Isaac Newton and friend are sat having a picnic under a tree. Issac is scribbling in a book.
F: It's a wonderful day for a picnic isn't it Sir Isaac?
IN : It is indeed. You know my friend, my notes here tell me that I'm on the verge of greatness.
F: That's lovely Isaac – how was your celery?
IN : Wilted. No I feel that my greatest mathematical discovery is just round the corner.
F: Splendid old bean. Do you fancy a nibble on an apple?
IN : Why not! Let's push the boat out.
F: There you go.
IN: Thank you kindly. Ah what splendid specimen. Apples! Such wondrous things. Their rosy red skin, their juicy flesh and that magical crunch. If apples aren't the greatest fruit in the world then my name's not Newton.
FX – Man biting apple.
F: The wonders of nature.
FX – Splating noise.
F: It appears that starling in the tree has just crapped on your apple old bean.
IN: That's it!
F: That's what.
IN: My discovery! It's so obvious now you think about it.
F: Bird crap on an apple? Can't see it catching on I'm afraid Isaac.
IN: No it's a wonderful thing.
F: Give it here then. I'll try anything once.
FX – Man biting apple.
IN : What the hell are you doing? That apple's got bird crap on it!
F: You said this was your wonderful discovery?
IN: No I didn't mean eat it. I meant that the bird crap fell straight down.
F: What?
IN: The crap. It fell out of the bird's arse, straight down and landed on my apple. My apple that you've now eaten.
F: Why is this so great?
IN: it fell down, not up or across. There is clearly a force pulling everything downwards. <PAUSE> I shall call this force "excrementy."
F: Excrementy? That's a crap name for a mathematical discovery.
IN: Is it?
F: Course is it. First you give me apples coated in bird shit and then name your awe inspiring discovery excrementy. God, being friends with you is enough to put a man in his grave.
IN: Fine, I'll call it grave-ity then.
ENDS
