This was my take on the Zimbabwe situation but it feels really wierd now since the advent of recent events.
INTERVIEWER: So, Morgan Tsvangirai, how are you enjoying your first week as Prime Minister of Zimbabwe?
TSVANGIRAI:Well, I feel that so far it is a success. And I should stress, in particular, that I am not dead.
INTERVIEWER: <BEAT> Yes, well. <BEAT> But, surely you must be concerned that there has been a fresh wave of farm seizures in the face of condemnation throughout the world?
TSVANGIRAI:This is indeed regrettable, and I have raised it most firmly with the appropriate ministries, and they congratulated me.
INTERVIEWER: On your statesman-like response?
TSVANGIRAI:No <BEAT> on the fact that I was still alive.
INTERVIEWER: <BEAT> So, what is your…
TSVANGIRAIINTERRUPTING) Have you seen this picture of my house?
INTERVIEWER: <BEAT> Very nice. But what…?
TSVANGIRAI: Did you notice the complete lack of flames?
INTERVIEWER: That's hardly worth commenting on, surely?
TSVANGIRAIo you think so? You'd be surprised how noteworthy most members of Zanu PF have found it.
INTERVIEWER: Mr Tsvangirai, I would be failing in my duty if I did not point out the irony of Mr Mugabe's birthday feast taking place while millions go hungry.
TSVANGIRAI: Of course, we must work to put this right, but, as Mr Mugabe pointed out to me <BEAT>. To feel hungry one first needs to be – A-ha-ha - <BEAT> alive. Which, of course, I am.
INTERVIEWER: And have any of your colleagues raised the concern that becoming Prime Minister under President Mugabe is something of a betrayal
TSVANGIRAI: No. None of my colleagues have expressed such a concern. <BEAT> A number of ex-colleagues voiced such opinions, but have now ceased to do so. Did I show you my house?
INTERVIEWER: Yes, you did. So, in summary, your principal achievement in government is to stay alive?
TSVANGIRAI: Yes.
INTERVIEWER: Bloody hell. It's just like talking to Gordon Brown.