Cure for Gullibility

Given the quality of some of the stuff going up here recently I am hesitant to post this, but here goes...

A MAN ENTERS A HOLISTIC THERAPISTS

PRACTITIONER: Good afternoon Sir, and welcome to Arkwright and Tennyson, holistic practitioners, all treatments guaranteed free from scientific proof. How may we help you?

CUSTOMER: Good afternoon. I'm looking for a cure for gullibility.

PRACTITIONER: Sorry Sir?

CUSTOMER: I seem to be prey to all manner of con men and flim-flam artists, particularly in the medical field.

PRACTITIONER: I see Sir. Well, you've come to the right place.

CUSTOMER: Oddly, I find that quite comforting. <BEAT> I was wondering if you might be able to provide me with some active agent in miniscule quantities in a solution of water which might effect a cure?

PRACTITIONER: Erm, well…

CUSTOMER: No? Then perhaps you might advise me on where in my house to place a pot-plant or a pile of stones, or perhaps some of those coins with holes in to ensure the dragon of gullibility does not eat up the chi of common sense.

PRACTITIONER: (CLEARLY NOT UNDERSTANDING) Dragon of gullibility Sir?

CUSTOMER: Possibly. I am not an expert in these matters. Mayhap then you have some naturally occurring geological specimen which, appended to my person, or perhaps my washing machine, will deflect the con-beams emanating from the eyes of the shyster?

PRACTITIONER: Naturally occurring what, Sir?

CUSTOMER: Crystals my man, crystals. Or would you rather make adjustments to my aura, without physical contact, and perhaps even from a different country, to render me immune to the blandishments of these charlatans?

PRACTITIONER: Well Sir, we don't really practice Reiki here, or any of that other nonsense.

CUSTOMER: Nonsense? But you are holistic therapists surely?

PRACTITIONER: Yes, Sir, but we work mostly through the medium of mime.

CUSTOMER: Mime?

PRACTITIONER: Yes Sir and it sounds to me like what you'll be needing is a simple glass box to block out the weasel words of the tempters.

CUSTOMER: Well, that certainly sounds scientific.

PRACTITIONER: Absolutely, Sir. I think Dr Marceau can see you now. Would you care to walk this way?

THEY BOTH WALK OFF AS IF INTO A STRONG WIND.

I liked it a lot. Although I thought the customer came across aggressively (there's a better word but I'm blank atm) instead of plain gullible.

I liked the premise a lot. Good work.

I thought this was a good one Ponderer.

It seemed to have the echo of Monty Pie-thon with Gerald Wylie-esque overtones.

The pattern and contenet of the customer's speech reminded me of something else (Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers or Cleese in the Cheese shop Python sketch perhaps) but that's not to knock the sketch.

Nice one.

Quote: Leevil @ February 12 2009, 6:26 PM GMT

I liked it a lot. Although I thought the customer came across aggressively (there's a better word but I'm blank atm) instead of plain gullible.

I liked the premise a lot. Good work.

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Thanks Leevil. I was going for slightly pompous (sort of David Mitchellish), someone who has a blind spot and is annoyed by it. Don't know how well it worked.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ February 12 2009, 6:33 PM GMT

I thought this was a good one Ponderer.

It seemed to have the echo of Monty Pie-thon with Gerald Wylie-esque overtones.

The pattern and contenet of the customer's speech reminded me of something else (Bernard Cribbins in Fawlty Towers or Cleese in the Cheese shop Python sketch perhaps) but that's not to knock the sketch.

Nice one.

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Thanks Blenks. I can see the Python thing from some of their sketches. Can't place Gerald Wylie, could you give a clue?

.

Quote: Ponderer @ February 12 2009, 6:06 PM GMT

Have I stumbled onto a therapy website?

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Looks like it.
.

Cross-thread satire, highly advanced forum usage Morrace.

Gerald Wylie was Ronnie Barker's pen name.

(Actually Wiley.)

Oh, I really liked this (I used to work in an NHS homoeopathic department). I just thought perhaps you could lose one of the customer's examples, which would give the sketch a more classical structure.

Pond, I think that this is a brilliant and funny idea and all the works done, but it needs re-programming. The olde worlde speech rhythms of the customer kill a lot of the humour in my view. Plus the joke is announced in the first line, so you need to pare it right down to the very minimum of dialogue. It's brass at the moment , but could easily be gold. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

I agree with Graham and Godot; temper the archaic language a bit, as it might get in the way of understanding some of the cures he's been offered.

I'd also suggest you have the Practitioner give an impassioned speech about the stupidity of those cures before he suggests the mime method.

You also need to make it obvious that it's a giant glass box the Practitioner is talking about. Perhaps have him mime being trapped in it, before suggesting they find one in the Man's size.

And maybe the box could deflect actual invisible weasels of gullibility. Cos those bastards are a menace.

The "walk this way" is a great payoff.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ February 13 2009, 11:01 AM GMT

Gerald Wylie was Ronnie Barker's pen name.

(Actually Wiley.)

Oh, I really liked this (I used to work in an NHS homoeopathic department). I just thought perhaps you could lose one of the customer's examples, which would give the sketch a more classical structure.

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Thanks Graham, and sorry for the mis-spelling.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ February 13 2009, 11:37 AM GMT

Pond, I think that this is a brilliant and funny idea and all the works done, but it needs re-programming. The olde worlde speech rhythms of the customer kill a lot of the humour in my view. Plus the joke is announced in the first line, so you need to pare it right down to the very minimum of dialogue. It's brass at the moment , but could easily be gold. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

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Thanks Godot, I'll have a go at changing the rhtthms a bit and re-post later.

Quote: James Harris @ February 13 2009, 12:19 PM GMT

I agree with Graham and Godot; temper the archaic language a bit, as it might get in the way of understanding some of the cures he's been offered.

I'd also suggest you have the Practitioner give an impassioned speech about the stupidity of those cures before he suggests the mime method.

You also need to make it obvious that it's a giant glass box the Practitioner is talking about. Perhaps have him mime being trapped in it, before suggesting they find one in the Man's size.

And maybe the box could deflect actual invisible weasels of gullibility. Cos those bastards are a menace.

The "walk this way" is a great payoff.

View original

Thanks James, as I said above, I'll try to re-phrase and pare down. I think I probably got carried away with the voice I was experimenting with rather than the idea.

Quote: Ponderer @ February 13 2009, 10:53 AM GMT

Cross-thread satire, highly advanced forum usage Morrace.

View original