Kid's book

Okay, so my brief sitcom idea got mauled. Fair enough - I rushed it, it was crap. So just to see if I've any hope at all, I'm submitting the beginning of a children's book I started months ago. While not strictly comedy, its supposed to get wackier as it goes on. I'd be grateful for any feedback. Thanks.

Chapter One

I live in the city of Xanthia Piscuali, where the streets are paved with gold, and the houses made of diamond. The King's castle looms over the city, a towering reminder of the splendour under which we all reside, and the citizens live their lives happily. They are utterly proud of themselves, and of the happy reign they have grown up in.
Pretty dull, eh?
My dad has always been more exciting than that. He owns a shop on the ramparts of the city, in which he sells his Beastie Weasties. I remember when he told me he was setting up the shop, and I asked him what a Beastie Weastie was.
"There are two types of creatures you find sniffing around in Xanthia Piscuali," he informed me. "First of all you get Beasties, and then you get Weasties."
Well duh, I thought. This much was obvious.
"But what I've managed to do," he said smugly, "is to breed them."
I jolted in my armchair. "You can do that?"
I had no idea that such a thing was possible. Not only were Beasties and Weasties immensely different creatures, but I didn't think they bred at all. They just... went on.
Dad was beaming at my enthusiasm. He has always loved it when people ask him questions: it gives him a chance to speak. "Why of course," he exclaimed, "as long as you're willing to try things outside the ordinary."
"Surely," I sighed, "You don't mean magic?"
Dad grimaced, and a look of disappointment spread across his face. I saw he had expected more from me.
"I've told you before, boy, I have no interest in magic. I am concerned with things far greater and more powerful than that. Don't you see? What fascinates me is to do what no man has done before, to make the impossible, possible. I want all sorts of delightful things. To be invisible, and fly, and raise monsters from the ground. Wonders, my boy, real wonders! And these things shall be accomplished without a single spell or incantation. What interests me is not of magic, but science!"

A children's book! You're kidding right?

Chapter Two - Dad explains dogging.

That did make me laugh

But these creatures don't breed remember, so is safe to say dad's methods were asexual. The whole science thing just means he uses cloning type stuff.

Or so he claims...

Quote: gotmilk @ January 25 2009, 12:15 AM GMT

Dad was beaming at my enthusiasm. He has always loved it when people ask him questions: it gives him a chance to speak. "Why of course," he exclaimed, "as long as you're willing to try things outside the ordinary."

View original

You are certainly willing to try things outside the ordinary! It is very intelligent and refreshing. It makes a change from some of the attempts at 'comedy' I've seen so far on this site. I enjoyed it very much. Well done!!

This is a story to be read by an adult to a child, which means the child will inevitably ask questions. Keep the words and dialogue simple, whilst retaining the fascination for the listener.
Alternatively, if you perceive it as suitable for reading by [older] children, you're looking at emulating J K Rowling, Terry Pratchett et al. That means your work must be to a very high standard.

An interesting start with lots of scope - keep going and good luck.

G

Piscuali? As in Joe? :-)

No, as in Xanthia you prick.

Do they have showers in their houses?

Y'wha?

Do they have showers in their houses?

Y'wha?

Joe Xanthia has a shower in his house. Excellent. Well done. Extremely funny. Many thanks.