Hello. I'm new. Be gentle. Although maybe a little rough. You know, just to experiment. I've been reading the boards for a few days now, not been writing sketches for that long really so I would love a bit of critique. This sketch has some obvious flaws that even I can see but still, I'd love to get a bit of general feedback on style, etc.
Number one, it's too long, I know that one...
DOCTOR
OVERLY CHEERFUL) Ah! How's my favourite patient? (LAUGHS)
MAN
ulling through, you know. A bit tired.
DOCTOR:Yes, well, that's understandable. But don't worry, it was a complete success. You'll be up and walking before you can say 'negligent'.
MAN:What? Well, that's a relief.
DOCTOR:Yes, routine operation in fact. (DISMISSIVE) Well, there was one minor mishap, but nothing to worry about.
WOMAN:Mishap?
DOCTOR:Yes, well, look, these things happen, you know? I mean, a casino wouldn't be much fun if everybody won now, would it?
MAN:What do you mean?
DOCTORSIGHS) Look, well, the thing is, I mean, well… we had to do a blood transfusion, blah blah blah, but there was a bit of a hoo-ha, you know, and, well, what we thought was blood turned out to be, well…
MANANXIOUS) What?
DOCTORetrol.
WOMAN:…petrol?
DOCTORetrol.
MAN:You put petrol in instead of blood? (BEAT) How do you even do that?
DOCTOR:Well, I mean, it's not strictly our fault.
MAN:No?!
DOCTOR:No, not at all! The blood came from this company in America… well, they said it was blood. (LAUGHS) (BEAT) I suppose in retrospect we could have tested it ourselves, but come on…
MAN:I don't believe this.
WOMANSOBS)
DOCTOR:Look, calm down, it's not as bad as all that. I've brought you some literature to look through.
MANREADS) "So We Ruined Your Life.", and what's this one… "Medical Malpractice and Me: 101 Reasons Not To Sue".
DOCTOR:They're very informative. There's a list of local garages on the back. And there are some great support sites on the 'net now for people like you.
MANANGRY) Like me? So what, you do this all the time do you?
DOCTOR:I know it's hard, but you're just going to have to come to terms with it. I mean, it could be worse, it's not like I 'pulled a Shipman' or anything. (BEAT) Look, there are worse things than having to go to Kwik-Fit once a month. See the guy at the end of the ward? He'd have been happy with petrol. He ended up with some sort of caramel. Local kids broke into his house after surgery and started dipping apples into his wounds.
MAN:I suppose.
DOCTOR:Just give it a few weeks. Plenty of rest. Oh, and stay away from naked flames.
WOMAN:But…
DOCTOR:And do you know how much petrol costs? A lot cheaper than blood, litre for litre. There is a credit crunch on, you know.
MAN:Yes… yes. Thank you, doctor.
DOCTOR
h, not at all.
