZ
Yeah, I know.
PAUSE.
STEVIE
So where are you going to
stay?
OZ
I think what they mean is that
they need to stay with us,
smart one.
STEVIE
I know. Just the thought of
it hurt my brain.
JEFF
So do you think we can stay
with you guys? It’ll only be
for a while. A week.
CHUCK
A month.
JEFF
Maybe a few months.
STEVIE BENDS HIS SPOON FROM STRESS ABOUT THE SITUATION.
OZ
And you’ll pay us...
CHUCK
Yes. We’ll pay you back for
the boat.
OZ
So, a few months, eh?
(SAID ANGRILY) STEVIE
A few months. Chuck and Jeff.
A few months. (CALLS TO THE
WAITER) I think I have that
rum cake now.
