Oh. Feel free to kick me as you pass.
Help required with my new sitcom about a taxi firm Page 4
Sebastian, you don't really need to put "pause for audience laughter to subside."
Might come across as a bit cocky to a production company.
And the bit about no change for the twenty. Very true. I hated that when I was a cabbie.
Quote: Mikey J @ March 19 2009, 2:43 PM GMTSebastian, you don't really need to put "pause for audience laughter to subside."
Might come across as a bit cocky to a production company.
Wise counsel indeed. Thanks.
If it got to recording, you'd leave pauses to the performers to work out.
Quote: Mikey J @ March 19 2009, 2:55 PM GMTIf it got to recording, you'd leave pauses for the performers to walk out.
Mikey that's just mean!
On the contrary, Mikey J! It is vital to put 'pause for audience laughter to subside' after all the amusing parts of any scripts! How else will the script-reader know which are the funny bits? I have often put 'pause while audience changes out of their soiled underwear' and 'pause while audience stitch up their split sides'.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ March 19 2009, 10:32 AM GMTAnd there's always the embarrassed cabbies who - apropos of nothing - like to tell their lady passenger very racist jokes, only for her to tell them that her husband is black and can subsequently enjoy the rest of the journey in silence and the knowledge a tip won't be expected.
This has happened to you on many occasions, hasn't it?
Writing is a form of preserved talk, talk that has been pinned down on paper (or on a computer's hard-drive) so the words can be heard again. The basic principles of good writing, apart, from grammatical correctness, are presented as follows:
Right. I have worked in a bit about warty hands. Let me know what you think guys:
(note: SOLLY BOWELS is the washed-up cabaret singer and JIM PROBITY is the former MP turned cabbie. In this scene they are sitting in a grotty caff having a cup of tea and a chat)
BOWELS: ... So I've found mixing lemon juice with warm water and bicarbonate of soda works a treat.
PROBITY: Hm, yes. I had my first one the other night. Dear Christ, it stank worse than the Government's case for war against Iraq.
[pause for audience laughter to subside]
The whole point of writing is to create something better than actual speech – something more interesting, more thoughtful, and more effective in every way, if an expression is confusing, ambiguous or unintentionally vague (like a lot of stuff on this site!), it can hardly be an effective use of the language. When writing comedy, this is doubly important. Some BSG members may find Sebastian Melmoth's script a lot funnier than theirs and trash it. Well, frankly, they are just jealous.
Ignore them, Sebastian and keep writing!!
Quote: Aaron @ March 19 2009, 4:21 PM GMTThis has happened to you on many occasions, hasn't it?
No, never.
Mikey that's just mean!
arhhh, I've been set up, with words put into my typing. 
The whole point of writing is to create something better than actual speech – [/quote]
No it's not.
I guess it can be called 'better than real speech' in that it's an artificial construction (of the scriptwriter) that is concise, free from tautology, repetitions (unless for character's sake), in which every sentence conveys either plot, character statement, or joke payload. Real speech is rarely any of those and is often tedious as oppossed to gripping TV. A 10 minute conversation in real life can often be whittled down to its bare essence.
Am torn over moving this to Crit but the thread seems to straddle that and this section, so don't want to dump on PaulW.
Melmoth - those character names would have most script readers putting it down. One 'comedy' name is a maybe, but littering the show with such screams newbie.
Mikey J are you actually old enough to drive?
)
Quote: SlagA @ March 19 2009, 8:44 PM GMTMelmoth - those character names would have most script readers putting it down. One 'comedy' name is a maybe, but littering the show with such screams newbie.
'screams newbie.'
That's the desired effect. Hook. line & sinker!
