Quote: random @ March 27 2009, 3:13 PM GMTShould you have a new page for each new scene?
That doesn't really matter one way or the other; a producer isn't going to be put off your script because you don't start each new scene on a fresh page.
Got my script back from Writersroom Page 4
Quote: Marc P @ March 27 2009, 11:24 AM GMTBut I was disappointed when I heard that Mr PETER DOHERTY, a fine upstanding member of his local community, was meeting BBC bosses on Tuesday for a job interview.
The junkie, who claims to have cleaned up his act bar a few gin and tonics, was being briefed about writing a pilot for a drama series.
A source at the Beeb's HQ said: "Pete was meeting creative chiefs. They've commissioned him to write a Skins-style show on the dark side of the music industry.
I'd watch it though. 
I'd prefer to watch Geri Halliwell's film!
It's good how he's trying to give himself the facade of respectabilty by going from Pete to Peter!
As it is, the directions aren't really televisual. That short sequence is complicated for two reasons.
1) It's impossible to convey the intended message at the moment. Given that the TV audience don't know Steve's name at this point, there is no way of conveying who she's phoning, whether it's the guy who's just left or someone new.
2) It's also really hard to play. I've no idea how an actor can do 'surprised but not really that shocked'.
I think this is stuff that may have let you down.
Yeah, s'pose. Looks like a rewrite is in order.
You have some good characters
Maybe needs more pace, dunno, who am I to say.
I enjoyed the read and feel it has potential but I personally think it needs more to grab the reader as it tends to plod on... (being totally honest, at times it was an effort to read on) and by the end it didn't leave me wanting more
Thanks for those observations. Much appreciated.
Mind you. Take any drama (or film) and it'll take a while (at least 10 - 15 mins) to get going while he characters/scenes are established.
Maybe I should take the advice from earlier and start from Scene 8.
I envision as being a modern day Auf Weidersehen Pet or Boys From Blackstuff.
.
Finally read it and I'm afraid that I agree with most others. A case in point is this dialogue:
STEVE:
Can't. Got to go home and get
changed first. Do you really think
I'm going to do manual work in
these threads? See you.
(1)This was a one-night stand with a woman Steve obviously doesn't care about.
(2)He's in a hurry.
So he's not going to explain to her why he's got to go home and get changed.
Anyway, here's how I see the first couple of pages:
________________________________________________________________________________
1 INT WOMAN'S BEDROOM DAY
A YOUNG, QUITE ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, EARLY 20S SITS UP IN BED. SHE'S JUST HAD SEX WITH STEVE WHO IS NOW SITTING ON THE EDGE OF THE BED, PUTTING ON HIS TROUSERS. HE IS EARLY 20S, HANDSOME, 'DESIGNER' CLOTHES.
WOMAN:
You're off early.
STEVE:
Community Service.
WOMAN:
What for?
STEVE:
Done for drink driving
THE WOMAN'S DISAPPROVAL FLASHES ACROSS HER FACE.STEVE NOTICES THIS.
STEVE:
Yeah, yeah. I know, don't tell me.
WOMAN:
Thank Christ we got a cab.
STEVE:
(DISINTERESTED) Yeah, right.
STEVE STANDS UP AND BUTTONING HIS SHIRT.
WOMAN:
Stay a bit longer?
STEVE:
Sorry, love.
WOMAN:
You've got ages yet. (Patting bed) Come on.
STEVE:
Gotta go home and change.
STEVE MAKES FOR THE BEDROOM DOOR.
WOMAN:
Steve...?
STEVE LOOKS BACK AT WOMAN
STEVE:
Yeah?
WOMAN:
Will I see you again?
STEVE:
You've got my number.
WOMAN:
Okay. Bye.
STEVE BLOWS KISS AND GOES OUT.
AFTER HEARING THE FRONT DOOR CLOSE, THE WOMAN TAKES HER MOBILE FROM HER HANDBAG ON HER BEDSIDE CABINET. SHE THEN PICKS UP A PIECE OF NOTEPAPER WITH STEVE'S NUMBER SCRIBBLED ON IT AND DIALS NUMBER REFERRING TO NOTEPAPER. SHE LISTENS.
FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE:
This number has not been recognised. Please check and try again.
WOMAN:
(SARCASTICALLY) Oooh, there's a surprise.
SHE LIES BACK IN HER BED AND SMILES TO HERSELF.
________________________________________________________________________________
.
woodmiester; how do you send it direct to a bbc producer?. Do you just get the radio times and send it to Joe Bloggs c/o the bbc?
j26
Quote: Mikey Jackson @ March 27 2009, 4:56 PM GMTMind you. Take any drama (or film) and it'll take a while (at least 10 - 15 mins) to get going while he characters/scenes are established.
No it doesn't. Not in commerical drama. That's what story is all about. Have a look at the first scene of the first episode of Jonathan Creek. Or if you like read Goldman's Adventures in the Screen Trade and see what he does with the opening to Butch Cassidy. Dramatic means exactly that. There is no room at all for establishing scenes and characters unless it is through STORY. Everything else is waffle and padding or Waiting for Godot.
Morraces example not only reads more fluently but also shaves off a whopping 80 words... and still delivers the same.
Although I do prefer the line: 'What a bastard' 
This is not a dig by far, but where would we be if we didn't have people as such as Morrace with greater experiences sharing what they know... answer: probably not writing anymore.
And as ever it would appear you'll not go far wrong listening to the advice Mr P gives.
Quote: Marc P @ March 27 2009, 5:38 PM GMTNo it doesn't. Not in commerical drama.
Yeah, if the things start getting interesting in scene nine, then make scene nine scene one. Especially if you're a new writer; you've got to grab them from the off.
Special thanks to Morrace for the EXCELLENT "piece of notepaper with Steve's name on it."
Much better way of doing it. Thanks.
And all advice taken on board for dramas/opening scenes, etc.
I've actually taken the Community script offline now.
Rewrites pending.
Should you have a new page for each new scene?
Quote: Mikey Jackson @ March 27 2009, 9:03 PM GMTShould you have a new page for each new scene?
Don't worry about that, honestly, it won't make a blind bit of difference to whether a producer picks it up or not; just worry about getting the content right and you'll do fine!
That script WAS sent to WR as "new page each scene" .... I merely got rid of the page breaks before uploading it.
I remember there being a debate about this a few months ago.
I do recall someone saying it doesn't matter for spec scripts.
MJ, can I ask, did you let anyone else read this prior to sending?
Also, how long did it take 'till the Writersroom got back to you on this?
Quote: Mikey Jackson @ March 27 2009, 9:16 PM GMTThat script WAS sent to WR as "new page each scene" .... I merely got rid of the page breaks before uploading it.
I remember there being a debate about this a few months ago.
I do recall someone saying it doesn't matter for spec scripts.
No, I can't imagine it would matter but more just about general presentation I guess.
There is no room at all for establishing scenes and characters unless it is through STORY. Everything else is waffle and padding or Waiting for Godot.
I remember watching a lot of those one-off dramas.
With one particular drama (from a first time writer, so it was peddled) the first ten minutes were waffle.
It started in a church, people singing. Then showed a housewife at home cleaning. Then dropping off people at school.
All menial stuff, but these were the first scenes. Funnily enough, they never really established anything.
But yeah, I do understand about hitting the ground running.
My other drama goes straight into the action literally.
But I won't send it as I know it'll be an expensive series to make.