A moody 15 year old girl, with long hair all over her face which has heavy make up applied is stood in school uniform in the Kitchen. A early middle aged, slightly balding, rotund – yet quite dashing man sits at laptop at kitchen table.
Girl : This bloody house is disgusting. Why is it never clean?
Man looks round at two plates on kitchen side and a handful of toast crumbs on the side.
Man : Hello Princess. Have a good day at school?
Girl : WHAT?
Man : School? Did you have a good day?
Girl : Stupid question it was School. Now I've got to clean this filthy house. It's embarrassing bringing friends here.
Man looks round at Kitchen, which to be fair is not really dirty apart from the crumbs – as is the rest of the house.
Man : Well clean it then if you must. Do you good to actually do something.
Girl : I have to go to school. I've had coursework to do this week! All you do is write to your funny friends on that stupid forum. Your bloody sketches aren't funny anyway!
Man : Thank you princess.
Girl : Look at this!
Girl goes round kitchen switching all the power points.
Girl : What have I told you.
Man : OCD girl!
Girl : I don't have OCD. Idiot! ( Rearranges bottles of soft drink on side so they're in straight line)
Man : Okay.
Girl : God!
Man: What now.
Girl : I've got to clean this floor it's disgusting.
The man looks down at white tiled floor its spotless apart from one small cocker spaniel footprint and two small bits of dried dog food.
Girl : Why do I have to live here? It's awful. I hate it. It's disgusting. How can you live like this Dad?
Man : Three more years and then your suitcases will be by the door.
Girl : I can't wait.
Girl stomps up stairs like a heard of African Elephants.
Girl : These bloody stairs are filthy.
Girl slams her bedroom door. More sounds of heavy footsteps. Door opens. Sound of lots of crockery clicking together. Sound of further heard of African Elephants coming down stairs.
Girl appears with a pile of plates, glasses and mugs that have piles of rotting leftover food on them, the mugs seem to be growing their own penicillin.
Man gives her a funny look.
Girl : And? Idiot!
Ends.
Not so much a sketch as an actual transcript of a conversation that took place in my house not half an hour ago.
