Beckham's Tug of Love (7 on 7 reject)

I'll stick my head over the parapet as well. Here's one of my rejects. I don't know if I went slightly doolally on this one or not - any feedback appreciated. Thanks.

BECKHAM'S TUG OF LOVE

F/XHONE CONNECTION

PHONE OPERATOR:
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Mr Beckham? It's a long distance from Los Angeles.

BECKHAM:
Yeah, I know.

PHONE OPERATOR:
(SIGHS) Putting you through, sir.

F/XHONE CONNECTION

TIM LEIWEKE:
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, David! It's Tim from the Galaxy!

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

BECKHAM:
Sorry, there was interference. From where?

TIM LEIWEKE:
Your employers! The Galaxy!

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

BECKHAM:
How do you do that? It's amazing!

TIM LEIWEKE:
We're the Galaxy.

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

TIM LEIWEKE (CONT'D):
We can do anything. And we need to get you back playing Major League Soccer.

BECKHAM:
MLS was great, but Milan is amazing! And I love Serie A.

TIM LEIWEKE:
Serie A? We're Major League! Never mind AC Milan, you should be playing DC United!

BECKHAM:
But I'm having such an amazing time! I even lost a bit of weight that had been holding me back.

TIM LEIWEKE:
You could have taken Victoria with you. But hell David, AC Milan aren't even the best team in Milan – wherever that is! We're the goddam Galaxy!

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

BECKHAM:
But I want to stay here – it's the best chance of extending my international career.

TIM LEIWEKE:
Dave, Davy, David, you golden ballsy boy, somebody's gotta tell you straight. Your only chance of getting to FIFA 2010 is joining the ballot for tickets.

BECKHAM:
Who's talking about football? I mean my career as a style icon! Have you seen the cut of these Italian suits? And the red-and-black striped shirts really show off my body, it's amazing!

TIM LEIWEKE:
You should be out there selling our shirts, not wearing somebody else's!

BECKHAM:
No! I want to be the mostest stylish man in the galaxy!

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

BECKHAM (CONT'D):
Ha! You've even got me doing it! Amazing!

TIM LEIWEKE:
Hell, I hoped it wouldn't come to this. (ASIDE) Guys, lock co-ordinates and fix the transmat beam.

F/XCI-FI EFFECT – TRANSMAT BEAM FIXED ON BECKHAM

BECKHAM:
(NERVOUSLY) What's happening?

TIM LEIWEKE:
Beam him up boys. Primed for arrival in LA in five seconds

F/X:BECKHAM'S SCREAMS AS HE IS "BEAMED UP" AND IS DUMPED IN LA

TIM LEIWEKE:
Now that's amazing. We are the Galaxy!

F/XCI-FI "WHOOSH"

END

I appreciated slightly doolally. To be honest, the numbers of applicants are such that there might not be a 'reason' as such as to why something wasn't accepted, but I think something more recent might have helped.

This is a good solid funny sketch. Like the hwoe glazy sci fi link. The only critiscm would be that ti takes some time to get going. For the first part you should cut straight to the chase and only include the very best gags but I think it finishes brilliantly.

Cheers for the comments. It was a fun exercise for me - I've done pretty close to zero topical stuff before so this is good practice for when 7 on 7 goes live.

Quote: escalinci @ March 8 2009, 9:50 AM GMT

I think something more recent might have helped.

View original

escalinci? Call it "not good enough", "confusing", "flabby" or just plain "crap", but how is this not recent enough? He's only completed the HP transfer today! And I sent this the day after Tim L said the deal was dead.

Hey Badge

I like this one too. The pacing is *very* good; zips along nicely and makes you want to read the next line.

However, I'm not sure if enough actually *happens* during the sketch -- it's a bit talky-talky. The end bit is quite good, and if you went down the LA Galaxy trying to convince him to come back cos they've got the best/most Star Trek-y gadgets or something and all he wants is to play quality football -- the one thing they can't offer -- it may stand up better.

Dan

Thanks Dan

I wouldn't argue with that talky-talky criticism - it seems most of my sketches are two blokes talking, so I need a bit of a kick into some more variety.

Hopefully, if nothing else, I have alerted some other people to the amount of times Beckham says "amazing". It's amazing. Really, it is.

"Obviously"...

Dan

Sorry, saw the old deal in the news last year, clearly missed the changes.