Probably a bit crap this, but I thought I'd see where I could take a simple idea I'd had...
TOP FLOOR APPARTMENT - DAY
GARETH - who is Welsh - is sat on a window-ledge of a top floor apartment in his underpants. A copper approaches from inside and peers out of the window.
GARETH
Don't try anything; I'll do it, I will.
COP
Ok now you just calm yourself right down. What's going on here?
GARETH
What do you mean 'what's going on on'? I'm sat on a ledge in my underpants, crying, there's loads of people at the bottom looking up at me, and the police – that's you – have been called to sort things out and talk me down. What do you think is going on?
The COP looks vacant. He shakes his head as if to say he has no idea.
GARETH
I'm going to jump man, to kill myself, to end the miserable, unremitting nothingness that is my life and leave this cruel, cruel excuse for a world.
COP
Ah ok. <BEAT> Things not going so well then?
GARETH (exhasperatedly)
That's it, I'm gonna do it.
COP
Woah woah woah, hold on, why don't you tell me what the matter is and we'll see if we can't sort this out.
GARETH
Everything's the matter. Tell me, are you married officer?
COP
Yes I am. Why?
GARETH
Well, your wife, do you know where she is right now? Who she's with? What she's saying about you? Who's opening doors for her and buying drinks for her?
COP
Err...well...she's err...
GARETH (heated)
You don't know do you officer? She could be anywhere with anyone doing anything, couldn't she officer? Just like mine.
COP (worried)
I suppose she could.
GARETH
Same here. And there's kids?
COP
Yes, two.
GARETH
When was the last time they thanked you for anything? We gave up our whole lives to look after them – do they ever show any gratitude?
COP
Errr..no I do...
GARETH (cuts cop off)
Do they buggery!
The cop stares into space, reflecting, upset.
GARETH
Your boss – does he appreciate you, does he? Your colleagues, do they ask you to go for a drink with them?
The cop is now crying, shaking his head.
GARETH
Today is my birthday and nobody has said anything. So there, now you why I am here; nobody cares about Gareth. I'm sorry officer, but you failed to save me, we're both failures. So I'm just going to jump, ok?
The doorbell rings. The cop is crying too much to notice.
GARETH
Are you going to get that or what man?
The COP ignores him. Aggrieved, GARETH gets off the ledge, puts a robe on and heads to the door - he opens it.
At the door, and all down the staircase, are Gareth's wife, kids, boss and colleagues. They are holding a banner saying 'Happy Birthday Gareth – we love you!'
GROUP
Surprise!
GARETH is overcome with happiness is beaming as people rush in the flat and hug him.
Behind Gareth the COP throws himself out of the window.
