Social etiquette and boundaries Page 5

Quote: Seefacts @ March 27 2009, 1:06 PM GMT

God I'm a terrible person!

I'm rude and mean!

The point I was raising is that I don't think people should ASK to join a table, they should just assume it's taken. Surely it's pretty obvious sitting with stangers is going to ruin said strangers'afternoon?

And I'm with Lee on the bag-on-seat thing. Until the train is getting busy, my bag is riding in comfort.

The fact is people who'll chat to strangers ruin the day for people who just want to be left alone.

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Seefacts, I'm 32, well over 6 foot and was once a professional boxer. So, just out of interest, if I had asked to join your table, would you have treated me in this same disrespectful way - or is it just the elderly you pick on with your fantastic wit?

Human beings are social creatures; we tend to enjoy the company of others. A public restaurant isn't normally a place someone would visit in search of silence and solitude. It was a less-than-ideal situation - all the tables were filled and a fellow human being asked a small favor of you. You had every right to deny them, but we are at our best when we sacrifice selflessly in order to help another human being - especially when it comes at no great expense to ourselves.

Earl Hickey would chalk it all up to karma.

Quote: don rushmore @ March 27 2009, 4:12 PM GMT

Seefacts, I'm 32, well over 6 foot and was once a professional boxer. So, just out of interest, if I had asked to join your table, would you have treated me in this same disrespectful way - or is it just the elderly you pick on with your fantastic wit?

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The question wasn't about my rudeness, it was about letting people join your table / asking to join someone's table.

Very well said, DaButt.

Quote: DaButt @ March 27 2009, 4:22 PM GMT

Human beings are social creatures; we tend to enjoy the company of others

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Not everyone, that's just a generalisation.

We're not basic animals with only instinct to rely on.

Quote: don rushmore @ March 27 2009, 4:12 PM GMT

Seefacts, I'm 32, well over 6 foot and was once a professional boxer. So, just out of interest, if I had asked to join your table, would you have treated me in this same disrespectful way - or is it just the elderly you pick on with your fantastic wit?

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Don Rushmore: Excuse me but is it alright if I sit here?

Seefacts: No problem. Can I hang up your coat for you?

I'd have given them a Brent-esque "Whatever" if they asked to sit down. So now they've got what they want, but now they'll be on a lookout for the next free table, while not bothering you.

Quote: Seefacts @ March 26 2009, 11:03 PM GMT

I posted in General, but I think the wider issue deserved it's own thread.

So, picture the scene.

I went to lunch with a friend today. I get to the busy bar and it's packed out, only one table left, which I sit at. It's a table for five. I'm sat there waiting for my friend, whilst I peruse the menu.

My friend joins me, making it two people and three empty seats.

Half-way through our food an old couple approach us and say 'Excuse me, would you mind if we sat and watched you eat (chuckles) Only kidding, we're eating too'. To which I, perhaps rudely, replied 'Well, yes we would'.

Now, had we let them join us it would have effectively ruined our tete-a-tete. We couldn't relax, and talk as frankly as we do. We would have to had stopped swearing or discussing anything risque. The table would have also been quite tight, as it was elliptical.

Now, surely the rule in this situation is - if there's nowhere to sit, you f**k off and find somewhere else?

Did I do the right thing?

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It's extremely rude and inconsiderate for two people to sit at a table for five in the first place. You say that the place was packed and it was the only one left, which creates a loophole of acceptability. But to then refuse others the opportunity to sit down is terribly rude. And quite self-centred that you seem to think they'd be interested in or bothered by what you and your friend were talking about in the first place. If you'd let them sit down and then they'd complained about your topic of conversation, then you could have politely told them to f**k off.

Quote: DaButt @ March 26 2009, 11:40 PM GMT

I always invite strangers to join me if there are no other tables. I've met some very interesting people and had some great conversations after doing so.

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For all he knows, the woman could be Beryl Vertue's best friend, and he just screwed himself out of a possible easy contact.

What were you eating?

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ March 26 2009, 11:50 PM GMT

One of my worse social fears is having to stand next to someone who smells. I am a bit of a funny quirk about stink. I can't bear the idea of smelling bad and feel contaminated if I'm near something that smells awful so if I get close to someone who knows nothing about soap, I really struggle hard not to react because I don't want to offend them but at the same time every cell in my body is screaming "GET AWAY FROM ME".

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Do you like garlic?

Quote: Morrace @ March 27 2009, 4:38 PM GMT

Don Rushmore: Excuse me but is it alright if I sit here?

Seefacts: No problem. Can I hang up your coat for you?

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Exactly, Morrace. And point well made, Aaron.

Quote: Morrace @ March 27 2009, 4:38 PM GMT

Don Rushmore: Excuse me but is it alright if I sit here?

Seefacts: No problem. Can I hang up your coat for you?

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How is basic intimidation worse than rudeness out of interest?

I more concered about why everyone was eating out - don't people know there is a recession on?

Quote: Aaron @ March 27 2009, 4:43 PM GMT

It's extremely rude and inconsiderate for two people to sit at a table for five in the first place. You say that the place was packed and it was the only one left, which creates a loophole of acceptability. But to then refuse others the opportunity to sit down is terribly rude. And quite self-centred that you seem to think they'd be interested in or bothered by what you and your friend were talking about in the first place. If you'd let them sit down and then they'd complained about your topic of conversation, then you could have politely told them to f**k off.

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In my defence, it was a tight table of five. And I thought you'd be on my side Aaron? Would you like strangers sat very close whilst eating??

I feel this thread hasn't done my forum reputation much good.

Quote: bigfella @ March 27 2009, 4:48 PM GMT

I more concered about why everyone was eating out - don't people know there is a recession on?

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I didn't have caviar or anything.

Quote: Lee Henman @ March 27 2009, 12:24 PM GMT

Dunno about anyone else but I always keep my bag on the seat next to me on a train. I really do NOT want anyone sat next to me on a train journey and will do anything to discourage it. I've travelled on the train hundreds of times and never yet had a conversation with a stranger that I didn't want to end as soon as possible.

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Ditto. I'll do anything to avoid someone sat next to me. They'll almost always stink of garlic. However, if it's busy and someone does wish to sit down next to me, I'll move my bag (and normally coat).