Two rather quick sketches (quicker to watch than read anyway!), in an ideal world the first one would be one of the first (if not the first) sketch in a show and the second would be the last (with the credits rolling during the long pause) then again, in an ideal world I'd be King of Finland...
Apologies in advance if they're not in the proper format, or rubbish. It's rather worrying how my enthusiasm for these sketches evaporated as I typed them up.
BINGO ONE:
INT. A BINGO HALL. DAY.
Fairly close-up shot of the BINGO CALLER in his booth about to start a new game. There is a screen in the background but this doesn't have any numbers on yet. He begins his well-rehearsed speil in an attempt to big up the excitement.
BINGO CALLER: Hello ladles and germs and welcome to the first game of the evening session. Are we ready to rock and roll? Bursting at the seams for a bingo bonanza? Want some of that wonderful wonga? Craving that crisp cash? Let's hope my balls are lucky for you tonight, we've got mountains of marvellous money and piles of prizes to give away. Lucky mascots, trinkets and charms at the ready. Here we go, eyes down for a full house!
The bingo machine starts up and the BINGO CALLER reads out the first number.
BINGO CALLER: All the ones, legs eleven.
PLAYER: (off screen) House!
The BINGO CALLER, next ball in his hand, is stopped dead in his tracks. The camera follows him as he walks down from his booth over to the PLAYER and examines their card.
Cut to close up of bingo card. Sure enough it only has the number eleven on it. Cut back to the shot of the BINGO CALLER with the card in his hand, he checks the back of it to see if there's any numbers on there then hands it back to the PLAYER.
BINGO CALLER: (Still semi-shocked) Er, congratulations.
BINGO TWO:
INT. A BINGO HALL. DAY.
The same shot of the BINGO CALLER at his booth as before. This time however he is halfway through a game so the screen in the background already has numbers on. The BINGO CALLER is picking up the balls as he gets them from the bingo machine and calling out the numbers into the microphone.
BINGO CALLER: Unlucky for some, thirteen.
(BEAT) Number five, man alive.
(BEAT) Two little ducks, twenty-two.
(BEAT) Life's begun, forty-one.
(BEAT) Doctor's orders, number nine.
He carries on calling out numbers for another 30 seconds or so with no response from the, as yet unseen, crowd. The BINGO CALLER sighs into his microphone steps down from the booth and walks into the seating area. The camera follows him and reveals that there's only one PLAYER in the hall (a different PLAYER from the first sketch). The BINGO CALLER goes over to them, writes down the numbers the PLAYER has on their card and returns to his booth. The camera follows him back to the original shot. Once back he then reads out the numbers he's written down and looks expectantly at the PLAYER.
(LONG BEAT)
Cut to PLAYER looking repeatedly at their card and the screen showing the numbers.
(LONG BEAT)
Quick cut to the BINGO CALLER looking surprised at the PLAYER's apparent stupidity. Cut back to the PLAYER staring at their card.
(LONG BEAT)
Another cut back to the BINGO CALLER getting increasingly frustrated. Cut back again to the PLAYER staring at the number screen.
(LONG BEAT)
PLAYER: (Hesitantly, as if unsure) House?
Cut back to the BINGO CALLER who, in his relief, lets his head drop onto the booth and raises an arm half-heartedly.
Well, there we are, I've popped my submissions cherry. All comments gratefully received, along with any money you may have.
