I'm not bitter

A FORTUNE TELLER IS SAT IN A CANDLELIT ROOM OPPOSITE SOOTY J.

TELLER
Before I start I must tell you the rules. My sessions are £5 for just one minute, but if you don't feel it is worth the money then you don't have to pay, ok?

SOOTY
sure

TELLER SETS AN ALARM AND LOOKS INTO HER CRYSTAL BALL

TELLER
I see that you surround yourself with like minded people but you are the shining star, you are the undiscovered genius. Sure, everyone else tries their best but you are the real talent, you are the one who will be remembered as a national treasure.

SOOTY
How did you know?

TELLER
I see you surrounded by TV execs. They are all begging you to let them produce your new sketch show. You have been nominated for so many awards you can't attend every show!

SOOTY
Tell me more

TELLER
You dominate the top ten of every comedy list show, you are the most featured writer ever on the front of a radio times.

AN ALARM GOES

TELLER
Your time is up

SOOTY
That was great here you go

SOOTY HANDS OVER £5 LEAVES THE ROOM

SOOTY GOES OUTSIDE LOOKING SMUG. A SIGN READS "BSG ANNUAL MEETING" ABOVE THE FORTUNE TELLER TENT.

DON RUSHMORE WALKS IN

TELLER
Before I start I must tell you the rules. My sessions are £5 for just one minute, but if you don't feel it is worth the money then you don't have to pay, ok?

DON
Ok

TELLER LOOKS INTO HER CRYSTAL BALL

TELLER
I see that you surround yourself with like minded people but you are the shining star, you are the undiscovered genius. Sure, everyone else tries their best but you are the real talent, you are the one who will be remembered as a national treasure.

Who's Don Rushmore?
Nice sketch but you could either hit the punch faster or have funnier lines on route?
You will be funnier than Hornes and Corden dying in a freak vibrator pastry death?

N.B. am I the only BSGr to turn up in sketches?

Who's Don Rushmore?
Nice sketch but you could either hit the punch faster or have funnier lines on route?
You will be funnier than Hornes and Corden dying in a freak vibrator pastry death?

N.B. am I the only BSGr to turn up in sketches?

Rushmore was another BSGer who slated my tarot sketch!

you should feel privelged, I'd love to me thought of highly enough to star in a sketch.

"He doesn't care what they say, as long as they're talking about him." 24 hour party people

Didn't slate it, Tom, just pointed out the punchline was very, very old. I first heard it on a Russ Abbot show in the eighties. It was also used in a film from 1995 called The Big Game.

It's ok, It was just a bit of fun. It was a bit weak.

Quote: Tom G @ March 23 2009, 11:02 PM GMT

It's ok, It was just a bit of fun. It was a bit weak.

View original

With that, Sootyj kissed her apologetically, turned over and went to sleep.
.

Now Morrace our pillow talk is private.
Besides you always put me off by crying and saying your sick of playing the girl.

Quote: sootyj @ March 24 2009, 2:02 PM GMT

Now Morrace our pillow talk is private.
Besides you always put me off by crying and saying your sick of playing the girl.

View original

It's not that I actually mind playing the girl, Sootyj - it's the fact that you use fat from the frying pan instead of KY.
.

Quote: Morrace @ March 24 2009, 2:33 PM GMT

It's not that I actually mind playing the girl, Sootyj - it's the fact that you use fat from the frying pan instead of KY.
.

View original

Fair does I'll wait atleast an hour after frying the sausages.
See I can be sensitive. What ever that damn marriage guidance counsellor says.

Quote: Morrace @ March 24 2009, 2:33 PM GMT

It's the fact that you use fat from the frying pan instead of KY.
.

View original

I can't believe it's not bitter butter.

Quote: Rob0 @ March 24 2009, 3:49 PM GMT

I can't believe it's not bitter butter.

View original

To the tune of?

I wish it was Butters.
Southpark gag!

The title of the thread said "not bitter"
So I changed so it read as "not butter"
You said Sooty used fat
Butter replaced that
So it was a weak pun, oi you nutter!

Quote: Morrace @ March 24 2009, 4:48 PM GMT

To the tune of?

View original

What am I? A Jukebox?

Oh, if you insist :

Young man, put that fying pan down
He said: Morrace, pick that fat off the ground
He said: Morrace: SootyJ's back in town
There's no need for K-Y jelly

Young man, hand me my pillow
He said: Morrace, you just go with the flow
Take that wig off, and shake free your curls
If you're sick of playing the girl

It's fun to quip at the b-s-g-board.

Quote: Rob0 @ March 24 2009, 5:21 PM GMT

The title of the thread said "not bitter"
So I changed so it read as "not butter"
You said Sooty used fat
Butter replaced that
So it was a weak pun, oi you nutter!

What am I? A Jukebox?

Oh, if you insist :

Young man, put that fying pan down
He said: Morrace, pick that fat off the ground
He said: Morrace: SootyJ's back in town
There's no need for K-Y jelly

Young man, hand me my pillow
He said: Morrace, you just go with the flow
Take that wig off, and shake free your curls
If you're sick of playing the girl

It's fun to quip at the b-s-g-board.

View original

Now THAT was funny!