British Comedy Guide

SPACE: Between your ears!

EXT. MILKY WAY - 14.00 HRS

Mike (30), dressed in what can only be described as a Space Suit ('cos that's what it is), floats gently along the magnetic current of the nearest orbiting object.

He's non perplexed by his current situation. Instead of panicking, he chooses instead, to just ride it out.

He records his thoughts on a Commutative Dialogue Autotaminamic Processing Machine (Dictaphone).

MIKE:
This is Captain's log, I lost mine, so I'm using the Captain's. It's OK, he won't mind - he's dead.

I'm not sure what happened, because at the time of explosion, I was on the toilet. I only noticed something wasn't right, when the toilet wouldn't flush.

It's OK, I manged to get it working, but in retrospect I don't think that matters.

I appear to be floating, my location is unidentified, the ship appears to have been evaporated.

A magazine floats by.

MIKE:
Hang on! We are in with a bit o luck.

He manages to grab the magazine and flicks through it.

MIKE:
It's worse than I thought. It's a Heat magazine.

He reads.

MIKE:
Hang on. Something interesting here. Angelina Jolie has adopted another baby, that takes the count up to 14.5 Billion babies now. Dear God. When will she stop? When can we return to earth, when will she dump Brad Pitt for me?

He lets go of the magazine, which floats off

MIKE:
Might as well...

He lets out the biggest fart.

MIKE:
I didn't think this through... Noooo...

He struggles around in the suit, hoping to avoid the smell.

He stops struggling and relaxes. And then ponders his current situation.

MIKE:
Oh, lord! What am I going to do? I'm DOOMED! DOOMED!

A loud knocking on glass can be heard, whilst we forget sound doesn't travel in Space Whistling nnocently

Mike squirms about in his suit, trying to look around.

MIKE:
What was that?!

He manages to spin around, only to be greeted by the ship and a fellow employee, staring back at him.

MIKE:
Is that really you George?

George adjusts the volumes on his communications thing.

GEORGE:
Mike? What are you doing out there?

MIKE:
I flushed the toilet, and you all disappeared.

GEORGE:
I've been watching you for about 2 mins, if you would've turned around, you would've seen me.

MIKE:
Oh...

GEORGE:
Did you pull the eject handle... again?

MIKE:
Why the hell is it next to the flush handle?!

GEORGE:
That's not a toilet.

End.

Superb, some great jokes throughout. I'd be tempted not to use jokes in direction though. I have seen writers doing it but I've always been told to avoid it.

This sketch is why you should post more often. Class.

Haha! Liked it! Good work man!

:D Like it.

Cheers dudes.

Quote: SlagA @ February 10 2009, 6:59 PM GMT

I'd be tempted not to use jokes in direction though. I have seen writers doing it but I've always been told to avoid it.

I understand. I just wanted to write something fun to read for now. Cheers. :)

Quote: Leevil @ February 10 2009, 8:11 PM GMT

I just wanted to write something fun to read for now.

Well, it succeded. ;)

:D Did like that.

Thanks Rob0.

I'm unsure about the Angelina Jolie bit. Anyone else agree? I'll try and think of something better and see what works.

Yeah, I wasn't keen on that bit myself.

MIKE:
This is Captain's log, I lost mine, so I'm using the Captain's. It's OK, he won't mind - he's dead.

Ha!

:)

yer good!!!

Quote: Matthew Stott @ February 11 2009, 9:56 AM GMT

MIKE:
This is Captain's log, I lost mine, so I'm using the Captain's. It's OK, he won't mind - he's dead.

Ha!

I meet Mathews 'Ha' and raise you a "Haha".

Classic line.

ha ha good, I liked it. I didn't understand why there would be the sound of knocking on glass though.

Perhaps instead it could be a communication device built into his suit, and he could think his mind was unravelling and he was hearing voices, until the voice tells him to turn round. Then you could have him greeted by a group of officers standing staring at him from an observation deck. Embarrassment and idiocy maximized! Hooray!

EDIT: I've just re-read it and realised George is looking at him through a window and that's why there is a knocking on glass sound.I thought he was floating along outside as well. Sorry.

Some very good lines, thought the opening was very Frank Drebin-esque until the Angelina Jolie bit. So I'd take it out.

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