School Countdown.

Ed Balls and Gordon Brown are having a meeting.

Gordon : What the hell is happening Ed? Why are all the bloody schools shut?

Ed: Health and Safety Gordon.

Gordon : Health and Safety?

Ed : Snow and ice. Very dangerous. What would happen if one of the little darlings fell and twisted something?

Gordon : Shame my Darling couldn't fall and twist his neck! Listen I went to school in my day. It was a damn sight worse then I can tell you.

Ed: Really?

Gordon : Yeap we had some really bad snowfalls.

Ed: No. I meant did you really go to school?

Gordon : So what's our official position then?

Ed: Well we have to cover ourselves. So we have introduced a new snow policy.

Gordon : A snow policy?

Ed: Yeap. If a single flake of snow falls anywhere in the United Kingdom then a team of especially trained experts will light a series of beacons that would alert every headteacher in the country.

Gordon : Beacons? Isn't that a bit Elizabethan?

Ed : Education in action Gordon. Bringing History to life.

Gordon : Go on.

Ed: Once the headteacher has seen the beacon. They immediately shut down the school, send the children home and order them to have chicken soup for lunch.

Gordon: Right.

Ed: The teachers then spend the rest of the day moaning about how much work they have to do and how little time off they have.

Gordon : This is the best we can do? The country is suffering a skills shortage and we're keeping schools closed because a bit of frozen water falls from the f**king sky? Get a hold of yourself Balls!

Ed: Sorry Gordon. But we have to protect the children.

Gordon : I know Ed. Sorry for shouting. I'm just depressed.

Ed: What's wrong.

Gordon: She's gone. Left me.

Ed: Who?

Gordon: I thought she loved me. She once told me how great I was.

Ed: No Gordon, of course she loves you.

Gordon: No she doesn't, she's run off with that bastard tory toff Cameron.

Ed: Sarah? No surely not.

Gordon: No you prize pillock not Sarah. The object of my unbridled passion.

Ed: Who?

Gordon : Carol Vorderman.

This is well-written and works well. I'm completely missing the punchline. It reads like a good punchline and that I should have read something in the news that I've missed. (Have I???) It's actually very odd to read/picture Ed Balls being in a sketch and not being made out to be a complete cock in some way!

One thing is that this line:
Gordon : Shame my Darling couldn't fall and twist his neck! Listen I went to school in my day. It was a damn sight worse then I can tell you.

could easily be shortened to:
Gordon : Shame my Darling couldn't fall and twist his neck! It was a damn sight worse in my day!

to keep it tighter. I'd get rid of the following two lines too, as they're unnecessary and you labour the point with too many exchanges about the same thing:
Gordon: She's gone. Left me.

Ed: Who?

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ February 5 2009, 3:56 PM GMT

This is well-written and works well. I'm completely missing the punchline. It reads like a good punchline and that I should have read something in the news that I've missed. (Have I???) It's actually very odd to read/picture Ed Balls being in a sketch and not being made out to be a complete cock in some way!

One thing is that this line:
Gordon : Shame my Darling couldn't fall and twist his neck! Listen I went to school in my day. It was a damn sight worse then I can tell you.

could easily be shortened to:
Gordon : Shame my Darling couldn't fall and twist his neck! It was a damn sight worse in my day!

to keep it tighter. I'd get rid of the following two lines too, as they're unnecessary and you labour the point with too many exchanges about the same thing:
Gordon: She's gone. Left me.

Ed: Who?

Dan

View original

Thanks for your comments Dan. I do tend to write a little too much at times!!!

Carol is heading up a big Tory task force to improve maths in schools. It got pretty overshadowed cos of the snow. Nice shots of her and Cameron playing snowballs though.