Lost: Your Marbles

INT. AMAZON JUNGLE - LUNCH TIME

Mike hacks his way through the canopies, until he reaches a small clearing.

He records his progress and thoughts into a diary.

We can hear his thoughts.

MIKE [V.O]:
Deary Diary. Hello. I now appear to be deep into the depths of the Amazon. My compass stopped working, actually I don't think it's very useful at all.

Mike holds up a Technical Compass and throws it behind his shoulder.

MIKE [V.O]:
It's been 6 days now... since I found out... I've been going in the wrong direction... in the wrong jungle. But never mind, it's been an adventure. Vomiting and diarrhea aside. And the witches curse. And the rescue helicopter's crash but apart from all that, it's been lovely.

A noise rustles behind Mike.

MIKE [V.O]:
Arghh!!

MIKE:
I mean, arghhh!

GEORGE:
Mike?

Mike spins 'round.

MIKE:
George, is that really you?

GEORGE:
Yeah, where you been Mike?

MIKE:
I have many tales to tell. But please, get me out of this hell hole.

GEORGE:
Don't let the gaffer hear you say that.

Mike steps out of the garden department of a B&Q.

MIKE:
God, these shops are pop up everywhere.

End.

The canapes bit rather confused me, I thought you were going for a buffet motif

I'm afraid it was a bit weak for me. Did Big Train do something similar with a tribe living in a garden centre?

Lol, thanks, I didn't notice that. >_<

Big Train did it? Can't remember, but it sounds good.

Thanks anyway.

I think similar things have been done before in different ways.
But it doesn't mean they can't be done again, and they will be done again.
It's a great set up with a funny reveal but I did get the feeling I'd seen it before.

Yeah, I knew being lost in the gardening department wasn't an original idea. Maybe I should redo the ending? Or maybe I should concentrate on the middle bits?

What I do know is I have a nice character here, which I'm liking at the minute and with this sketch and the other one (Space: Between Your Ears) I think they will make nice animated shorts.

Thanks for the FB Fred.

Quote: Leevil @ February 12 2009, 6:53 PM GMT

Yeah, I knew being lost in the gardening department wasn't an original idea. Maybe I should redo the ending? Or maybe I should concentrate on the middle bits?

What I do know is I have a nice character here, which I'm liking at the minute and with this sketch and the other one (Space: Between Your Ears) I think they will make nice animated shorts.

Thanks for the FB Fred.

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As Fred said, because it's been done(ish)doesn't mean you can't do it again. It needs something fresh but I can't say what. Sorry, I know that's not helpful.

I'd missed the space one, but having now read it I can see where you're going and I think the issues with this sketch are less problematic as part of a series than as a stand alone.

And yeah, the theme/characters work.

Thanks P. That's good to hear (reading aloud).

I'm not to sure about this one. Predictable, yes but that's because I've seen similar in the Russ Abbott/Little & Large/Bobby Davro days. Worth another go, though.

If it has been done before then you have to at least rescue the compass line, very funny!

Quote: Chopz @ February 13 2009, 10:37 AM GMT

If it has been done before then you have to at least rescue the compass line, very funny!

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I missed that. I thought a technical compass was what the kidz use to orienteer or something.

Definitely worth rescuing. I'd have thought there'd be a potential pay off about going round in circles too. Or is that too obvious?

I agree with your judgement on the character leevil, he's very likeable. With both the space and lost sketches my favourite bits have been his little comments, opposed to final punch line (eg in spaced the captins log comment, and in this the 'I mean, argh!' both made me chuckle). With such a likeable character and your talent, I don't doubt you can make it work.

Thanks Rebecca and Pond(erer).