Got my script back from Writersroom

Got my script back from Writersroom.

Sorry, but no thanks!

I can understand this:

"We get shitloads of scripts every week" ... yeah, granted, most WILL be shite.

But...

The worst bit is this:

"We only focus on writers who we feel can be developed further by the BBC."

Which begs the question...

What arrrrrrre they looking for?

My script was polished. (I could see my face in it!)
It's written so that it's enjoyable for the reader. (none of that "cat sat on mat, he opened door, he... YAWN! closed door" bollocks)
Good story.
I've studied the Read Scripts section. Looked at how they're written.
Given it my own true voice.
I've done everything!

But yet it was cast aside.

I know the Beeb isn't the be all end all, but I believe I am a good writer with a unique voice.

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking...
Here we go! Another crap writer with delusions.

OK, then. I'll put my script where my mouth is.

The first episode of Community (PDF) can be read at:

*************** EDIT ********************
I've now taken this script offline as I've had plenty of advise about rewrites.
Thanks to all who provided feedback.

Feel free to kick me while I'm down.

Don't send your stuff to the Writers Room, send it to production companies; you've a much better chance of getting interest that way.

Ignore them. It's highly unlikely they read past the first few pages. As Mr Stott says, concentrate on prod co's.

I have a friend who had a radio sitcom in development with radio 4 a few years back. He'd sent the script out to all and sundry including writersroom. He also sent it direct to a producer at the Beeb who liked it and he did some rewrites and got some money, only a few hundred quid but money nonetheless.

Long story short, while he and the producer were working on it, he received the copy of the same script he'd sent to writersroom with the same 'no thanks, you're not a writer we're interested in' letter you got.

The script didn't go futher than the intial payment but regardless, it shows that the writersroom will merrily reject stuff that is actively being developed by producers in the same company.

Here endeth the lesson.

Mikey. Don't worry about it, one chap will read it and hate it and the next guy will think its the best thing since fire.

Smile when you get a rejection you're one step closer to finding the person who wants to buy your script.

Or just go and get pissed.

Thanks guys.
I've started sending stuff out to prodcos.
Haven't sent THAT script out yet though as I was awaiting the reply from WR.

Mikey, I read the first 12/13 scenes and this is my opinion for what it's worth and bear in mind it's just another person's point of view.
I would have started the episode with scene 8 and gone into their homes/lives much later.
There seems to be too much telling and not showing. For instance the vodka taken to 'work'... show it, we'd know what's happening if he kept taking a sneaky swig. The one that seems depressed/ill, show him, the dialogue is explaining too much.
It's a good idea and a topical one with loads of potential.
Also the characters seemed too 'proper' but that maybe what you intended, my image of community workers [from what I've seen round here] are young and mostly common, as in Shameless.
I do hope you are ok with these observations ...you'll probably tell me to go to hell anyway

Hiya Bushbaby.
Thanks for your input.

Well, the characters are "proper" because they're not really crims as such, just ordinary people who've made mistakes. Drink driving, housing benefit fiddling (which is what Trev has done but that isn't revealed until ep 2)
I didn't want to make another Shameless full of chavs.
Later episodes will explore their home lives.

Also, I felt the early scenes introduced the characters in a SHOW way.
We know Steve dresses well, has charm, can pull birds, etc.
We can guess Trev's wife has left him. Messy house, no food. And we are revealed that he's an alcoholic early on, and that he's put vodka in his water.
We know that Sam likes his weed and that something is depressing him.

But of course, your observations have been taken on board.

Oh I see about the characters, that will make a change....I still think you should start at 8 though but I know how hard it is to rewrite, it would entail a lot of work. But 'they' do always say start with a 'bang' something that really draws the audience in.
I became really interested at the 8th scene and wanted to read on.

Oh I see about the characters, that will make a change.... I still think you should start at 8 though but I know how hard it is to rewrite, it would entail a lot of work. But 'they' do always say start with a 'bang' something that really draws the audience in.
I became really interested at the 8th scene and wanted to read on.

Oh, I don't mind any rewriting.
I WILL take a look at the script again and will no doubt pull it to bits.

Just this second started reading it, Mikey. This leapt off the page:

"Now the WOMAN sits up in bed. The usual needless covering of breasts with duvet!"

'The usual needless covering of breasts with duvet!' What's all that about?

This is an opinion written into a direction!. It could be interpreted as a criticism of the BBC; hence:

"We only focus on writers who we feel can be developed further by the BBC." could mean:

"We only focus on writers who keep there criticisms to themselves"

If it landed on say, a puritalical scriptreader's desk, they possibly didn't read any further!

But, hey, I'll continue reading it.

That was just a bit of tongue-in-cheek-ness.

Wasn't supposed to be a critism.

Mikey - the way you've worded the direction in this is very annoying and may have put the reader off.

eg: "WOMAN, early 20s, rubs hand across face"

"STEVE PARKER, getting dressed, seated at side of bed"

"WOMAN momentarily contemplative, wistful. After heaing front door close, narrows eyes..."

I can see you're trying to be economical with your words but it's much better to use words like "her" and "his" and "the". The way you've written it feels very mechanical and cold. A script should read like a story. Forget the nonsense you might get told about a script merely being a set of instructions, it isn't. It's a story too and you have to be engaging in the direction as well as the dialogue.

I'll read on, but I suspect this may be part of the problem

Yeah, I have been rather economical with words, I suppose.

Gutted for you

On page 21 so far but must get to bed, up at 3am

Many of the opening scenes seemed to have more direction than anything else, didn't grab me. Plus as mentioned, the direction seemed short and abrupt almost.

21 pages and I don't wish to sound a twat but I've not laughed that much either, just being honest (maybethat's just me, dunno, so take no notice) got better when they were all together, maybe the rest was more visual/direction, again, dunno.

I've no idea where this is going (storyline... or have I missed something)

Shall read the rest but not tonight... good night.

It took me a while to realise the Writersroom is little more than 'cultural advertising'; it gives the impression that the BBC is a creative meritocracy where talent will out, regardless of class or educational background. But it has been scientifically proven that if you take the average number of 'new talents' they find each year, multiply this by the Writersroom wage bill and overheads, cover it all with a class ceiling (sorry, glass ceiling) and boil your head for fifteen minutes, you end up disappointed. Oh, and good luck.

Yes, I know I'm being as much fun as someone who's farted in a crowded lift, but the Writersroom get's me so wound up! Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Woof Woof.