I'm planning on filming this soon. Thought I might get a bit of feedback first.
(John is staggering down the road, he is covered in blood and has lost one of his shoes. Vic comes up to mug him)
Vic
Alright let's have your phone
John
Sorry?
Vic
Your phone, blood, gimmie your phone.
John
I don't have a phone…
Vic
Ok gimmie your wallet and watch.
John
No wallet (hands over his watch)
Vic
What do you mean no wallet?
John
I've just been mugged. I'm on my way to hospital…
Vic
And he missed your watch? Why'd he only take one of your shoes?
John
(Noticing for the first time) I must have lost it when I was hit by the car…I wondered into the road afterwards and this car came from-
Vic
That's a nice shoe, blood. Let have it.
John
I haven't got the other one..
Vic
Well I'll nick it from the shop, won't I. Where'd you get them?
John
Erm…Shoe World on Oxford Street.
Vic
No problem, blood. Security there is rubbish. What else you got?
John
(looks in his pockets) Some chewing gum (Vic gestures to have it), a pen (Vic shakes his head), some Vaseline-
Vic
(worried) What's that for?
John
My lips. I get very chapped lips.
Vic
Hey blood, I get chapped lips too (he gestures to give it. Looking at John)
John
I think I've got some stamps somewhere, I always keep some spare one (noticing Vic is looking) What is it?
Vic
That's a nice shirt, blood…what make is it?
John
I can't remember…
Vic
Let's have a look (Vic checks the label) Blood
John
Yes?
Vic
No, you got blood on the shirt. (taking the shirt) How am I gonna get this out? Hot water?
John
Cold water. Never hot. Gently dab with cold water until the blood is gone.
Vic
I'll have to get the missus to sew this up?
John
What?
Vic
Well the stab wound's ripped the shirt.
John
I've been stabbed?
Vic
Yeah. Anyway, that's me about done. Nice one blood. (pause) You wanna stick up for yourself. Don't let people push you around so much.
John
I'll try