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Calling All Marge Proops

Forgive the long post but I'm in a bit of a dilemma.

My wife wants to move back to the town where she's from because she misses her Mum and family. Basically I lived with her in the town 10 years ago, then we bought a house up in the North East where I'm from (tiny town) because I was missing my 8 year old son from a previous marriage, plus the house prices were so much cheaper up here. (We bought a 4 bedroomed detached house helped with the proceeds of the sale of her 2 bedroomed gaff in the town.

Anyway, that 8 year old son is now a strapping 18 year old with a car and a life and a girlfriend, and I rarely get to see him nowadays. (For instance a few days ago he popped round for the night and that was the first I'd seen of him since Christmas Day.) My wife says that if we move away, he can come and stay with us for long weekends so we'd probably actually spend more quality time together.

Other good things about moving - we'd actually have much more of a social life. We never go out together here because we just don't have babysitters for our 7 year old son. In the town there's Angie's family to look after him, so at least we'd get a break every now and then. Also, the town's near the Cotswolds which are lovely, and we're near a stinky Northern working class place. Which isn't.

Other complications - my Mum's in the mid-stages of Alzheimers and rapidly deteriorating. But I'd be home to visit every few weeks. Thing is, I sort of agreed that it'd be a good idea in principle, but my wife has now launched into moving mode already. She's scrubbed the house from top to bottom because we've got an estate agent coming over tomorrow to value the house on a rental basis. (I want to rent this property out, not sell, so we'll have two houses in case things don't work out). She's also told all her family we're moving. She's absolutely buzzing. I've truly never seen her this happy in ages.

Thing is - it's all happening so quick. A week ago I was quite settled where I am - and now we're moving 250 miles away! Everytime I think about it I feel a bit sad. I don't know why - I suppose I've just got used to calling this place home. I've just been out walking my dog down the leafy lane behind my house
and I'll miss that too.

What do you think? Am I being stupid? Should I just go with the flow and make a new start or tell her to put the brakes on a bit? The other good thing about moving is that I'd be a lot closer to London for meetings etc, plus the card company I freelance for is actually based in the town so my realtionship with them would be stronger. And a stinky Northern working class place stinks of shit.

Advice please!

Tell her how you feel and stuff. But it sounds like you do want to move, it just scares you a bit.
It might seem like it's moving fast, but it's quite likely you won't actually find a house, etc for ages yet so you'll have plenty of time to get used to it.

Sounds like the wife has already made the decision for you. It also sounds like you're resentful. You'd better have a serious discussion before it gets any further if you feel that strongly about it.

Personally, I'd want to stay near my mother if she were ill.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/ ;)

Was it you... whose wife wasn't working but wanted to spend all your money on stuff?

Or did I totally imagine that entire incident... :S

Like Zoo says Reading that it sounds like you do want to move. Maybe you just need more time to get used to the idea.

I think your idea about renting is a good un. It might well take you ages to sell anyway.

Quote: zooo @ February 26 2009, 6:37 PM GMT

Was it you... whose wife wasn't working but wanted to spend all your money on stuff?

I know someone who might have said that. ;)

Quote: zooo @ February 26 2009, 6:37 PM GMT

Was it you... whose wife wasn't working but wanted to spend all your money on stuff?

Tuumble.

Anyway. Lee. Sounds to me that you're going to be really unhappy and resentful if you move, and that these 'positives' you list are real straw clutchers, trying to convince yourself that you'll be fine.

You need to sit your Mrs down and talk to her calmly. As hard as it may be to get through to her, try to explain that you're not totally opposed to the idea in principle, but that you're not sure in practice, and that things are going far too fast either way. I guarantee you, if only for your mother's sake, you'll regret it if you don't put the brakes on this thing - at least drop a few gears.

Get her to read this thread.

If it at all influences you, Lee - we can hang out!!*

Can I also be a nosey mother-f**ker and ask where abouts you lived in the town?

*We don't have to or anything, it was just a suggestion.

You could take your mum with you, maybe?

I'm also surprised to learn that the town isn't in the north.

It's towards Birmingham!

So it's nearly north.

Quote: Leevil @ February 26 2009, 6:26 PM GMT

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/ ;)

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2275504.ece

Quote: zooo @ February 26 2009, 9:38 PM GMT

It's towards Birmingham!

I'm near-ish Birmingham!

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