The Morning After

THE MORNING AFTER

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

NIGEL, IN HIS DRESSING GOWN, ESCORTS KATY (STILL DRESSED IN LAST NIGHT'S LITTLE BLACK NUMBER) TO THE FRONT DOOR. ON THEIR WAY THEY PASS PAUL.

PAUL:
Morning.

KATY:
(BLUSHING) Hi.

EXT. PORCH - DAY

EARLY MORNING. BIRDS TWITTER.

KATY:
I hate the walk of shame (LAUGHS).

NIGEL:
Don't be silly, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

KATY:
I know, but…

NIGEL:
…listen, I had a great time last night and I'd love to see you again.

KATY:
(SMILING) I'd like that.

THEY KISS AND NIGEL WAVES GOODBYE BEFORE CLOSING THE DOOR. BEAMING, KATY MAKES OFF BUT STOPS AS A HEEL GIVES OUT ON HER. SHE GLANCES OVER HER SHOULDER AND SEES –

- NIGEL THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW OF THE HOUSE TALKING WITH PAUL. NIGEL HOLDS UP A FINGER FOR PAUL TO SMELL AND THEY BOTH HIGH FIVE. KATY'S EXPRESSION DROPS.

KATY:
(CHOKED) But… no…

NIGEL HAS ONE FOOT UP ON THE ARM OF THE SOFA, GIVING PAUL A GRAPHIC DEMONSTRATION OF HIS SEXUAL TECHNIQUE.

KATY BEGINS TO SOB.

BACK ON NIGEL, WE SEE HIM MOUNTING PAUL AND THRUSTING AWAY IN A GROTESQUE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF LAST NIGHT'S ENCOUNTER.

KATY (CONT):
You bastard!

NIGEL HEARS HER FROM OUTSIDE AND STOPS IN HIS TRACKS. THERE'S A LONG PAUSE, THEN HE HOLDS UP HIS FINGERS IN A "CALL ME" GESTURE.

KATY IS GOBSMACKED.

PAUL SAYS SOMETHING INQUISITIVE AND NIGEL SHAKES HIS HEAD IN AN "OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO!" WAY.

KATY RUNS OFF BAWLING.

END SKETCH

What a prick!

Like it. Not sure about the finger-smelling though.

Quote: shaggy292 @ March 12 2009, 2:04 PM GMT

What a prick!

Like it. Not sure about the finger-smelling though.

View original

What, too graphic?

Possibly. Would make me wince a little bit.

That's not to say it wouldn't work though

Quote: shaggy292 @ March 12 2009, 2:17 PM GMT

Possibly. Would make me wince a little bit.

That's not to say it wouldn't work though

View original

I wondered the same thing. That said, I once knew a guy whose trick was to get you to hold out your hand so he could drop the used condom into it*. What I'm saying is that there's graphic then there's graphic.

*I should add that this is a trick you only fall for once.

Nice sketch. I had the same reaction to the finger thing, but I think it might actually work OK as a cringey-laugh moment.

Might it be an idea to role-reverse it with the girl demonstrating to her mate as the bloke leaves?

Quote: Ponderer @ March 12 2009, 2:46 PM GMT

Nice sketch. I had the same reaction to the finger thing, but I think it might actually work OK as a cringey-laugh moment.

Might it be an idea to role-reverse it with the girl demonstrating to her mate as the bloke leaves?

View original

Not a bad idea at all. Cheers.

Quote: Ponderer @ March 12 2009, 2:46 PM GMT

Nice sketch. I had the same reaction to the finger thing, but I think it might actually work OK as a cringey-laugh moment.

Might it be an idea to role-reverse it with the girl demonstrating to her mate as the bloke leaves?

View original

Liked it... ish... but do think that Ponderer has highlighted the better option!

Funny in my tummy (AKA belly laugh) sketch. Keep the finger in. So to speak. It works with the roles reversed too.

My only worry about reversing the roles is that it might come across a bit glib and "girl power!" That said, a crying man is just funnier than a crying woman.

I thought the finger sniffing bit was fine - it seems to fit with the tone of the sketch.

Also, it's a very neat way of straight away getting across just how horrible a character he is, and what he's chatting about with his mate. I'm not sure (m)any other gestures would have the same effect.

I think the 'call me' gesture might be quite a nice place to stop - ending with the sheer audacity of it.

Quote: Barbs @ March 12 2009, 3:25 PM GMT

I thought the finger sniffing bit was fine - it seems to fit with the tone of the sketch.

Also, it's a very neat way of straight away getting across just how horrible a character he is, and what he's chatting about with his mate. I'm not sure (m)any other gestures would have the same effect.

I think the 'call me' gesture might be quite a nice place to stop - ending with the sheer audacity of it.

View original

Yeah, it is kind of a double punch isn't it? Won't hurt to shoot it and test it in the edit though.

Quote: Barbs @ March 12 2009, 3:25 PM GMT

I thought the finger sniffing bit was fine - it seems to fit with the tone of the sketch.

Also, it's a very neat way of straight away getting across just how horrible a character he is, and what he's chatting about with his mate. I'm not sure (m)any other gestures would have the same effect.

I think the 'call me' gesture might be quite a nice place to stop - ending with the sheer audacity of it.

View original

I agree with that ending. I'd morph a wank/ sucking off hand gesture (THEN HE CLOCKS HER) into the call me (telephone hand) i.e. in one fluid movement.

Quote: Simon B @ March 12 2009, 3:49 PM GMT

I agree with that ending. I'd morph a wank/ sucking off hand gesture (THEN HE CLOCKS HER) into the call me (telephone hand) i.e. in one fluid movement.

View original

Nice. You should write comedy.

Hope you don't mind but knocked up a reverse:

THE MORNING AFTER

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

KATY, IN HER DRESSING GOWN, ESCORTS NIGEL TO THE FRONT DOOR. ON THEIR WAY THEY PASS TINA.

TINA:
Morning.

NIGEL: (SMILES/FEELING SMUG)
Hi.

EXT. PORCH - DAY

EARLY MORNING. BIRDS TWITTER.

NIGEL:
The walk of shame, hey (LAUGHS).

KATY:
Shame... your not ashamed are you?

NIGEL:
Me, know, but… you know, some do...

KATY:
…listen, I had a really great time last night and I'd love to see you again.

NIGEL: (SMILES/EVEN MORE SMUG)
Yeah, yeah, I'd like that... you'd like that. (WINKS)

THEY KISS AND KATY WAVES GOODBYE BEFORE CLOSING THE DOOR. BEAMING, NIGEL MAKES OFF BUT STOPS FOR A GLANCE BACK OVER HIS SHOULDER AND SEES –

- KATY THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW OF THE HOUSE TALKING WITH TINA. KATY HOLDS UP A FINGER AND THUMB ABOUT AN INCH AND HALF APART. BOTH KATY AND TINA BURST IN TO LAUGHTER. NIGEL'S EXPRESSION DROPS.

NIGEL:
(CHOKED) But… no…

KATY HAS ONE FOOT UP ON THE ARM OF THE SOFA, GIVING TINA A GRAPHIC DEMONSTRATION OF NIGEL'S PATHETIC SEXUAL TECHNIQUE. LAUGHING THROUGH OUT.

NIGEL BEGINS TO SOB.

BACK ON KATY, WE SEE HER CLUMSILY MOUNTING TINA AND THRUSTING AWAY IN A BIZARRE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF LAST NIGHT'S ENCOUNTER. AGAIN, LAUGHING THROUGH OUT.

NIGEL (CONT):
You bastard!

KATY HEARS HIM FROM OUTSIDE AND STOPS IN HER TRACKS. THERE'S A LONG PAUSE, THEN SHE HOLDS UP HER FINGERS IN A "CALL ME" GESTURE.

NIGEL LOOKS GOBSMACKED BUT THEN TURNS IT AROUND TO A BIG SMILE AND NODS IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

TINA SAYS SOMETHING INQUISITIVE AND KATY SHAKES HER HEAD IN AN "OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO!" WAY. THEY BOTH BURST IN TO LAUGHTER ONCE MORE.

NIGEL RUNS OFF BAWLING.

END SKETCH