Jaded Sketch

Hi there. My wife was telling me about Jade and I felt like writing.

JADED

TWO SCUMMY LONDON PR HACKS ARE HAVING A MEETING DISCUSSING JADE'S FINAL SCENE.

PR1: That's beautiful that is. A burberry coffin. Class touch, Jade'll
love that.

PR2: Yeah but we need to sort out the deathbed scene.

PR1: Kid's obviously.

PR2: Obviously, we'll mace 'em before they they go in. Better if the tears
are real.

PR1: Obviously, we'll need Jack too.

PR2: Mace Him too?

PR1: Nah it has no effect. He's so thick he can't secrete fluids.

PR2: Yeah I've never seen him sweat. Not even at the weddin'.

PR1: It's gonna be a short sentence aint it. Ere what about that Indian bird?

PR2: Indian bird?

PR1: Yeah you know. That Indian sort that was on CBB with her.

PR2: What the kids channel?

PR1: No you twonk! Celebrity Big Brother. What was it? Shipper? Stripper?

PR2: Shitter?

PR1: Thats it! Shilpa Shitty!

PR2: Oh yeah Shilpa Shitty! I'd have dipped that.

PR1: Obviously. We get 'er. She comes in cryin'.

PR2: We'll mace 'er.

PR1: Obviously and Jade too so she's crying.

PR2: Nice touch. They can have a reconciliation.

PR1: Yeah you're not a big f**king racist Jade. That sort of thing.

PR2: She'll bring 'er a curry.

PR1: They hug, they cry, they eat the curry. Cue Coldplay.

PR2: Brilliant!

PR1: We are good.

PR2: I'll get the Charlie.

END.

I like and write dark stuff. But, if there's a Taste Line, then I reckon this skit crosses it.

A 27-year-old woman who is dying of cancer and probably has only a few days left in her life is, I think, not a suitable subject for topical comedy.

Do me a favour. The sketch is about the crass nature of the media manipulation of the event which lets face it is being orchestrated at her request.

Putting the decency debate to one side. Where are the jokes? I can see comical observations, but nothing is constructed to be funny.

It just feels like a pointless jab, at least make it a good read, where we can marvel at your writing abilities and comic genius.

I've rewritten this post several times, as I don't won't it to come across as a knee-jerk reaction to the subject, it's not that. It's late and I'm wasted, I just hope this post is in English.

"The sketch is about the crass nature of the media manipulation of the event which lets face it is being orchestrated at her request."

Really?

I love dark, black, even sick comedy - when it's funny. This is badly written and it is not funny. Neither is it satire. It's crass in itself and as subtle as an elephant farting in one's face.

My, my. This has raised temperatures.

I'm afraid I agree with Leevil and Morrace. It struck me as a bunch of fairly obvious and quite heavy-handed jokes about PR types.

I'm not sure about the whole taste debate. I do think you're off the mark with the 'orchestrated by her' comment; while I have little time for the BB celebrity sub-species, I do think it's rather sad that she sees herself so much in terms of her reality TV lifestyle that she can't even do this most private thing out of the spotlight.

Dunno, but everytime I see Max Clifford, all I see in his eyes are the fires of Hades' domain, and flashing poundsigns like in the cartoons. I try to avoid all this celeb stuff, it just doesn't appeal to me. Perhaps because satire is my weakest point, or maybe I just don't give two shits.

I've got some sympathy with you Pod, because your sketch is, as you say,

Quote: PodWORLD @ March 13 2009, 1:42 AM GMT

... about the crass nature of the
media manipulation of the event...

View original

I started writing a vaguely similar sketch for the 7 on 7 opportunity - it was about Max Clifford, but it could have been misinterpreted. I abandoned it totally when I realised that no matter how well I wrote it, it still crossed the taste border - it depended on the death of someone terminally ill to make it work. That was when I thought I should stop (and it will never see the light of day).

I think only the very best sketches can get away with touching this kind of subject, and they need to be 100% clear that they skewer a deserving target. I know mine didn't and I don't think yours does either.

The taste debate isn't of interest to me. I don't think there is a subject that can't be used for comedy.

But comedy has to be funny - and this isn't. Also, I feel that if you're going to use a subject that is in debatable taste the joke has to be very funny - enough to get that sort of guilty laugh, where the person hearing it doesn't want to laugh, but can't avoid it.

The jokes here seem to be using mace to make someone cry, mangling an Indian surname to make it sound a bit like shit and thaty people in the media use cocaine (they really don't any more - sadly...)

This sketch is just poor. If you want to shock, there are definitely Jade jokes that would be funny to some, but this isn't.

Quote: Barbs @ March 14 2009, 1:18 AM GMT

The taste debate isn't of interest to me. I don't think there is a subject that can't be used for comedy...

Also, I feel that if you're going to use a subject that is in debatable taste the joke has to be very funny

View original

The taste debate is of more interest to you than you thought, maybe?

I've managed to contradict myself quite well!

I think I was trying to say that while for me personally I'm not too worried about subject matter, many (most?) people will be.

I will laugh at something that is a good joke regardless of the subject of the joke, but many are naturally predisposed to avoid laughing at anyone who is suffering in any way. Getting them to laugh in such circumstances requires getting them to override their natural reluctance and so requires an exceptional joke.

Quote: Barbs @ March 14 2009, 1:31 AM GMT

I've managed to contradict myself quite well!

I think I was trying to say that while for me personally I'm not too worried about subject matter, many (most?) people will be.

I will laugh at something that is a good joke regardless of the subject of the joke, but many are naturally predisposed to avoid laughing at anyone who is suffering in any way. Getting them to laugh in such circumstances requires getting them to override their natural reluctance and so requires an exceptional joke.

View original

Agreed - if you are going to tread on dangerous ground you need to have good feet.

Quote: Badge @ March 14 2009, 1:46 AM GMT

Agreed - if you are going to tread on dangerous ground you need to have good feet.

View original

Did you hear the one about the noncy hobbit?

Well, I liked it.

Sure, it's heavy handed but Clifford's campaign is about as subtle as Jade's head shooped onto a shuttlecock. Some have moaned about the lack of funny but I think the too thick to secrete line is good enough to steal.