Salad evil.

PROFESSOR BOB AND PROFESSOR BILL (DISHEVELED) ARE LOOKING AT SOME VEGETABLES GROWING IN A LAB.

BOB
This is project Titmarsh? Half a million pounds into genetically modified salad vegetables?

BILL
Yes this is project Titmarsh. Oh most of my colleagues have obsessed on making vegetables bigger, tastier more robust. But not me!

BOB
So what have you done?

BILL
I have amplified their personalities, I have given voice to their very souls.
I am the Spartacus of the slaves of the market gardeners!

BOB
You loony salad vegetables have no personalities. Your funding is getting the chop.

BILL
Watch this.

THEY GATHER AROUND A COMPUTER.

BOB
That cabbage it's shrivelling up. Is it a virus? A form of caterpillar?

BILL
Oh you poor fool look at the tomato plant next to it. It's being sarcastic.

BOB
You've bloody well cracked up.

BILL
Oh now look at how shrunken and bent over that lollo rosso lettuce is. Now look at the cucumber next to it.

BOB
You going to tell me it's also being sarcastic?

BILL
Don't be ridiculous. It's sexually harrasing it.

BOB
Right I'm off.

BILL
Don't you see Bob, can't you see Bob? They've got personalities and, and....they're ass holes. All salad vegetables are assholes.

BOB GOES TO LEAVE AND FINDS HIMSELF STARING AT A CUCUMBER.

BOB
Put that away it's not funny...I don't like it....stop it you're making me feel dirty.

BOB STARTS CRYING.

BILL IS SHOUTING AT A TOMATO PLANT WITH HIS FINGERS IN HIS EARS.

BILL
Shut up! Shut up! You said he wouldn't believe me why do you always run me down? I hate you.

BILL
Don't you see Bob, can't you see Bob? They've got personalities and, and....they're ass holes. All salad vegetables are assholes.

That is a good line. Not sure about the ending though, feels a bit chaotic.

I think I'm poking around at some sort of 50s stylee horror film vibe.
With the vegetables using they're dark vegetable powers of being assholes.
But that's neither sane nor clear.

Quote: sootyj @ March 24 2009, 10:49 PM GMT

I think I'm poking around at some sort of 50s stylee horror film vibe.
With the vegetables using they're dark vegetable powers of being assholes.
But that's neither sane nor clear.

View original

Yes, I see, you have actually captured the tone of that rather well. If done right, I think that makes sense

There's something I like about this. Vegetables are funny - sexually predatory ones all the more so. I give this Four Carrots!

Unfunny satire? Never, Sir.

This is a great idea, Soots. On a neg, I don't like the occasional tautology; see the repetition in the first sentence of the second line of dialogue. It's only mirroring the opening dialogue. There's at least another one in there, from memory. Also, I'd avoid using names too similar in scripts: makes it easier to read. But these are minor points; I like the ending and echo Bussell's sentiments.

I agree with Slag A on the opening repetition, and I would look again at Bob's dialogue - maybe go for a more bemused tone rather than insults such a loony or cracked up.

But those quibbles apart I like this a lot.