On Suicide, Breakdowns and Depression

For the second time in my life have taken the coward's way out and disappeared from life/work on Friday with the intention of killing myself.
So far unsuccessful.
Don't go for the asphixiation by plastic bag over head - it's restrictive when you are claustrophobic.
Am holed up in a B and B in a coastal town. It's rare to stay in a homage to the Somme.
The en-suite TV doesn't even pick up C4, which has been ironic for me.
Still, am relaxing with wine, pills and the jazz music that still can be heard on BBC 2's overnight Ceefax pages.
Met two lovely police officers this morning, concerned for my welfare.
Washed my hair in the sink as tribute.

Am shit at having depressive crises, sorry.

Best,

Tim x x x x x x

Please, PLEASE call someone and ask for help. You'll be glad you did and so will anyone who knows you - even a stranger from the Internet.

There comes a point when you are fed up of yourself, despite everything which should make you happy. As I say I wouldn't worry too much I am shit at suicide, too arrogant to really go through with it.
Would like to though.
In this country people, including your employers, are good enough to call the police as soon as you don't show up for work.
I don't know if the cops text message you then phone you in the US?
Not particularly easy to do away with yourself in the UK anymore.

Your employer called the police because they care about you and are worried. Somewhere out there is a pill or a therapist or a girl or a puppy that will help you feel like yourself again. Don't stop looking until you find it/her.

The cops here will do something they call a "health and welfare" check. They'll basically bang on a door until someone answers and possibly kick the door down if given permission by a family member or friend. I had to call the cops in California last year when my daughter didn't show up for work 2 days ago. She was working for my current employer, so they called me out of concern. It was the worst hour of my life until someone was able to rouse her. She was very ill and ended up in the hospital for a week.

"Health and welfare check" was the same term the Army used to describe/justify their incursion into soldiers' rooms in the barracks. They were usually just looking for drugs or other contraband.

Sorry, don't mean to be flippant and sarcastic, but (to paraphrase Bill Hicks) I am so that's the way it comes out.
Not having killed myself this weekend has posed more problems than it solves.
Simply financially it would be easier for me to kill myself before Monday. And socially - I have a blind date at a wedding on Tuesday.

Also, it's hard to top yourself whilst you're waiting to hear on you're sitcom pilot's commissioning status.

One's financial situation should NEVER justify thoughts of suicide. Debtors' prisons no longer exist and and nobody goes hungry or naked because they are broke. And if you have a date scheduled for this week you're doing much better than I am in the dating game.

Sorry again. Irony and pathos, we British get off on it. I know there's nothing funny about suicide, but my inability to go through with it in some way amuses me. For example the way I can't drive off a cliff or jump off a bridge because I hate heights

One of my favourite Alexei Sayle lines is... "In the end I made what they call a 'half-hearted' suicide attempt... Tried to slash my wrists with a tomato".

Suicide is something that it's good to be a failure at.

Unless of course you're a suicide bomber. The shit you would get at the office would be unbearable.

Why bring Ricky Gervais into this?

Shit has Ricky made that type of joke already? Of was it just mentioning an Office?

When they're being recruited do any suicide bombers ever ask about a career structure, healthcare, a dental plan? (at least a dental identification plan).

Quote: Tim Walker @ March 1 2009, 5:37 AM GMT

Shit has Ricky made that type of joke already? Of was it just mentioning an Office?

When they're being recruited do any suicide bombers ever ask about a career structure, healthcare, a dental plan?

View original

Just the office mention.

From today's newspaper:

Jihadi Suicide Bomber Wanted

Excellent 401-k(aboom) offered
72 virgins offered after 90-day probationary period
Company is experiencing explosive growth
(TNT-packed) company vehicle provided

Please submit IED CV ASAP

Shouldn't be really mentioning this line as it's in the script somewhere, but why wish for 72 virgins? In my experience one is enough f**king hard work. (Boom-boom)

F**king hard work is better than hard work any day of the week.

Time to hit the hay. I wish you continued failure in your attempts at self harm and great success on your blind date.

Quote: Tim Walker @ March 1 2009, 4:43 AM GMT

Sorry, don't mean to be flippant and sarcastic, but (to paraphrase Bill Hicks) I am so that's the way it comes out.
Not having killed myself this weekend has posed more problems than it solves.
Simply financially it would be easier for me to kill myself before Monday. And socially - I have a blind date at a wedding on Tuesday.

Also, it's hard to top yourself whilst you're waiting to hear on you're sitcom pilot's commissioning status.

View original

Concentrate on the things that make you want to stay. That last bit has loads of hope in it.
I don't know what to say about the finances. I'm horribly in debt myself.
If you don't want to go on the blind date-don't go. Or stop calling it a "date." You're just meeting a human who will have all kinds of weaknesses, even if not visible to the naked eye. Expect nothing definite and see what happens.
Maybe you don't want to kill yourself, maybe you just feel desperate to escape. Do you feel like there would be a lot of backlash if you did what you wanted to do in your day to day life?