Hello all. I know I have mucked about a little with my ideas. This one though is kinda serious so I would appreciate any form of critique and suggestions to make it funnier or funny. Open to all ideas. Hell edit the shit out of it and post it. Im new to all this and this is actually the first sketch I have attempted to write. So im not expecting micracles. But do I show any prommise.
This is a play on the secret millionaire. Im not sure if the concept has been done before. If I thought of it im sure a few others have already. Anyhow. Here it is.
THE SECRET BROKE
(Youth Club hall. Two men stand watching kids play football. Graham the youth club manager is wearing sports clothing. Barney the secret broke is wearing a very dapper expensive looking suit and is carrying a brief case)
Voice Over: Barney is a 32 year old tramp from London. He has been living on the streets for well over 10 years. Today he is meeting local youth club Manager Graham Horris. Graham doesn't know about Barney's true identity. He believes him to be a millionaire willing to invest in the youth club
Graham: It's just great to be able to watch them kick about a ball and enjoy themselves. While there in here having fun there not on the streets getting into trouble. Its just resources are so low, we just haven't got the money to keep this place operating
Barney: Ahh don't worry about it pal. I'm filthy rich me, a millionaire, don't worry by the end of this show Im going to give a big fat wedge. You hearing me. I'm a millionaire
(Jeans living room. Barney sits on an armchair drinking tea. He sits opposite local pensioner Jean Witty)
Jean: So my gas bill came in and I couldn't even afford to pay it. I had no heating for three days. My cockatiel died. He couldn't take the cold.
Barney: Don't you worry old girl. I'm filthy rich. I'm a millionaire me
(Spits out tea on carpet)
Call this tea
Jean: I can't afford tea anymore. I have to make my own teabags with bits of old tights and cigarette ash
(Jean begins to weep)
Barney: Don't you worry old girl. By the end of this show you will be drinking cups of liquid gold.
Jean) PG?
Barney: That's the ones
(Youth Centre Hall. Graham and Jean sit waiting for Barney to arrive. Barney walks into the room. Instead of wearing a suit he is wearing an old smelly green tramp jacket. He is carrying a cheap bottle of cider which he begins swigging)
Barney: Morning people. I have a confession to make. I told you all I was a millionaire. Well I wasn't being completely honest with you. I'm actually a dirty hobo and I own jack all
(Barney laughs)
Jean: Oh no. The secret broke
Barney: Hah you've seen the show and still you got fooled. No sympathy for you old girl
Graham: This isn't the secret broke
Jean: No Barney. Its not
(Jean and Graham smile wickedly)
Graham: You see Barney. This isn't the secret broke. You're actually on the secret cannibals show
Jean: You walked straight in to the trap
(They both towards him wielding forks and knives. Barney backs away sheepishly)
Barney: You can't do this. This isn't right
(Jean and Graham laugh wickedly)
Jean: Let's eat the homeless bastard
Graham: Lets