But you need children to make an investment in you; to get them aboard. A child would put this book down after 15 seconds - and never return.
My Novel. Page 3
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Quote: gotmilk @ February 23 2009, 9:37 PM GMTYou underestimate the children of today, Rob. I intend to disconcert them, to catch them off guard, and in doing so shall bring about a feeling of confusion, of constant disorientation. In this way they see the darkness of this land, the horrors that lay before them. They also learn about the mightily taloned narrator; how he digresses and loses himself in his own wandering tangents. But most importantly of all, they learn to appreciate the beauty of language, and of a world so different from their own. Xanthia Piscuali, my friend, Ruyoog of the Angrid Barld.
Perhaps if you made it about an elephant with a balloon?
Seriously though, I like the idea you have about what it will teach children, but I don't think it will work. They'll probably just read the first sentence, say "This doesn't make sense", and then go and run around for a bit. I don't think they have the capacity to pick up on such abstract elements.
Prologue
Lo and behold cats and dogs, we sit on chairs of silver and brass, yet were we to stand for a moment and sing, we would be better and should cry "Oh ho ho!"
So goes the poem of the elder Elephant with a Balloon who lived in a tree, and one day died. Such tragedies make one wish to turn back time, and change our actions past, like wheels of water. These wheels are ironic in a way (or one or two). Or three. Lo! Irony is here like trees in a wood or feathers on my talons – for I am a Stuffed Animal – question me not. Irony. For Elephant with a Balloon was himself a wheel of water, and yet he could not turn back time, as he lived in a tree. Lo! Animals are wheels! Time was on the floor, as dust on a rooftop, lying as still as a corpse of a sheep. Alas, to reach a floor from a tree when you are a wheel... What a dream.
Our dreams our meaningless and yet they have meaning. For we are now in The Park, where all is strange.
Last night I (who, need I remind you, is a Stuffed Toy) dreamt of Elephant with a Balloon... And yet we are all illusory, constructions, digressing like Elephant with a Balloon, upon his throne of bronze. Or silver. Who knows? Not me, I am dreaming. The circle is closed - a new beginning. We emerge from the slime like water from the wheel. O ho, O ho. The Park, a world of gnomes. Reincarnated under the guidance of The Park Keeper...
It's either a work of genius or a self-indulgent, incomprehensible and witless "spoof".
(BTW, it's not a work of genius)
Quote: gotmilk @ February 23 2009, 9:37 PM GMTBut most importantly of all, they learn to appreciate the beauty of language
Not yet.
Well Badge you're either stupid or you're.... stupid!!!!
With a joke like that then I am a f**king genius.
Not yet.
Quote: gotmilk @ February 22 2009, 5:45 PM GMTI really hate Morrace. I prefer friendly, understandable people who I can relate to. Is Thordox still around?
I am still around of course - I have dropped the third person as it seems to elicit some disagreement from forum members, and never let it be said that Simon Thordox is not a crowd pleaser.
The implication that Thordox is anyone else other than myself, Simon Thordox, is something I find both insulting and very insulting. I, Simon Throdox, am Simon Thordox.
As for the novel, I think you might be on to something, possibly the next J. K. Rowling, as -
a) The youth of Britain appear to be insane
b) Your novel is insane
c) They might understand it, as they are insane
However, I have an inclination it might be a spoof (I don't know why, but I just do), and as such it might be the next On The Hour as -
a) People's tastes are insane
b) For someone to enjoy it as a satire, one would have to be insane
I, Simon Thordox, have and/has spoken.
As for the alien chap, Morace, Horace, or something, I can really understand why people have got annoyed with your behaviour. What you must learn, Morace or Horace, is that people dislike, nay, distrust negativity. I plied myself with gin in a rare moment of weakness, wrote a few uncouth comments, apologised, and now find myself one of the most popular comedian/comedy performers/comedy all-rounders here on the forums...think wisely, behave yourself, and act in a more appropriate manner and you too may find yourself in my elevated position.
Thank you all.
Now all we need is woody! Who's got wood?
Quote: gotmilk @ February 23 2009, 9:37 PM GMTYou underestimate the children of today. I intend to disconcert them, to catch them off guard, and in doing so shall bring about a feeling of confusion, of constant disorientation.
And they say children grow up too soon, eh?
I think you rather overestimate kids in this instant age. And me too. It seemed overly wordy and even I (as some kind of poorly-developed adult) didn't really get what you were driving at. If you look at kids' books then most seem to simplify and engage, rather than complicate and traumatise.
I disagree. Young minds are more attuned than those tha t society label as 'adults'. Through my stories they can take in messages, and discover fact about the world around them.
I am able to get across complex ideologys in a way that children can understand. In this paragraph I reveal the importance of voting.
"Lo! A casual beastie, climbing up a tree, what is its name, it cannot find me! I speak in rhyme, yet I am a bird, fluttering as conversation is overheard. For though we live in a land of Fire, the trees speak softly king/sire."
So goes The Bible of Buddlesby in Xanthia Piscuali, make of it what you must. And I do mean must; our decisions are imperative to this world. Just as the murdering mouse may slay a dragon, we must play (it rhymes with slay my brethren) our part for the elven (or human -think!) community! And what a community it is...... Oh Xanthia Piscuali of the Spankdon Baan! A disguised metaphor crowned, make of it what you will! Lo!
As you can see, I am able, like the BBC in its prime, to educade AND entertain.
Quote: gotmilk @ February 25 2009, 9:52 PM GMTI am able to get across complex ideologys in a way that children can understand. In this paragraph I reveal the importance of voting.
"Lo! A casual beastie, climbing up a tree, what is its name, it cannot find me! I speak in rhyme, yet I am a bird, fluttering as conversation is overheard. For though we live in a land of Fire, the trees speak softly king/sire."
I'm willing to be a child when it comes to learning. 
So teach me, please. Where do you tuck in the complex ideology (re: voting attitude) in that excerpt?
It is not the excerpt which passes along the knowledge, but the narrators following speech
'...make of it what you must. And I do mean must; our decisions are imperative to this world. Just as the murdering mouse may slay a dragon, we must play (it rhymes with slay my brethren) our part for the elven (or human -think!) community!'
Here you see the roots of a complex and intelligent morality which THE CHILDREN MUST LEARN.
Yes but you didn't answer my question. I'm at a loss to see how the narrator's section is a clear metaphor for voting that children will easily grasp and understand. Can you explain it to me, as if to an idiot, kind sire? 
I'm guessing it has something to do with decisions but how is that linked to voting (apart from putting a mark on the voting slip) because there are so many decisions a person makes in life, each and every day, that a reader might relate the word 'decisions' to. So how is this section made specific to voting?
Children tend to like things with the words fart/sick/boogey and bottom in. They like monsters and magic and animals who can talk. They like naughty children. When writing for children I really wouldn't bother with anything else.