I dunno, maybe it's just me but doesn't anybody else get the impression that Mr Melmoth is just taking the piss?
And the Keith Barron thing wasn't a sitcom, it was a drama, "Take Me Home". I watched it. It was sad.
Help required with my new sitcom about a taxi firm Page 3
Howard Devoto??? He was in the Buzzcocks
*tries to imagine Danny Devito as a punk*
If it wasn't so late I'd boot up Photoshop
Quote: James Harris @ March 19 2009, 12:19 AM GMTI dunno, maybe it's just me but doesn't anybody else get the impression that Mr Melmoth is just taking the piss?
Not Mr Melmoth! Surely! But his associates are posting a lot, yes. The twats. 
I have very high hopes for this series, and trust that the Radio 4 scheduler will not consign it to the graveyard 11pm slot. No, I see this as a worthy replacement for one of those wheezy old 6:30pm comedy carthorses such as Just A Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Chairman. In my view, panel games are fundamentally unsound when played for comedic effect - what the 6:30pm Radio 4 audience wants is a guffaw-inducing sitcom featuring larger-than-life characters and outrageous scenarios.
Can we move this to critique please?
Quote: Sebastian Melmoth @ March 18 2009, 11:19 AM GMTAre there any cabbies out there reading this who could share any hilarious real-life incidents that happened to them which I can steal wholesale and shoehorn into my scripts?
Maybe avoid any cabbie who wants to tell you about the times he pretended he's had a big win at a casino and offers his lady customers a drink.
And there's always the embarrassed cabbies who - apropos of nothing - like to tell their lady passenger very racist jokes, only for her to tell them that her husband is black and can subsequently enjoy the rest of the journey in silence and the knowledge a tip won't be expected.
I remember once paying a cabbie with massively warty hands, and because I didn't want to get too close to his flesh - warts are famously contagious - I sort of threw the money in his general direction and scarpered. You can use that if you want.
I got about 4 warts on my hands, back when I had a paper round, when I was 15. I wouldn't have minded, but I only did the round for 6 weeks, before laziness forced me to pack it in. The warts, meanwhile, hung around for about 2 years.
As for cabbies, the worst one I ever had, was a former soldier, who regailed me with tails of how he and other Brit soldiers used to regularly drag innocent people off the street, and beat the crap out of them, when he was serving in Belfast. He said it was easy to get away with, by simply telling his superiors that it was self-defence.
Quote: catskillz @ March 19 2009, 11:06 AM GMTI got about 4 warts on my hands, back when I had a paper round, when I was 15. I wouldn't have minded, but I only did the round for 6 weeks, before laziness forced me to pack it in. The warts, meanwhile, hung around for about 2 years.
As for cabbies, the worst one I ever had, was a former soldier, who regailed me with tails of how he and other Brit soldiers used to regularly drag innocent people off the street, and beat the crap out of them, when he was serving in Belfast. He said it was easy to get away with, by simply telling his superiors that it was self-defence.
You do realise your post could have huge implications?
(I mean the Northern Ireland bit, not the warts bit)
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ March 19 2009, 11:15 AM GMTYou do realise your post could have huge implications?
You're saying we shouldn't go near Catskills posts because we may get warts? Bit harsh.
The cabbie in question was in his 50s, and this was in about 2000, so he was talking about the '70s.
Right. I have worked in a bit about warty hands. Let me know what you think guys:
(note: SOLLY BOWELS is the washed-up cabaret singer and JIM PROBITY is the former MP turned cabbie. In this scene they are sitting in a grotty caff having a cup of tea and a chat)
BOWELS: ... So I've found mixing lemon juice with warm water and bicarbonate of soda works a treat.
PROBITY: Hm, yes. I had my first one the other night. Dear Christ, it stank worse than the Government's case for war against Iraq.
[pause for audience laughter to subside]
BOWELS: Anyway, look at these here warts on my hand.
PROBITY: Good gracious, what horrors!
BOWELS: They're beauties, an'they? Mind, they don't half put off the fares sometimes.
PROBITY: I can well imagine.
BOWELS: A girl I had in the cab once refused to put the money in me fist - threw a twenty at me and ran off screaming.
PROBITY: Oh dear.
BOWELS: I ran after her, didn't I? Chased her as far as Streatham, until finally she collapsed on the street with fatigue and sheer terror. I was in a right sweat, I can tell you.
PROBITY: I can imagine.
BOWELS: I stood over her, wheezing and gasping for breath, and she was in the gutter, her head in her hands, shaking and screaming.
PROBITY: What did you do?
BOWELS: Gave her the twenty back. I an't got change for a bloody twenty.
Like I said, if it could be moved in to critique. Where it belongs.
Quote: Marc P @ March 19 2009, 12:04 PM GMTLike I said, if it could be moved in to critique.
What's it to you where it belongs?
Quote: chipolata @ March 19 2009, 1:04 PM GMTWhat's it to you where it belongs?
I rarely look in critique!