Give us an extract of your diary.

8am-4pm
Got kicked out of my pit 4 hours after crawling in it. Walked into kitchen and straight into dog shit. Squidgedinto my toes.(Oooops I forgot to let them out before bed).

Friend came around.
Yap yap yap yap yap.

Went shopping. Brought clothes, that I then had to hide before hubs came home & saw. (We be saving at mo see).

7pm.
Hubs finds receipt of clothes on the floor of the bedroom. (Must have fallen out of the bag in my rush to destroy the evidence)
Hubs shouts. Yar yar YAR blah BLAH blah. Nerma nerma ner.
(I will never make a great criminal)

11.50pm
Came on BSG to write shit, about shit.

Charley, will you ever learn? You keep trying to do these confessions things, but us blokes "grrr!" don't keep diaries, we're not all Peep'es.

Next up you'll expect us to express our "feelings".

Quote: Charley @ July 26, 2007, 11:51 PM

Went shopping. Brought clothes, that I then had to hide before hubs came home & saw. (We be saving at mo see).

7pm.
Hubs finds receipt of clothes on the floor of the bedroom. (Must have fallen out of the bag in my rush to destroy the evidence)
Hubs shouts. Yar yar YAR blah BLAH blah. Nerma nerma ner.
(I will never make a great criminal)

11.50pm
Came on BSG to write shit, about shit.

View original

Obviously they weren't kinky enough.

Got up
Had a poo
Had breakfast (leftovers)
Killed a small elephant
Went to bed

Got up.
Stared at PC.
Stared at a tamazepam bottle.
Waited for the mail to bring yet more rejection.
Stared at a tamazepam bottle.
Stared at a whisky bottle.
Got back into bed, in the foetal position.
Thanked the stars I chose writing.

1400: Checked Email to see if I have a message hailing me as a comedy genius.

1402: Checked E mail again just in case.

1403: And once more. You never know.

1404: Lost the will to live.

1405: Started moping.

2130: Finished moping.

2131: Had a wank.

2132: Finished wank.

2200: Left work

2215: Got home.

Got up
Got on up
Stayed on the scene
Was a bit enigmatic
Had a curry
Then a few beers
Another curry
A few more beers
Got on down.
Thought about shaking my booty
Though better of it
Went to bed pretty well pleased with my efforts really.

Sat 21st July 2007.

[...]and I walked off to the changing room thinking about the hug goodbye. I'd done the ‘squeeze release’ with her (where you give a final squeeze and let go) rather than the ‘pat and out’ (where you give them a pat on the back and that signals the letting go). And straight afterwards it had been awkward, as though a line had been crossed. I know a few of her male friends have been telling her that they are in love with her at the moment, and so she is understandably suspicious of men, but still… Is the squeeze release wrong to use with friends? Maybe nudists should never hug, I thought as I pulled my trousers back on.

Woke up 2 hours late. (Must have been tired).
Went to have toast. Toaster broken.
Went to have a bowl of cornflakes. (Shook the box and one quarter of a cornflake fell into the bowl). Kids are evil!!!!
Decided to not bother with food after that. I mean who needs it.
Trod on dogs ear.Enjoyed that so did it again.

1130: Had a wank.
1135: Woke up.
1140: Had a wank.
1141: Watched This Morning
114101: Hated Eamon Holmes.
1200: Got up.
1205: Eat Weetabix.
1210: Watch Loose Women.
1211: Turned off Loose Women.
1212: Watch Studio60 whatchamacallits?
1300: Turn PC on.
1310: Helped old man do some gardening.
1311: Realized how scarily unfit I am.
1400: Rest.
1430: Log on to BSG.
1435: Start to post in this silly thread, which I slagged off last night, because no one would post in.

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ July 27, 2007, 10:40 AM

1400: Checked Email to see if I have a message hailing me as a comedy genius.

1402: Checked E mail again just in case.

1403: And once more. You never know.

1404: Lost the will to live.

1405: Started moping.

2130: Finished moping.

2131: Had a wank.

2132: Finished wank.

2200: Left work

2215: Got home.

View original

I actually LOLed at that

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ July 27, 2007, 10:40 AM

2131: Had a wank.

2132: Finished wank.

View original

At least no-one's going to complain that it was all over too quickly.

Quote: Leevil @ July 27, 2007, 2:36 PM

1130: Had a wank.
1135: Woke up.
1140: Had a wank.
1141: Watched This Morning
114101: Hated Eamon Holmes.
1200: Got up.
1205: Eat Weetabix.
1210: Watch Loose Women.
1211: Turned off Loose Women.

View original

Is that when you repeated 1140?

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ July 27, 2007, 10:40 AM

2131: Had a wank.

2132: Finished wank.

2200: Left work

2215: Got home.

View original

Quote: Leevil @ July 27, 2007, 2:36 PM

1130: Had a wank.
1135: Woke up.
1140: Had a wank.

View original

Just as I suspected, writers are all wankers. Boom boom. Ahem.

I keep a diary at work and detail everything that happens. Here is last Fridays entry:

Friday 27th July

I get news that Tricky got drunk last night and when he woke up this morning, he was in a strangers house; a man was walking about in a dressing gown and a pregnant woman was also present. Tricky can't remember how he got there.

I have recently been accusing Ali of looking like a gerbil, so I offer to stick my water bottle upside down next to her desk so she can get a refreshing drink whenever she wants!

I show my moose knuckle off to Tara and then Mark.

Tara starts singing 'Here we go round the Mulberry bush'.

Tara and her sister were both caesarean births.

Leah has made a 'dunce' hat and is wearing it.

I pick Tara up and run through the office with her - she nearly bangs her head on the door way between our offices!

I claim that Vikki's left breast is bigger than her right one, but Leah reckons that it's actually the other way round!

30th July 2007

Simon is wishing he'd realised he was allergic to the detergent before he'd put his underwear on.