In custardy sketch

INT. PETER MANDELSON AND JACQUI SMITH:

JACQUI:
Hey-ho, Mandy. I saw you on the news yesterday. You were all custardy.

MANDY:
Custardy?! The only custardy I'm worried about is the custody that protester should be in right now…Home Secretary!

JACQUI:
Oh come, Mandy, it was just a bit of harmless fun.

MANDY:
Harmless? What if it had been acid? Would have ruined my beautiful suit! And my boyish good looks!

JACQUI (PEERING AT HIS FACE):
They don't call you the King of Spin for nothing, do they?

MANDY:
So you've seen me dancing? Aren't I magical? (DOES A FLOUNCY SPIN)

JACQUI:
OK, let's sort out some protection for you shall we? Stab-proof vest? I don't leave the house without one.

MANDY:
You don't leave the house without four policeman.

JACQUI:
I do!

MANDY:
Yeah, your second house.

JACQUI (IRRITATED):
Do you want the vest or not?

MANDY:
She didn't try to stab me, she covered me in custard.

JACQUI:
Very well. I have just the thing.

MANDY:
What the devil's this?

JACQUI:
An apron.

MANDY:
And are we going to send her a summons?

JACQUI:
I can't.

MANDY:
Whyever not?

JACQUI:
Our Postman's on strike

Hi Rob

I really liked it - my only critique would be to suggest dropping the dancing line. The King of Spin is a strong one and that response watered it down for me.

V good though - last line made me l.o.l.

Jx

.
I basically agree with Jane, Rob.

As well as dropping the dancing line, drop the 'my beautiful suit! 'my boyish good looks!' Mandelson is ANGRY! He might utter those lines at a dinner party, etc., but not when he's concerned about his security.

Maybe - "What if it had been acid!? I could have been scarred for life!"

Apart from that, very funny sketch. I loved the 'Yeah, your second house' line!
.

Thanks Jane, you're right there, was the remains of a bit about his stated desire to go on Strictly Come Dancing. Trying to fit in too many topics.

Morrace,
Felt the acid line was a bit strong and wanted to dilute it with the next line. (excuse the puns). You're right about it though. So of course have lifted your idea (if that's OK?) But then feel the Spin King line doesn't follow as well.

Another problem is she's actually been taken into custody now. Which may have f**ked it all up anyway.

But anyhoo:

*EDIT*
INT. PETER MANDELSON AND JACQUI SMITH:

JACQUI:
Hey-ho, Mandy. I saw you on the news yesterday. You were all custardy.

MANDY:
Custardy?! The only custardy I'm worried about is the custody that protester should be in right now…Home Secretary!

JACQUI:
Oh come, Mandy, it was just a bit of harmless fun.

MANDY:
Harmless? What if it had been acid? I could have been scarred!

JACQUI:
OK, let's sort out some protection for you shall we? Stab-proof vest? I don't leave the house without one.

MANDY:
You don't leave the house without four policeman.

JACQUI:
I do!

MANDY:
Yeah, your second house.

JACQUI (IRRITATED):
Do you want the vest or not?

MANDY:
She didn't try to stab me, she covered me in custard.

JACQUI:
Very well. I have just the thing.

MANDY:
What the devil's this?

JACQUI:
An apron.

MANDY:
And are we going to send her a summons?

JACQUI:
I can't.

MANDY:
Whyever not?

JACQUI:
Our Postman's on strike

OK at the risk of disagreeing with people when I've only been here 5 minutes, I actually thought the bit about 'boyish good looks' followed by 'King of Spin' was really strong and missed it in the second version. (Not that you've copied him here, but it's the sort of thing Alan B'Stard would worry about!)

I agree the new line is more realistic and definitely gives it some oomph which is good, but you could possibly still add a bit about his handsome face after it.  Tone down the 'boyish good looks' phrase if you feel it needs to be more 'manly' (no pun intended), although it works for me either way.

Does that make it more confusing!? 

Jx

(ps Aaron, the endless edits are still down to my poxy computer deleting all my formatting for no reason!)

Robo

Good one.

I also like the boyish good looks line.

Just one comment. I don't like the apron line so much. Maybe she could give him a bowl of apple pie to go with his custard?

Quote: bigfella @ March 9 2009, 8:17 AM GMT

Robo

Just one comment. I don't like the apron line so much. Maybe she could give him a bowl of apple pie to go with his custard?

View original

Quote: bigfella @ March 9 2009, 8:17 AM GMT

Maybe she could give him a bowl of apple pie to go with his custard?

View original